Wow it's late...
So it's pretty super late...??? am and I'm online posting. Weird. It has been forever since I've done one of these. I've been meaning to update for a while now, but haven't had the right kind of inspiration. But I miss it. I miss writing in this and talking about all of the fun shenanigans that have transpired in my world that weekend, or week or month or ongoing/in my head. lol
And don't get it twisted. This isn't an "emo" post. I've taken some down-time over the past few months (when life gets quiet, like driving home or walking my dog) to reflect on 2008 and the best one word description of it would be: inaction.
Now don't get me wrong. 2008 was GREAT and MEMORABLE in many ways. It had its ups and downs. I made a few very good friends in the fall of 2007 and those friendships have only steadily improved and gotten better over the course of 2008 to present. Some close friends are now closer friends, others have faded away. My mom got sick (again), but she also got better and that process reminded me how precious life and family are. I've gotten closer with my family and have really established myself as a responsible, (mostly) independent adult in their eyes. Also, I know where I stand with MOST of the people in my life and I'm comfortable with that knowledge. I'm also comfortable with the past and all of the ups and downs, the successes, the failures and missteps and misfortune. I've made peace with the past. I managed to avoid any major conflict, shakeup or dramatic episode while maintaining my honesty and being true to my own opinions about things. Well I did have a conflict in one major friendship. (But quick update on that, things are much better/healthier because of that conflict and the subsequent discussions afterwards. i'm ecstatic about our present-day friendship) And the big thing (to me) is that I truly now understand what it means to be a good friend. In fact, several people, over the course of the year, confided in me on a number of things that were important to them. It was nice to have that type of trust placed on me.
And all of this, in my eyes, represents progress and growth. But interestingly enough, I was able to get to this progress by making some serious changes from years past, sometimes even going against my own nature.
For the past few years I've been really mellow and very even-keeled, a far cry from the Mike of the past. And you know what? I've been pretty happy. I've had some ups and downs (like everyone), but for the most part I've stayed in the middle. I've observed things and people around me and took the time to understand things better.
I took myself out of the game.
and I needed to. And it was the best move I could possibly make. I learned a ton about myself and learned how to be independent, self-sufficient, comfortable...comfortable being myself. and comfortable being single too.
Whenever I encountered a girl that I saw real potential in (over the past couple of years), I ran like hell. haha. but again, I needed to. I needed to get myself right before being a part of a real relationship. I needed to evolve, reflect, and improve. I needed to explore my own passions, I needed to read, to write, "re-prioritize," to think hard about career and future and goals and dreams. My old approach was JUST THAT. OLD. I had become one-dimensional and predictable. I had always been girl-crazy. I needed to take myself out of the game.
So I dated a smattering of girls (over the past few years) with obvious expiration dates. (I didn't want to be totally out of touch :) ).
Now the main lessons that I learned are:
1) People have a difficult time letting go of their past. Past memories (not even the fondest ones) are held so dear by some that it causes them to do extraordinary and amazing things. And I don't use the words "extraordinary" or "amazing" in a favorable or positive way.
People (sometimes) maintain friendships/relationships with people that they dislike (or those that dislike them) just so they can hold onto the past. we all do it. it happens, but i wonder why that is. why do we try so hard to hold onto the past? i'm not saying that we should turn our backs on the past completely, but why not leave the past in the past? it's ok to revisit it every now and then, but life's too short to dwell on the past.
2) Relationships of any kind (romantic, friendship, etc.) are predicated on tolerance. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still the hopeless romantic that you know and love. ha. but let's face it. Our relationships are driven by 3 needs...loyalty, companionship and intimacy. obviously the levels of those needs vary depending on the particular relationship or the person(s), but those three things are things that we need. and it becomes a matter of "willingness to put of with someone's _____," that drives the relationship. we learn to deal with things that we dislike in others in order to achieve these 3 needs.
3) One of the things that I realized from taking myself out of the game was that I had lost touch. And because I lost touch I was too hard on people and not sensitive enough to their feelings. When you're an observer you're not invested emotionally in things and that's a big variable to overlook. Once I made myself open to feel genuine feelings again (like when I let my guard down, somewhat recently, and found myself truly caring about a new girl...more on that later...heh) I truly realized that I was out of touch.
But I needed that whole process to make sense of everything. And I feel good about it. I see things now that I overlooked in the past, I'm more sensitive to people and more aware of things. And I'm in a good place. :)
Ok, to lighten things up...Weekend recap!!!
Well, nothing too crazy. Thursday had wings and beer and dessert and watched NCAA games @ the Wing Factory. Friday was more of the same. Drank, had appetizers/bar food at Fridays and watched more NCAA games. Saturday, Drank, played some beer pong and watched (you guessed it) NCAA games and also Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Upcoming events...A few birthdays coming up. Christian's (throwing a partay), my mother's (throwing a partay), Pilar's b'day (TBD). Sean's wedding, April 25th. I'm a best man. exciting stuff!
Things are good. Life is short.
I'll leave you with quotes from 2 of my faves.
Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi
It is not length of life, but depth of life. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
And don't get it twisted. This isn't an "emo" post. I've taken some down-time over the past few months (when life gets quiet, like driving home or walking my dog) to reflect on 2008 and the best one word description of it would be: inaction.
Now don't get me wrong. 2008 was GREAT and MEMORABLE in many ways. It had its ups and downs. I made a few very good friends in the fall of 2007 and those friendships have only steadily improved and gotten better over the course of 2008 to present. Some close friends are now closer friends, others have faded away. My mom got sick (again), but she also got better and that process reminded me how precious life and family are. I've gotten closer with my family and have really established myself as a responsible, (mostly) independent adult in their eyes. Also, I know where I stand with MOST of the people in my life and I'm comfortable with that knowledge. I'm also comfortable with the past and all of the ups and downs, the successes, the failures and missteps and misfortune. I've made peace with the past. I managed to avoid any major conflict, shakeup or dramatic episode while maintaining my honesty and being true to my own opinions about things. Well I did have a conflict in one major friendship. (But quick update on that, things are much better/healthier because of that conflict and the subsequent discussions afterwards. i'm ecstatic about our present-day friendship) And the big thing (to me) is that I truly now understand what it means to be a good friend. In fact, several people, over the course of the year, confided in me on a number of things that were important to them. It was nice to have that type of trust placed on me.
And all of this, in my eyes, represents progress and growth. But interestingly enough, I was able to get to this progress by making some serious changes from years past, sometimes even going against my own nature.
For the past few years I've been really mellow and very even-keeled, a far cry from the Mike of the past. And you know what? I've been pretty happy. I've had some ups and downs (like everyone), but for the most part I've stayed in the middle. I've observed things and people around me and took the time to understand things better.
I took myself out of the game.
and I needed to. And it was the best move I could possibly make. I learned a ton about myself and learned how to be independent, self-sufficient, comfortable...comfortable being myself. and comfortable being single too.
Whenever I encountered a girl that I saw real potential in (over the past couple of years), I ran like hell. haha. but again, I needed to. I needed to get myself right before being a part of a real relationship. I needed to evolve, reflect, and improve. I needed to explore my own passions, I needed to read, to write, "re-prioritize," to think hard about career and future and goals and dreams. My old approach was JUST THAT. OLD. I had become one-dimensional and predictable. I had always been girl-crazy. I needed to take myself out of the game.
So I dated a smattering of girls (over the past few years) with obvious expiration dates. (I didn't want to be totally out of touch :) ).
Now the main lessons that I learned are:
1) People have a difficult time letting go of their past. Past memories (not even the fondest ones) are held so dear by some that it causes them to do extraordinary and amazing things. And I don't use the words "extraordinary" or "amazing" in a favorable or positive way.
People (sometimes) maintain friendships/relationships with people that they dislike (or those that dislike them) just so they can hold onto the past. we all do it. it happens, but i wonder why that is. why do we try so hard to hold onto the past? i'm not saying that we should turn our backs on the past completely, but why not leave the past in the past? it's ok to revisit it every now and then, but life's too short to dwell on the past.
2) Relationships of any kind (romantic, friendship, etc.) are predicated on tolerance. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still the hopeless romantic that you know and love. ha. but let's face it. Our relationships are driven by 3 needs...loyalty, companionship and intimacy. obviously the levels of those needs vary depending on the particular relationship or the person(s), but those three things are things that we need. and it becomes a matter of "willingness to put of with someone's _____," that drives the relationship. we learn to deal with things that we dislike in others in order to achieve these 3 needs.
3) One of the things that I realized from taking myself out of the game was that I had lost touch. And because I lost touch I was too hard on people and not sensitive enough to their feelings. When you're an observer you're not invested emotionally in things and that's a big variable to overlook. Once I made myself open to feel genuine feelings again (like when I let my guard down, somewhat recently, and found myself truly caring about a new girl...more on that later...heh) I truly realized that I was out of touch.
But I needed that whole process to make sense of everything. And I feel good about it. I see things now that I overlooked in the past, I'm more sensitive to people and more aware of things. And I'm in a good place. :)
Ok, to lighten things up...Weekend recap!!!
Well, nothing too crazy. Thursday had wings and beer and dessert and watched NCAA games @ the Wing Factory. Friday was more of the same. Drank, had appetizers/bar food at Fridays and watched more NCAA games. Saturday, Drank, played some beer pong and watched (you guessed it) NCAA games and also Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Upcoming events...A few birthdays coming up. Christian's (throwing a partay), my mother's (throwing a partay), Pilar's b'day (TBD). Sean's wedding, April 25th. I'm a best man. exciting stuff!
Things are good. Life is short.
I'll leave you with quotes from 2 of my faves.
Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi
It is not length of life, but depth of life. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson