me, myself, and I
Lost, confused, and burdened. Why do I feel this way for the ogre? Sure he’s a good person and he cares about me, but something just isn’t right. He could be a great boyfriend and give me all the things I need, but I don’t feel like he’s the one. We constantly fight; we’re always reading each other wrong; things don’t feel the way they should. Something is missing but I can’t place my finger on it just yet. Maybe the timing is wrong. Whatever it is I can’t seem to figure out what the problem is between me and the ogre, and maybe that’s why I keep holding on to prince charming. Then again what’s the use in holding on to a dead end that makes me feel unworthy of myself? Right now I feel its best that I stay alone. No ogre, no prince charming. I must stop attaching myself to the ogre because in reality I don’t want to be with him; and even if I do, I’m not ready. I’m still trying to find myself; who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I don’t want to stay here with this possible future with the ogre. I want more, I deserve more. I’ve spent my whole life settling for less and damn it, forgive me, God, but I don’t want to settle with this one. I still feel like the real one is out there for me, I just have to be patient. And if I’m going to ever find him then I must distance myself emotionally from the ogre as much as possible and stop playing with his heart. Yes, I love him but I could never be IN love with him. I’m sure that’s why he’s holding back too; maybe he can sense that I don’t feel the same for him. On top of that I also feel terrible because I feel a certain need for him in my life to get me where I need to be. He has a strong sense of motivation and he’s very driven; qualities that I can’t seem to hold on to, so I hold on to him. I don’t mean to brag but I have a lot of potential, I can do so much more. So why don’t I push myself? I’m always lost and confused about boys; I think it’s time that I focus more on myself; I really need to. I want more and I want it all; the beauty, success, money, intelligence, and most of all, true love. A man that can sweep me off my feet without me feeling like it’s a mistake. One day I’ll find him, or he’ll find me. But right now, I need to be alone.