Learning
You know its sad....the things you continue to learn.
Turns out I was right...the entire fucking relationship was a lie. I had people creating code names so that his friends would know who MY boyfriend was....and know to ignore it when he hit on them...because he was doing it so much. Then when that still didn't work he just stopped letting his friends around my boyfriend...
My god what the fuck....I don't know at this point there are no words...just sadness.
He has forgotten the face of his great grandfather...but he remembers the face of his father very well.
And it breaks my heart.
Oh and I guess we broke up a lot sooner than I realized...the people that he couldn't just deny me to (like he mostly did) he just told them we broke up...I don't I think about a year before we did. Nice huh? I wish I had known...I wouldn't have taken out the loan that is fucking up my credit so we could work on paying off the car he used to go meet up with girls in...
You know its funny, I still to this day can't quite wrap my head around the fact that he just didn't tell people about me...like he was embarassed of me or something. I mean my god!! I'm cute...some would say more than that...I'm smart...no wait...I'm really fucking smart...and I'm nice....I am a good catch but no...he couldn't talk about me because then it would stop his chances of getting into some random girls pants.
What an idiot....my god...its sad. Really sad. I know I made mistakes...I did stupid things, said stupid things. But I was right, everything I questioned him I was right to, everything I thought something was off and he got mad...I was right. My intituion was SCREAMING at me to listen, to learn. To protect myself and I didn't listen. So its good to know that it wasn't me...I was right just stupid. I know now that I can trust my intuition because it didn't steer me wrong my head did. Stupid stupid head.
Its still sad. Very sad. I really wish it wasn't this way. That he wasn't such a liar. That he wasn't so very fake.
But he is. There is nothing that I can trust when he speaks. And I know he will do anything to make sure that he is happy even if only for a minute. I just hope he will learn to just not get into relationships that way he doesn't hurt people as badly as he has.
I'm glad I walked away. I'm glad I'm done. I almost backslid...I almost gave in but I didn't. I stopped myself.
I still miss him....no, not him. I miss what he could be. What he says he is.
I miss the lies. Because the lies were pretty, and everything I wanted to hear.
But they were just lies and he couldn't keep them up when he realized I really wanted to buy what he was selling. I wanted it all...but I wanted it for real. And that he couldn't provide so he fell apart and then it all fell apart.
And Thank God for that.
Turns out I was right...the entire fucking relationship was a lie. I had people creating code names so that his friends would know who MY boyfriend was....and know to ignore it when he hit on them...because he was doing it so much. Then when that still didn't work he just stopped letting his friends around my boyfriend...
My god what the fuck....I don't know at this point there are no words...just sadness.
He has forgotten the face of his great grandfather...but he remembers the face of his father very well.
And it breaks my heart.
Oh and I guess we broke up a lot sooner than I realized...the people that he couldn't just deny me to (like he mostly did) he just told them we broke up...I don't I think about a year before we did. Nice huh? I wish I had known...I wouldn't have taken out the loan that is fucking up my credit so we could work on paying off the car he used to go meet up with girls in...
You know its funny, I still to this day can't quite wrap my head around the fact that he just didn't tell people about me...like he was embarassed of me or something. I mean my god!! I'm cute...some would say more than that...I'm smart...no wait...I'm really fucking smart...and I'm nice....I am a good catch but no...he couldn't talk about me because then it would stop his chances of getting into some random girls pants.
What an idiot....my god...its sad. Really sad. I know I made mistakes...I did stupid things, said stupid things. But I was right, everything I questioned him I was right to, everything I thought something was off and he got mad...I was right. My intituion was SCREAMING at me to listen, to learn. To protect myself and I didn't listen. So its good to know that it wasn't me...I was right just stupid. I know now that I can trust my intuition because it didn't steer me wrong my head did. Stupid stupid head.
Its still sad. Very sad. I really wish it wasn't this way. That he wasn't such a liar. That he wasn't so very fake.
But he is. There is nothing that I can trust when he speaks. And I know he will do anything to make sure that he is happy even if only for a minute. I just hope he will learn to just not get into relationships that way he doesn't hurt people as badly as he has.
I'm glad I walked away. I'm glad I'm done. I almost backslid...I almost gave in but I didn't. I stopped myself.
I still miss him....no, not him. I miss what he could be. What he says he is.
I miss the lies. Because the lies were pretty, and everything I wanted to hear.
But they were just lies and he couldn't keep them up when he realized I really wanted to buy what he was selling. I wanted it all...but I wanted it for real. And that he couldn't provide so he fell apart and then it all fell apart.
And Thank God for that.