[Multi-Chap] From Me To You (Chapter 13)
Title: From Me To You
Pairings: MaruDa, and hints of various friendships
Rating: PG
Genre: AU, angst, romance, fluff
Warnings: Un-beta’d, and slow developing plot
Disclaimer: Most characters in this story are real life idols of JE, and I only write fictional stuff about them. But the plot and OCs are mine.
Summary: True love - nothing needs to be said, nothing needs to be heard. Just by being together, I hope my overflowing feelings will reach you. Nakamaru Yuichi is experiencing new things in life, and as he faces love and all the trinkets that come along with it, he learns more about living and communicating, whether it's about finding one's self or learning about the people around him.
Previous chapters: chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12
Chapter 13
The autumn morning rays of golden light flitting across his eyelids woke him up that morning, and for a moment he blinked, before looking out through the window, seeing dismal grey clouds patching the blue sky. He got up early as he had promised himself he would, and at 8 o’clock sharp he’d be dressed and having breakfast.
Autumn indicated its arrival with its cool scent and on his day off, Yuichi wanted to spend it with studying. A tall and bulky pile of thick, heavy books that he borrowed from the library stood dauntingly on his kitchen table, waiting to be meticulously read.
On the way out to the kitchen, he patted the head of a stuffed animal that sat on a chair at one corner, looking almost out of place in Yuichi’s simple, sophisticated, adult-like room. The piece of paper that came along with it was safely folded and put away in one of his drawers the other night, the simple sentence read but not fully understood.
He scuffed languidly to the dining table after making some omelet, and sat down with a cup of coffee and a relaxed sigh. He picked up one of the hard-covered books and flipped it open, randomly turning the pages as he ate.
Choco scampered along in the living room, making obvious bumps and noises, which made Yuichi look up to stare at him. The dog immediately paused playing, and stared ostentatiously back at his master with a chew-toy gagging from his mouth, the same toy which Ueda-san gave, or so he was told by his master, but he really liked it so he wasn’t complaining.
“What’s with that smug look huh? Are you showing-off?” Yuichi could already imagine Choco answering him back with a “I got something from him and you don’t.”
The dog kept gazing at him in a rebuking way until he finally spoke again, “Is that some sort of challenge? For your information, I do have something from him. It’s a teddy bear, and I’m not sharing it with you.”
Choco snapped his head away and continued playing around. It seemed that he didn’t buy it.
“Okay fine then, technically he wanted to give me the note but since he’s not asking for the bear back, it means he gave it to me.” Yuichi thought he needed to stop talking to his dog like that, people might think he’s not quite well in the noggin.
Right, back to eating and burying his nose into the books.
‘A traumatic event involves a single experience, or an enduring or repeating event or events that completely overwhelm the individual's ability to cope or integrate the ideas and emotions involved with that experience. The sense of being overwhelmed can be delayed by weeks, years or even decades, as the person struggles to cope with the immediate circumstances. Psychological trauma can lead to serious long-term negative consequences,’ like losing one’s voice?
‘Trauma can be caused by a wide variety of events, but there are a few common aspects. There is frequently a violation of the person's familiar ideas about the world and of their human rights, putting the person in a state of extreme confusion and insecurity.’
He had assumed that Tatsuya may be suffering from PTSD, an unofficial result from ardently browsing through the internet during work and staying up late to do further research(still, this didn’t prevent him from waking up early), and by combining the small pieces of information he had.
He imagined what it must’ve been like to be in Tatsuya’s place, and it made him want to strangle the people who call themselves his parents, but if he thought about it rationally, those things were already in the past, and right now, rather than fretting about it, it’s better for him to focus on the present.
And sometimes his mind wondered to other things, like what Tatsuya’s parents were feeling now, any regrets? Any pride in knowing that their son had made something out of himself? Do they want to reconcile, or had they completely forgotten about their child? And what about Tatsuya? Were there feelings of betrayal, or maybe longing? He was curious about everything and wanted to know every single detail if possible.
That night he had swung around to check on Tatsuya, a little annoyed that Taguchi was triumphant in winning a goldfish instead of himself, but had found him missing. The note he left said that he didn’t deserve any of ‘this’, and Yuichi was completely bamboozled. Why would he think that he didn’t deserve love? But after researching, he discovered that what the other was feeling was a common thing among psychologically traumatized victims, yet, the tinges of curiosity still hadn’t left him.
And Yuichi couldn’t help but to feel awed by how strong Tatsuya was. Tatsuya was probably pretending to be okay when in fact he’s still unhealed, and could quietly break at any time, but the way he didn’t worry his friends showed how much he really cared about them, though that act would only bring desolateness to himself. Naturally there would be feelings of commiseration, but that wasn’t what gave birth to the infatuation felt by Yuichi. He still didn’t really know why, and he was beginning to think that there might be no answer to that question at all.
Indeed, why would someone fall in love with another being? Why would someone want to be together with a significant other, and spend special moments with them? Why would someone fall head over heels for another person and desire to have them? It was truly a thing to be ruminated about.
Maybe it was because the way his full lips stretch into a thin line when an unfettered smile flowered on his face? Maybe it was because he seemed to always be gratified over simple and sometimes opulent things? Or maybe it was because his colourful personality that made other people find it so hard to not be attracted to him? Yuichi didn’t know why, really. All he knew was that before he realized it, he had fallen in love.
*~*~*~*
He sneezed as he was walking away from the train station, and he wondered if someone somewhere was talking about him behind his back.
The last concerto for summer went well, but it was a little lonely; it was held outside of Tokyo, and his friends couldn’t make it, and well, he didn’t invite certain faces.
Autumn had seeped in quietly without him really realizing it, and that morning the feeble sun rose and spread pink streaks across the clouds that boiled over it. He couldn’t really guess whether it was going to be a sunny or a wet day, but the cool and frigid morning was satisfying enough.
Dew had turned the grass into a glistening green carpet and transformed the spiders’ webs that hung on bushes into patches of sparkling gossamer-thin lace and as he passed by the public park, the swings rocked gently in the slight breeze, like there were fairy hands that pushed them.
The weak sunlight illuminated the concert hall from afar, spraying its hues over the huge and isolated building.
There were two reasons to why he was there so early in the morning; one was because he had a ‘special’ appointment, and the other factor was because he missed the familiarity of the place, and wanted to spend some time there, maybe rekindling memories of summer which was a canvas of dissonant, clashing and random, startling colours.
As he stepped into one of the practice rooms, he almost regretted for not calling one of his friends to accompany him, because the chilly and damp air inside the dark room sent shivers down his spine, giving him goosebumps. He felt that the room was beginning to look smaller, so he quickly turned on the lights, and when the space brightened, he immediately settled down, his anxiety subsiding.
He ran a finger over the keys, and started to test some notes, embodying the tingling sensation on his fingers. The rich symphony filled his ears and mind with a serene feeling, and as perturbed as he was during that period of time, music always made him feel better, it was a self-medication he couldn’t live without straining his remaining sanity.
He didn’t feel time running by, leaving him in that oblivious state and sound-proof room, while outside, rain was starting to pour, showering the earth with obstreperous gushes of water that lashed the roof of the building, the downpour accompanied by clapping robust thunders and hostile lightning.
The lights suddenly died when a strike of lightning elicited from the ink-blank clouds, cutting of electricity. Tatsuya was broken out of his world, and was left alone in complete darkness.
*~*~*~*
‘Upsetting memories such as images, thoughts, or flashbacks may haunt the person, and nightmares may be frequent…’ he scribbled the words in his notebook, along with other points he thought were pivotal.
“Triggers and cues act as reminders of the trauma, and can cause anxiety and other associated emotions,” he mumbled after reading the line, like he was teaching himself.
There was a nudge on his foot, and when he looked down, Choco was sitting beside his leg, a leash in his mouth, his dog-eyes pleading.
“Oh so now you want me to take you on a walk?” Yuichi said in a sarcastic tone, “Don’t give me that look, I know what you’re doing.”
Choco’s steady gaze intensified, and Yuichi was starting to look uncomfortable.
“Fine, then! Let’s go.” He got up from his seat and grabbed a jacket, put on his shoes, and tied the leash to his dog’s collar.
The fresh, crisp air outside felt like cold marble against his face, brushing his cheeks with a frosty-like chill, making him shudder involuntarily when the blustering wind scuffled his hair.
“It’s so cold, and it looks like it’s gonna rain,” he spoke to Choco, “Come on boy, let’s hurry up.”
Yuichi kept up with his dog’s pace, and when he gazed at the sky again, a reef of clouds and lightning raced across it, followed by a roar of thunder and the ground beneath him shook. Before he knew it, rain had drizzled down mercilessly and drenched him.
He picked up his dog and with his dim vision, he ran to the nearest building he could see. He jogged up the stairs and set Choco down to shake the water off his body, while Yuichi wrung the ends of his jacket in a futile attempt to dry himself.
“We’re going to have to stay here for a while, Choco,” he looked at the storm that was spilling like rivers of blackened blood, completely blotting out the sun and covering the city in darkness. And he just realized that he was at the entrance of a concert hall, the same place where he witnessed Tatsuya’s piano recital for the first time.
Yuichi stood quietly for a while before pushing the door open, his soggy feet stepping inside the dark place. It was irrevocably dim and eerie, and the gust of piercing wind was cut off as he closed the door behind him. There was just enough light for him to make out vague, uneven shapes, and with Choco tailing behind him, he hobbled languorously along the hallway.
*~*~*~*
Tatsuya frantically looked around his dark surroundings, but he wasn’t able to see anything. He stood up from the piano stool with a vigilant urge, and ran to the door. He tripped and he landed face first on the floor. He was starting to feel dizzy, and the room suddenly felt smaller, pushing and locking him into the centre with nowhere to go. He opened his mouth to let out a cry of help, but not even the tiniest of voice came out. “No, shut up! You’re not allowed to say even one word, not one!”
He jerked his head up and saw a shadow looming over him, yelling at him to be quiet. But I want to go out. He propped himself up and steadied his knees. “Stay there! Don’t you dare go against my orders ever again.” He was reliving his nightmare, the flashbacks made it seem so real and it was confusing him.
The shadows were running after him, cooing out sneers, succumbing and clawing after him with their tenebrous tentacles, chaining him in solitude, confining him in expulsion. No! Someone please, help… he forced his legs to carry him to the door and in a moment of panic, he started banging on the wooden board. Let me out! His hands roamed and searched for the knob, and when he found it, he wasted no time in slamming the door open. “You reprehensible child! Come back here!”
He scrambled away from the room, but it was still so dark, so quiet, so lonely. He ran without aim, trying to find something or someone, someone who would always be waiting for him and accepting him just the way he was. I’m scared, I’m lonely. Where should I go? He was like a drifting boat, a helpless object without any value, fading away and lost at sea.
His breathing was getting heavier as his steps got faster and his eyes were starting to sting, an icy fear curdling in the pit of his stomach. No, I can’t cry. I have to be strong.
He couldn’t find the way out. He wasn’t able to search for a light that will guide him to safety. He tried to call out for somebody, anybody, but it was a futile effort, and his esteem was deteriorating. He couldn’t find the island where he belonged.
He was breaking, slowly crumbling at the seams, wilting away. Please, I’m scared. His lips parted and he mumbled voiceless words. I need to get up. I need to get out. I want to find the light. It felt like his existence itself was diminishing, erased and disappearing.
He kept sprinting but the ground below him felt arduous, and his legs sagged and he was falling yet again. He was drowning. But before he could hit the ground, before the water swallowed him up whole, he was caught in an embrace, the background finally a shade of white.
His stiff body gave out and his tensed muscles relaxed as he surrendered into the sense of comfort and safety tightening its arms around him, and the figure fell down along with him when his knees gave out. He had finally found his savior, his island, and he anchored his hands tightly around the person that was holding him, burying his head deeper, desperately craving more of the warmth and security; the sense of belonging.
*~*~*~*
Yuichi paced along the wall, his hands tracing around, trying to find support. Truthfully, he was kinda frightened, being in the gloom, his clothes still quite soaked, but at least Choco was with him. And he wasn’t really sure where he was heading, but walking around felt better than just sitting and doing nothing.
He sneezed. “This is your fault, you know that?” Yuichi let out. Choco just returned the remark with a plaintive whine.
Flashes of lightning bled through the cracks of the shutters, lighting up the outline of the path ahead of him, and out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a human figure.
A frail, lost person, trepidation evident on his face. It was Tatsuya, and he was falling.
Yuichi intuitively ran up to him, catching him and engulfing him into his arms. Tatsuya was shaking, and Yuichi held him even tighter, gripping his slim frame closer to his body, as if he was afraid that Tatsuya might crumble and falter away if he let go.
He was forced to be on his knees because Tatsuya’s legs gave out, but he didn’t care. The other buried his face in his chest as if he was snuggling closer, and Yuichi could feel that he was holding in his tears from the way his shoulders tremble.
“It’s okay. You… you can cry if you want to,” Yuichi murmured softly into his ear. “Crying doesn’t make you weak. You cry because you’ve been strong and holding it in for too long.”
He rocked their bodies gently, his hands not ever letting go of Tatsuya, whispering words of comfort. He didn’t want to release him, he wanted to fervently hold him close and secure him in his embrace, shielding him from the dark phantoms that were haunting him.
Yuichi wanted to protect him so badly, and rectify the situation with his own power. And right now, the best thing he could do was soothe Tatsuya, and relieve some of the pain and fear away, hugging him and reassuring him that everything was alright, and that Yuichi would always be there with him.
He knew that it was impalpable for him to fully conceptualize what Tatsuya was feeling, but at least he was capable of being there to hold him and to accompany him through his fears.
Choco plodded closer to the both of them, whimpering sadly, as if he understood the situation.
Electricity suddenly brought the lights back to life again, and Yuichi’s eyes felt bleary as they tried to adjust to the brightness.
The two of them could now see each other’s faces. Yuichi still had his arms wrapped around Tatsuya who had seemed to calm down and was sniffling, and didn’t seem to mind or notice that he had cuddled close to Yuichi.
He backed away a little and looked up, his eyes dreary and swollen, his nose red and running, his bangs a heap of messy strands, and Yuichi smiled warmly at him.
“You look like such a kid,” he joked in a gentle voice, chuckling a little as he pulled back some of the hair that was threatening to invade Tatsuya’s eyes behind his ear.
Tatsuya gave him a disconcerted look, before looking down again, embarrassed by the soft touch. Yuichi let go of a hand that was holding him, and pulled out a handkerchief from his back pocket.
“Here. Um, it’s a little wet, but it’s better than nothing right?”
The younger just sniffed and didn’t respond, eyes still downwards.
Yuichi tentatively wiped his face, tenderly lifting his head so that he could have a better view, and proceeded to clean the tear-streaked face.
As his hand moved upwards to clean Tatsuya’s eyes, the latter fluttered his eyes closed as if he was relishing the sensation, and Yuichi paused, his mouth dry.
He released the handkerchief and stroked the closed eyelids delicately with a finger, which made its way down to his cheeks and cheekbones, like he was reading the features. His hand paused on Tatsuya’s lips, following their shape with his forefinger, tracing and caressing the lower part.
He could feel the tickle of Tatsuya’s even breath brushing against his fingers as they sat there, motionless, and Yuichi removed his hand before leaning in closer, his pulse racing.
Their lips were only a few millimetres apart when Choco growled.
The moment was instantly gone and they pulled their faces away from each other quickly, both of their blushing could’ve set a cigar alight even from a foot away.
“Tatsuya?” They snapped their heads to where the hoarse voice came from.
A middle-aged man appeared, his clothes a little soaked, his eyes dim with fatigue, making him look older than his real age. Yuichi recognized him as the old guy who once retrieved his wallet from being mugged.
“Son, there you are.”
Yuichi’s eyes widened in disbelief.
Chapter 14
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fast update because my brain decided to work over-time? lol . Well, I'm gonna have a busy week ahead so, better update now than later .
Constructive criticisms will be appreciated :)