Double Standards | PG13 | The Closer/Major Crimes
Title: Double Standards
Prompt: The reason behind Brenda’s decision to accept the job in D.C.
Challenge: A to Z Drabble Challenge
Fandom: Brenda/Sharon, The Closer/Major Crimes
Requested by: imustgofirst
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 2163
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I wrote this based on the alphabet prompt “job” as well as the prompt “jealousy” and on one of the Brenda/Sharon head!canons on tumblr. There doesn’t appear to be many people still on board this ship, but I hope whoever reads it will enjoy it! Comments are love.
-
Brenda folded the last of her cardigans, placing it on top of the stack of clothing in the open suitcase. It was much more than she needed for a two night, two day stay in Washington D.C., but she had wanted to be prepared for the inevitable -- a cold front, a second interview, stray food stains. She scanned her hotel room once more for any items of clothing that she may have forgotten and reviewed the contents of her suitcase. She had one dress, one blazer, and one pair of slacks in the garment side of the suitcase; she hadn’t needed both outfits, but she had not wanted to be without choices the morning of her job interview.
”I’m going to level with you, Brenda. You’re exactly what we’re looking for. How do you feel about relocating back to the east coast?”
She had replayed the events of that morning over and over in her mind, her ears still ringing at the sound of Donald Jefferson’s voice when he offered her the job. She had agreed to the interview on a whim, not expecting it to result in an offer. She hadn’t really thought about it at all; a solid two weeks holed up in her office had been so monotonous that any opportunity to break out of the sparse four walls had been a blessing. Her skin prickled with goosebumps. It was an appealing prospect; being a chief investigator was largely a paper-pushing job, and it bored her to tears. This offer would put her back in the field. She hadn’t felt ready for it after the events leading to her resignation from the LAPD, but now…
Now, if she took the job, she’d be leaving a lot more than the D.A.’s office behind. She thought of her husband, back home in L.A., knowing nothing about the job interview that brought her across the country. She had told Fritz that she would be attending a few meetings in D.C. for work, and he had accepted her at her word. He had not asked any questions, and she had not volunteered any information -- this had become the routine of their marriage, this withholding of details, this illusion of conversing. They hadn’t talked, really talked, in months. It occurred to her then to wonder what might be happening in his life, what he might be holding back. In the past, she would have felt a stab of anxiety at the thought of him keeping things from her. The fact that she no longer experienced that fear was clearly indicative of a larger problem, a problem that had been a dark cloud hanging over their marriage for a very long time.
She sensed with certainty that if she decided to take the job, Fritz wouldn’t be coming with her. She would not ask him to come with her, and he would not offer. It felt so simple, the dissolution of a stagnant marriage. She couldn’t put her finger on how they they had been at this point in their relationship, and both of them had been avoiding the inevitable. Brenda, for her part, had been too much of a coward to confess the reason why she wanted out. She couldn’t tell him the truth, not now, not after years of infidelity. She could tell him that she’d been offered a job that she was interested in taking and avoid the messy business of the truth altogether...
Brenda twisted her lips in thought. If she did that, she’d have to take the job, and taking the job would significantly hinder any pursual of turning her affair into a relationship. Her stomach twisted at the thought.
There had been a time in her life when she couldn’t wait to put Sharon Raydor in the past. Now, Brenda couldn’t imagine a future without her in it.
Checking the clock, she noted that she still had plenty of time before she needed to head to the airport. She zipped the suitcase and flopped on the bed beside it, reaching for her cell phone. She dialed the number she knew by heart and waited, her heart hammering as she picked lint off her sleeve.
“Hello?”
Brenda warmed immediately at the sound of Sharon’s voice. “Hey you,” she said with a smile, leaning back against the mattress. She wondered if the woman was smiling too. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” she said with a hum, and Brenda just knew that the other woman was smiling after all. “And how are you?”
“Oh, I’m just fine. Couldn’t resist callin’ to hear your voice.”
“You must be having a slow morning at work...though I can’t say I mind the call.”
“That’s nice to hear.” Brenda’ cheeks warmed pleasantly. “Actually, I’m not in the office today.”
“Oh no? Is someone playing hookie?” the captain asked playfully.
The blonde chuckled. “I wish. I’m actually in D.C. right now. Gettin’ on a plane home soon.”
“Oh, I love D.C. Are you there for work or pleasure?”
“Work, unfortunately,” Brenda replied, rolling onto her side. She felt a sudden thrill at hearing of Sharon’s love of D.C.; if she took the job, perhaps their affair could continue... “But speakin’ of pleasure...I was hopin’ to see you when I get back…” Her voice dropped low as it did whenever she spoke to Sharon about the possibility of making these plans; her desire had not tempered over the years, and the very thought of spending even an hour alone with Sharon was enough to make her hot all over. “I could come over straight from the airport.”
Sharon emitted a sound of disappointment. “I wish I could, but I’ve got dinner plans tonight.”
The heat froze over, making Brenda feel like the blood in her veins had turned to ice. The jealousy hit her like a cruel, solid punch to the gut. “Oh, you do?”
“I do.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t wanna reschedule? I could make it worth your while…” Brenda held her breath; such an offer had gotten her far in the past, but the pause that followed made her heart sink. “It’s been ages since I’ve gotten to be alone with you.” She wisely did not throw in a reminder that it had been due to Sharon’s busy work schedule that they hadn’t made love in weeks.
“I’m sorry, Brenda Leigh. I can’t reschedule -- it would be rude.”
“Can’t reschedule, or won’t?” The realization hit her like a freight train. “Oh -- d’you have a date tonight?”
Sharon exhaled slowly. “It’s just dinner, Brenda. We’ve discussed this. What you and I have is separate from our respective relationships. I’d like to keep it that way.”
“So I suppose then you won’t tell me who you’re havin’ dinner with?”
Silence. “I don’t think that would be appropriate, no.”
Brenda curled her legs up to her chest, her stomach churning unpleasantly. She sighed. “Well...can I see you tomorrow then?”
Sharon’s voice notably softened as she lowered her guard. “I would like that.”
“All right.” Brenda managed an uneasy smile. “Please don’t go makin’ any dinner dates then, okay?”
“Tomorrow night then.”
Brenda heard a faint rat-a-tat-tat in the background, followed by Andy Flynn’s cheerful voice asking, “Hey Sharon, is it okay if I pick you up tonight at 7? I’ve got a few errands--ooh, I’m sorry to interrupt!”
Sharon’s voice sounded pinched. “It’s all right -- 7 is fine.” She exhaled sharply into the phone, and Brenda knew that she was pissed at having her secret blown.
Flynn.
Andy Flynn.
“You’re goin’ out with Flynn??” Brenda could not hide the disgust in her voice. The very thought of the captain dating the lieutenant made her feel sick to her stomach.
“Andy and I are friends, Brenda. I have to get back to work. Have a safe flight.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” She couldn’t bring herself to wish Sharon a nice evening with Flynn. At that she hung up, knowing that Sharon had probably already focused all of her attention on her work. It was one of the things she loved about Sharon: when they were together, Sharon made her feel like the most important person in the world. At 7, when Flynn showed up on her doorstep, her attention would be solely on him.
She wondered if she made Andy feel the same way.
She wondered how long they’d been friends and having dinners.
She wondered if they’d kissed yet.
She wondered if they’d fucked.
Brenda was no fool -- she knew that Sharon had not been celibate while they conducted their affair, and why should she be? What right did a married woman have to expect her lover to remain “faithful”? This expectation was part of the reason why their affair worked; Sharon needed that freedom as much as Brenda did. Brenda had simply chosen to ignore that facet of their relationship. Sharon had never mentioned going on a date with anyone before, and Brenda had kidded herself into thinking that Sharon hadn’t seen anyone for the three years they had been conducting their affair. She snorted derisively at her own naivete.
The blonde wrapped her arms around her stomach and the rock that had settled in the pit of it, closing her eyes. How had she not known that there was something going on between Sharon and Andy? She had always suspected that he had feelings for her -- anyone would have figured that out given the way he looked at her. It was easy to recognize because she looked at Sharon the same way. What she never expected was that Sharon might reciprocate those feelings.
Sharon Raydor had always been insistent about not becoming involved with her co-workers, but Brenda had been...special. Their connection had been immediate and Sharon had justified their affair because, while Brenda was her superior, Sharon had not worked directly beneath her. It was a pretty vague loophole in Brenda’s opinion, but she had loved just how willing Sharon had been to bend her beloved rules just to be with her. She had felt so special, so loved, so wanted...
Andy did work directly beneath Sharon, and it seemed that Sharon was willing to completely overlook her rules for him. If he was worth that oversight, then Brenda wasn’t special anymore.
She was surprised to feel tears stinging behind her closed eyelids. She had no idea where they stood, not now that Sharon was going on secret dates with Andy Flynn.
With a scowl, Brenda rolled herself into an upright position, stalking toward the minibar. It was barely noon and yet she searched for wine, hoping for something--anything--to take the edge off. She frowned to realize that the minibar only had a few sodas, bottles of water, and a couple of assorted hard liquors, none of which were appealing. She could wait until her flight to treat herself to a glass or two of wine. Instead, she grabbed an exorbitantly priced bag of m&ms and tore at the bag with her teeth before pouring a handful into her clammy palm. She dumped the candy into her mouth, chomping with unnecessary force as she paced across the room.
It had become clear to her that things were about to change. Nothing had gone the way she wanted or expected, and it took every ounce of willpower to refrain from stomping her foot or throwing the half-eaten bag of candy across the room. She felt as if the rug had been pulled out from beneath her. She had trusted Sharon to be honest with her. Sure, Sharon said that she and Flynn were just friends, but she couldn’t ignore the niggling voice in the back of her head that told her Sharon might not be entirely truthful since she had not even mentioned their burgeoning friendship. She had always, always been able to trust Sharon and now…
She poured the remainder of the m&ms directly into her mouth, chewing quickly as she reached once more for her cell phone. She barely tasted the chocolate, barely felt the intoxicating rush of sugar in her system, as she dialed the second most recent number in her call log.
He answered on the second ring, and his voice was cool and confident. “Ms. Johnson, I hadn’t expected to hear from you so soon. What can I do for you?”
“Donald, I’m in. I’d like to accept your offer.”
A knot of tension loosened between her shoulder blades and she let out a relieved sigh. What she wanted was Sharon, and she refused to share her with Andy Flynn of all people. It was a double standard -- Sharon had been willing to share her with Fritz, but Brenda could not and would not put herself in that position.
If she couldn’t have her, she would leave and she wouldn’t look back.
Tears prickled once more in her eyes, and even as Donald animatedly rejoiced, Brenda’s heart broke.
---
Prompt: The reason behind Brenda’s decision to accept the job in D.C.
Challenge: A to Z Drabble Challenge
Fandom: Brenda/Sharon, The Closer/Major Crimes
Requested by: imustgofirst
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 2163
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I wrote this based on the alphabet prompt “job” as well as the prompt “jealousy” and on one of the Brenda/Sharon head!canons on tumblr. There doesn’t appear to be many people still on board this ship, but I hope whoever reads it will enjoy it! Comments are love.
-
Brenda folded the last of her cardigans, placing it on top of the stack of clothing in the open suitcase. It was much more than she needed for a two night, two day stay in Washington D.C., but she had wanted to be prepared for the inevitable -- a cold front, a second interview, stray food stains. She scanned her hotel room once more for any items of clothing that she may have forgotten and reviewed the contents of her suitcase. She had one dress, one blazer, and one pair of slacks in the garment side of the suitcase; she hadn’t needed both outfits, but she had not wanted to be without choices the morning of her job interview.
”I’m going to level with you, Brenda. You’re exactly what we’re looking for. How do you feel about relocating back to the east coast?”
She had replayed the events of that morning over and over in her mind, her ears still ringing at the sound of Donald Jefferson’s voice when he offered her the job. She had agreed to the interview on a whim, not expecting it to result in an offer. She hadn’t really thought about it at all; a solid two weeks holed up in her office had been so monotonous that any opportunity to break out of the sparse four walls had been a blessing. Her skin prickled with goosebumps. It was an appealing prospect; being a chief investigator was largely a paper-pushing job, and it bored her to tears. This offer would put her back in the field. She hadn’t felt ready for it after the events leading to her resignation from the LAPD, but now…
Now, if she took the job, she’d be leaving a lot more than the D.A.’s office behind. She thought of her husband, back home in L.A., knowing nothing about the job interview that brought her across the country. She had told Fritz that she would be attending a few meetings in D.C. for work, and he had accepted her at her word. He had not asked any questions, and she had not volunteered any information -- this had become the routine of their marriage, this withholding of details, this illusion of conversing. They hadn’t talked, really talked, in months. It occurred to her then to wonder what might be happening in his life, what he might be holding back. In the past, she would have felt a stab of anxiety at the thought of him keeping things from her. The fact that she no longer experienced that fear was clearly indicative of a larger problem, a problem that had been a dark cloud hanging over their marriage for a very long time.
She sensed with certainty that if she decided to take the job, Fritz wouldn’t be coming with her. She would not ask him to come with her, and he would not offer. It felt so simple, the dissolution of a stagnant marriage. She couldn’t put her finger on how they they had been at this point in their relationship, and both of them had been avoiding the inevitable. Brenda, for her part, had been too much of a coward to confess the reason why she wanted out. She couldn’t tell him the truth, not now, not after years of infidelity. She could tell him that she’d been offered a job that she was interested in taking and avoid the messy business of the truth altogether...
Brenda twisted her lips in thought. If she did that, she’d have to take the job, and taking the job would significantly hinder any pursual of turning her affair into a relationship. Her stomach twisted at the thought.
There had been a time in her life when she couldn’t wait to put Sharon Raydor in the past. Now, Brenda couldn’t imagine a future without her in it.
Checking the clock, she noted that she still had plenty of time before she needed to head to the airport. She zipped the suitcase and flopped on the bed beside it, reaching for her cell phone. She dialed the number she knew by heart and waited, her heart hammering as she picked lint off her sleeve.
“Hello?”
Brenda warmed immediately at the sound of Sharon’s voice. “Hey you,” she said with a smile, leaning back against the mattress. She wondered if the woman was smiling too. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” she said with a hum, and Brenda just knew that the other woman was smiling after all. “And how are you?”
“Oh, I’m just fine. Couldn’t resist callin’ to hear your voice.”
“You must be having a slow morning at work...though I can’t say I mind the call.”
“That’s nice to hear.” Brenda’ cheeks warmed pleasantly. “Actually, I’m not in the office today.”
“Oh no? Is someone playing hookie?” the captain asked playfully.
The blonde chuckled. “I wish. I’m actually in D.C. right now. Gettin’ on a plane home soon.”
“Oh, I love D.C. Are you there for work or pleasure?”
“Work, unfortunately,” Brenda replied, rolling onto her side. She felt a sudden thrill at hearing of Sharon’s love of D.C.; if she took the job, perhaps their affair could continue... “But speakin’ of pleasure...I was hopin’ to see you when I get back…” Her voice dropped low as it did whenever she spoke to Sharon about the possibility of making these plans; her desire had not tempered over the years, and the very thought of spending even an hour alone with Sharon was enough to make her hot all over. “I could come over straight from the airport.”
Sharon emitted a sound of disappointment. “I wish I could, but I’ve got dinner plans tonight.”
The heat froze over, making Brenda feel like the blood in her veins had turned to ice. The jealousy hit her like a cruel, solid punch to the gut. “Oh, you do?”
“I do.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t wanna reschedule? I could make it worth your while…” Brenda held her breath; such an offer had gotten her far in the past, but the pause that followed made her heart sink. “It’s been ages since I’ve gotten to be alone with you.” She wisely did not throw in a reminder that it had been due to Sharon’s busy work schedule that they hadn’t made love in weeks.
“I’m sorry, Brenda Leigh. I can’t reschedule -- it would be rude.”
“Can’t reschedule, or won’t?” The realization hit her like a freight train. “Oh -- d’you have a date tonight?”
Sharon exhaled slowly. “It’s just dinner, Brenda. We’ve discussed this. What you and I have is separate from our respective relationships. I’d like to keep it that way.”
“So I suppose then you won’t tell me who you’re havin’ dinner with?”
Silence. “I don’t think that would be appropriate, no.”
Brenda curled her legs up to her chest, her stomach churning unpleasantly. She sighed. “Well...can I see you tomorrow then?”
Sharon’s voice notably softened as she lowered her guard. “I would like that.”
“All right.” Brenda managed an uneasy smile. “Please don’t go makin’ any dinner dates then, okay?”
“Tomorrow night then.”
Brenda heard a faint rat-a-tat-tat in the background, followed by Andy Flynn’s cheerful voice asking, “Hey Sharon, is it okay if I pick you up tonight at 7? I’ve got a few errands--ooh, I’m sorry to interrupt!”
Sharon’s voice sounded pinched. “It’s all right -- 7 is fine.” She exhaled sharply into the phone, and Brenda knew that she was pissed at having her secret blown.
Flynn.
Andy Flynn.
“You’re goin’ out with Flynn??” Brenda could not hide the disgust in her voice. The very thought of the captain dating the lieutenant made her feel sick to her stomach.
“Andy and I are friends, Brenda. I have to get back to work. Have a safe flight.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” She couldn’t bring herself to wish Sharon a nice evening with Flynn. At that she hung up, knowing that Sharon had probably already focused all of her attention on her work. It was one of the things she loved about Sharon: when they were together, Sharon made her feel like the most important person in the world. At 7, when Flynn showed up on her doorstep, her attention would be solely on him.
She wondered if she made Andy feel the same way.
She wondered how long they’d been friends and having dinners.
She wondered if they’d kissed yet.
She wondered if they’d fucked.
Brenda was no fool -- she knew that Sharon had not been celibate while they conducted their affair, and why should she be? What right did a married woman have to expect her lover to remain “faithful”? This expectation was part of the reason why their affair worked; Sharon needed that freedom as much as Brenda did. Brenda had simply chosen to ignore that facet of their relationship. Sharon had never mentioned going on a date with anyone before, and Brenda had kidded herself into thinking that Sharon hadn’t seen anyone for the three years they had been conducting their affair. She snorted derisively at her own naivete.
The blonde wrapped her arms around her stomach and the rock that had settled in the pit of it, closing her eyes. How had she not known that there was something going on between Sharon and Andy? She had always suspected that he had feelings for her -- anyone would have figured that out given the way he looked at her. It was easy to recognize because she looked at Sharon the same way. What she never expected was that Sharon might reciprocate those feelings.
Sharon Raydor had always been insistent about not becoming involved with her co-workers, but Brenda had been...special. Their connection had been immediate and Sharon had justified their affair because, while Brenda was her superior, Sharon had not worked directly beneath her. It was a pretty vague loophole in Brenda’s opinion, but she had loved just how willing Sharon had been to bend her beloved rules just to be with her. She had felt so special, so loved, so wanted...
Andy did work directly beneath Sharon, and it seemed that Sharon was willing to completely overlook her rules for him. If he was worth that oversight, then Brenda wasn’t special anymore.
She was surprised to feel tears stinging behind her closed eyelids. She had no idea where they stood, not now that Sharon was going on secret dates with Andy Flynn.
With a scowl, Brenda rolled herself into an upright position, stalking toward the minibar. It was barely noon and yet she searched for wine, hoping for something--anything--to take the edge off. She frowned to realize that the minibar only had a few sodas, bottles of water, and a couple of assorted hard liquors, none of which were appealing. She could wait until her flight to treat herself to a glass or two of wine. Instead, she grabbed an exorbitantly priced bag of m&ms and tore at the bag with her teeth before pouring a handful into her clammy palm. She dumped the candy into her mouth, chomping with unnecessary force as she paced across the room.
It had become clear to her that things were about to change. Nothing had gone the way she wanted or expected, and it took every ounce of willpower to refrain from stomping her foot or throwing the half-eaten bag of candy across the room. She felt as if the rug had been pulled out from beneath her. She had trusted Sharon to be honest with her. Sure, Sharon said that she and Flynn were just friends, but she couldn’t ignore the niggling voice in the back of her head that told her Sharon might not be entirely truthful since she had not even mentioned their burgeoning friendship. She had always, always been able to trust Sharon and now…
She poured the remainder of the m&ms directly into her mouth, chewing quickly as she reached once more for her cell phone. She barely tasted the chocolate, barely felt the intoxicating rush of sugar in her system, as she dialed the second most recent number in her call log.
He answered on the second ring, and his voice was cool and confident. “Ms. Johnson, I hadn’t expected to hear from you so soon. What can I do for you?”
“Donald, I’m in. I’d like to accept your offer.”
A knot of tension loosened between her shoulder blades and she let out a relieved sigh. What she wanted was Sharon, and she refused to share her with Andy Flynn of all people. It was a double standard -- Sharon had been willing to share her with Fritz, but Brenda could not and would not put herself in that position.
If she couldn’t have her, she would leave and she wouldn’t look back.
Tears prickled once more in her eyes, and even as Donald animatedly rejoiced, Brenda’s heart broke.
---