*screams*
Everything is going wrong!!!! Why?!?! Ok, first of all, my mom had this "mental/nervous break-down" and she's going psycho. I dont mean literally, but there is something seriously wrong with her. She wakes up in crappy moods almost every single day. And whether it was my fault or not, I get the crappy end of it. I get yelled at. I have to put up with it. Why??? Because Im the youngest one in the house, cuz Im the only one there.
Then comes my dad, he thinks Im "always gone", "never there"...blah blah blah. Ok, Im sorry but that is a bunch of BULL S**T!!!!!! Im there as often as Im gone. He's just always at work to notice. He works Monday-Thursday 3:00am to 7:30pm the latest, comes home, eats dinner, goes to bed. Half the time he doesnt even say goodnight to me. You know how people say, you should never go to bed angry with someone and always say goodnight to your family?? Well aparently he doesnt care whether one of us dies in our sleep.
My sister. Wow, Becca, I love her to death. We never fight, I tell her everything. But that girl is a slob. She never picks up after herself. Im always cleaning up her mess in our room. Cups all over the place, wrappers from cupcakes. I make her bed...it seems like Im doing everything around there. I dont feel like the youngest child, I feel like a slave.
And on top of that, one of my best friends has cancer. The doctor told him he has 1 to 2 years to live. He's only 17!!!
Then there was last night...Well, when I was little, I had a small bump under my skin on my lower back and my elbow. We went to the doctor a long time ago (he was a CRAPPY doctor. Not my doctor, my dad's), he said, "Keep an eye on them. If they get bigger, come back." They never got any bigger, so we never went back. Well last night, I found another one on my arm. It had to of just appeared or whatever. Cuz Ive never seen or felt one in that place before. We dont know what it is. What if its bad?? Im so scared. That was it, I finally broke down and cried.
I cant handle all of this. Mickensie told me that God gives you what you can handle. I can understand that...but I CANT handle this. I cant, I know I cant. I dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried mostly everything. Except, prayer and that stuff. But as much as I hate to say, Ive been questioning if there even is a God. If there was, why would he make all of his "children" goes through this much pain. I can understand where Mickensie was coming from. She told me she thought the same thing when Malachi passed. I wish I were more like her. You dont even understand. She handles things in such a....I dont even know the word. She's a great role model....
On a different note, Friday night, me, Becca, John and Angie went and played pool. JJ was supposed to go. But I couldnt get ahold of him. I finally did at 9:30 and I asked him if he was coming. He said he's just gonna stay home and he said he was at the hospital cuz he sat on a piece of glass. He said he got stitches. But....Im not even sure if I believe him. But whatever. Im tired of guys. They play too many games. Boys are trouble. STAY AWAY lol. No but seriously, from now on, if a guy wants to get with me, he can approach me. Im tired of trying. Im tired of everything....
Then I went school shopping yesterday after church. (Yes after everything I still went to church). I got a pair of jeans (which i have to take back cuz they're "too long" [mom]), a pink cordaroy skirt, a white tennis looking skirt, a brown cami, a blue, pink and white striped polo, a shirt that has a tank underneath (its really cute), and a brown shirt that has pink polka dots on it and a pink ribbon around it. Im happy with my school clothes, I got the look I was going for. Now all I need to do is dye my hair and get it trimmed. =D
Later
~Lola~
Then comes my dad, he thinks Im "always gone", "never there"...blah blah blah. Ok, Im sorry but that is a bunch of BULL S**T!!!!!! Im there as often as Im gone. He's just always at work to notice. He works Monday-Thursday 3:00am to 7:30pm the latest, comes home, eats dinner, goes to bed. Half the time he doesnt even say goodnight to me. You know how people say, you should never go to bed angry with someone and always say goodnight to your family?? Well aparently he doesnt care whether one of us dies in our sleep.
My sister. Wow, Becca, I love her to death. We never fight, I tell her everything. But that girl is a slob. She never picks up after herself. Im always cleaning up her mess in our room. Cups all over the place, wrappers from cupcakes. I make her bed...it seems like Im doing everything around there. I dont feel like the youngest child, I feel like a slave.
And on top of that, one of my best friends has cancer. The doctor told him he has 1 to 2 years to live. He's only 17!!!
Then there was last night...Well, when I was little, I had a small bump under my skin on my lower back and my elbow. We went to the doctor a long time ago (he was a CRAPPY doctor. Not my doctor, my dad's), he said, "Keep an eye on them. If they get bigger, come back." They never got any bigger, so we never went back. Well last night, I found another one on my arm. It had to of just appeared or whatever. Cuz Ive never seen or felt one in that place before. We dont know what it is. What if its bad?? Im so scared. That was it, I finally broke down and cried.
I cant handle all of this. Mickensie told me that God gives you what you can handle. I can understand that...but I CANT handle this. I cant, I know I cant. I dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried mostly everything. Except, prayer and that stuff. But as much as I hate to say, Ive been questioning if there even is a God. If there was, why would he make all of his "children" goes through this much pain. I can understand where Mickensie was coming from. She told me she thought the same thing when Malachi passed. I wish I were more like her. You dont even understand. She handles things in such a....I dont even know the word. She's a great role model....
On a different note, Friday night, me, Becca, John and Angie went and played pool. JJ was supposed to go. But I couldnt get ahold of him. I finally did at 9:30 and I asked him if he was coming. He said he's just gonna stay home and he said he was at the hospital cuz he sat on a piece of glass. He said he got stitches. But....Im not even sure if I believe him. But whatever. Im tired of guys. They play too many games. Boys are trouble. STAY AWAY lol. No but seriously, from now on, if a guy wants to get with me, he can approach me. Im tired of trying. Im tired of everything....
Then I went school shopping yesterday after church. (Yes after everything I still went to church). I got a pair of jeans (which i have to take back cuz they're "too long" [mom]), a pink cordaroy skirt, a white tennis looking skirt, a brown cami, a blue, pink and white striped polo, a shirt that has a tank underneath (its really cute), and a brown shirt that has pink polka dots on it and a pink ribbon around it. Im happy with my school clothes, I got the look I was going for. Now all I need to do is dye my hair and get it trimmed. =D
Later
~Lola~