Cabin fever
So I returned home from college last friday night. Everything seemed fine then, out on the surface I could not wait to come home, my sister had prom the next day, and I was going to be able to see her go, plus I was home, which meant no more ordering out or not eating because I didnt want to cook. On the inside, everything was not so picture perfect. I was feeling a little upset and nervous when I came home. I had some friends graduate this year that were not only my sisters but mentors and helping hands this year. It was difficult to just leave them on friday, not knowing when the next time I would see them would be. I know that 2 of the three will be close, but the third will be in New York, which is not the closest place to Dayton, Ohio. I did not want to leave Dayton. This school year had flown by so very fast. I felt like I had just moved in, and then I was packing my things to move back out.
So, I was not only bummed out from leaving Dayton, but I also realized how horrible of a friend I was these past couple of years. I have a few friends at Dayton who I talk to everyday, but I have not stayed in contact with my friends that I had for YEARS! I have not talked to hardly anyone from high school and if I did talk to them, we have not had deep conversations, or set up any plans for this summer. I made a promise when I left for college to stay in contact with people from high school, and maintain friendships, well today I realized I broke that promise. It sucks when you realize this. It makes you feel horrible, and the worst part is, I dont know how to fix it. I don't really think I can fix this one.
I have been cooped up here in this house for one whole week. I don't have a car because the girls drive to school, dad drives to work, and mom uses her car... so I am literally stuck at home. I can't go anywhere, and no one understands why I am upset when my sisters just leave for hours on end, and my parents either strand me at home, or make me go with them. I want to go out on my own... and just drive, run, walk, and scream without anyone else there. Or even worse, anyone else to tell me to stop from doing these things.This is the worst part of college, and no one seemed to warn me of this aspect. I can not just leave for a year, and come back for a couple of months at a time... sure I miss my family... but big doses of them at a time is a sure way to make anyone sick.This not only makes me irritable around my family, but it also makes me cry myself to sleep each night. I can not take the dramatic change of being on my own, to being told what to do when every moment. I know they are happy for me to be home, and they (the rents) want to protect me, but at the same time, I am 20 years old.... not 12!
So, moral of the story... I am driving myself crazy here at home. I was told tonight that I over-react on things, and that my moods change so quickly for no good reason. This may be the case, but they dont know how I feel all day long. I'm stuck somewhere, feeling trapped. Maybe one day they will see what I am talking about.
As I close up here... I need to apologize. Not only for yapping this whole journal, but for also being that horrible friend I had talked about. I never meant to disappear from the face of the earth, nor did I mean to ignore my friends. I'm sorry!!
Here's to hoping this feeling goes away soon.
So, I was not only bummed out from leaving Dayton, but I also realized how horrible of a friend I was these past couple of years. I have a few friends at Dayton who I talk to everyday, but I have not stayed in contact with my friends that I had for YEARS! I have not talked to hardly anyone from high school and if I did talk to them, we have not had deep conversations, or set up any plans for this summer. I made a promise when I left for college to stay in contact with people from high school, and maintain friendships, well today I realized I broke that promise. It sucks when you realize this. It makes you feel horrible, and the worst part is, I dont know how to fix it. I don't really think I can fix this one.
I have been cooped up here in this house for one whole week. I don't have a car because the girls drive to school, dad drives to work, and mom uses her car... so I am literally stuck at home. I can't go anywhere, and no one understands why I am upset when my sisters just leave for hours on end, and my parents either strand me at home, or make me go with them. I want to go out on my own... and just drive, run, walk, and scream without anyone else there. Or even worse, anyone else to tell me to stop from doing these things.This is the worst part of college, and no one seemed to warn me of this aspect. I can not just leave for a year, and come back for a couple of months at a time... sure I miss my family... but big doses of them at a time is a sure way to make anyone sick.This not only makes me irritable around my family, but it also makes me cry myself to sleep each night. I can not take the dramatic change of being on my own, to being told what to do when every moment. I know they are happy for me to be home, and they (the rents) want to protect me, but at the same time, I am 20 years old.... not 12!
So, moral of the story... I am driving myself crazy here at home. I was told tonight that I over-react on things, and that my moods change so quickly for no good reason. This may be the case, but they dont know how I feel all day long. I'm stuck somewhere, feeling trapped. Maybe one day they will see what I am talking about.
As I close up here... I need to apologize. Not only for yapping this whole journal, but for also being that horrible friend I had talked about. I never meant to disappear from the face of the earth, nor did I mean to ignore my friends. I'm sorry!!
Here's to hoping this feeling goes away soon.