Here I Am Once Again
So it's that time of the year again... a new semester. It also happens to be my last semester of buying books, moving through the ass to ass traffic on the sidewalks and also hearing the drowning lectures of hot-air filled professors that have to polish off their PhD.s in order to feel better about themselves. On top of that I am faced with the task of finding a job once college ends since I decided not to be a teacher anymore. That's right folks.. I lept off the edge and took a chance in order to hopefully pursue some sort of dreams that are lying dormant in my noggin.
At the moment life is full of its good days and its not so colorful days, needless to say the last few have been more tiresome and troublesome than peachy. Usually all it takes is a glance at the faces that pass by me in order to set the tone in my mind for what the day is going to be like. It's funny to base my mood on that, but you'd be surprised how much of an impact that is. Conversations, interactions, dissatisfactions all have a part to play in the inner workings of one Marcus Upchurch's mind. But alas, I'm just wired a little differently than the average bear and hopefully the days will unfold some sort of master plan that I can follow to the "T".
I've been more or less throwing all of my creative juices and ideas into a little black journal that Gerry bought for me for Christmas. So that is probaby why I haven't felt the desire to really throw up something on here.
Everyday I feel myself slowly teetering oneway or the other away from the Path and I think that it is helping me kind of get my boundaries established so I know what is capable of me and what isn't. Also I'm coming to realize those out there that I want to associate myself with in future encounters and who I want to cut ties with in the hopes of bettering my own mood and life. Its sad coming across someone who you thought was going to be of some sort of significance only to see their true self be something that is ugly and undesirable.
I find myself bordering on depresso-Marcus right now and it really sucks because I know that I could take a week or two and just stew in that state of consciousness and probably take that time to re-evaluate my life.. my mistakes.. missed opportunities and then hopefully emerge from that cocoon a better and newly improved Marcus but honestly I'm not sure if it would really help. Seclusion seems such a tempting choice but I know that it's not healthy.
Just have to push it down deeper and see if it this shit for fertilizer produces a beautiful flower over time. Ugly-duckling complex is an optimistic concept for someone who feels they are feeding on the bottom of the social food chain.
I think I feel worse now that I wrote this journal. And lucky for me and for you I get to go to work for six-ish hours and think about the complexities of my life. Nothing a deep breath and a swig of mountain dew can't cure. Sleep seems so desirable right now.
Keep warm kids.
At the moment life is full of its good days and its not so colorful days, needless to say the last few have been more tiresome and troublesome than peachy. Usually all it takes is a glance at the faces that pass by me in order to set the tone in my mind for what the day is going to be like. It's funny to base my mood on that, but you'd be surprised how much of an impact that is. Conversations, interactions, dissatisfactions all have a part to play in the inner workings of one Marcus Upchurch's mind. But alas, I'm just wired a little differently than the average bear and hopefully the days will unfold some sort of master plan that I can follow to the "T".
I've been more or less throwing all of my creative juices and ideas into a little black journal that Gerry bought for me for Christmas. So that is probaby why I haven't felt the desire to really throw up something on here.
Everyday I feel myself slowly teetering oneway or the other away from the Path and I think that it is helping me kind of get my boundaries established so I know what is capable of me and what isn't. Also I'm coming to realize those out there that I want to associate myself with in future encounters and who I want to cut ties with in the hopes of bettering my own mood and life. Its sad coming across someone who you thought was going to be of some sort of significance only to see their true self be something that is ugly and undesirable.
I find myself bordering on depresso-Marcus right now and it really sucks because I know that I could take a week or two and just stew in that state of consciousness and probably take that time to re-evaluate my life.. my mistakes.. missed opportunities and then hopefully emerge from that cocoon a better and newly improved Marcus but honestly I'm not sure if it would really help. Seclusion seems such a tempting choice but I know that it's not healthy.
Just have to push it down deeper and see if it this shit for fertilizer produces a beautiful flower over time. Ugly-duckling complex is an optimistic concept for someone who feels they are feeding on the bottom of the social food chain.
I think I feel worse now that I wrote this journal. And lucky for me and for you I get to go to work for six-ish hours and think about the complexities of my life. Nothing a deep breath and a swig of mountain dew can't cure. Sleep seems so desirable right now.
Keep warm kids.