Jack in the Box | R | 30 Rock
Title: Jack In The Box
Prompt: celebrating Christmas with Colleen
Challenge: 100 Fic Challenge (#16)
Fandom: Jack/Liz, 30 Rock
Requested by: michellek
Rating: R
Word Count: 1985
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I’ve been working on this fic for forever, so I finally decided to just put aside my anxiety over it so that I could finish it. I’m totally nervous about writing for one of my favorite 30 Rock writers and even more nervous about how I handled the characterization here…but when am I not a spazz over my writing? All mistakes are my own. Let me know what you think!
-
Liz is in the middle of a really awesome dream when she feels a hand on her boob. She thinks for a moment that it may be part of her dream, but the giant Cupcake King of Cupcake Land that she's eating doesn't have arms so that doesn't make much sense. When she feels teeth (which the King also doesn’t have) nibbling on her ear, she realizes she's definitely not asleep anymore and reluctantly opens her eyes. Her boyfriend is sucking on her earlobe and pinching her nipple.
"Good morning," Jack says, his voice low and raspy, when he feels her stir. He kisses her neck.
Liz doesn't usually like morning sex because of the awkward breath and the disheveled hair that makes her look like she's nesting mice, but this is pretty nice. She doesn’t even mind that her dream about a giant cupcake has been interrupted. Too bad the sex thing can't happen.
"Jack…we have to pick your mother up from the airport in like negative twelve minutes. We don't have time for this."
He persists in his oral assault of her neck and finds that spot that makes her legs stop working. "There's always time for Christmas sex."
"We can have Christmas sex later when your mother is safely deposited at her hotel and we don't have to worry about her showing up out of the blue."
"She could always show up out of the blue, Lemon. She'll show up out of the blue when she's finally dead and buried three hundred years from now." He slips his hand inside her panties and she's slightly irritated to realize that she's already wet. He gives a triumphant groan against her throat.
"All the more reason to st-stop these shenanigans." She bites her lip.
"What if this were your Christmas present? You'd really say no to your gift from me?"
"I'd be pretty P.O.ed if this was my gift."
He pulls back and furrows his brow. His hair is ruffled and spiked haphazardly in the air. He looks endearingly young and Liz kisses his forehead. She likes him best like this, when he’s scruffy and unshowered and not wearing a suit that costs more than she makes in a week. She likes when he’s Jack-the-boyfriend and not Jack-the-businessman-boss.
"I don't mean that I don't want your sex, because I totally do." To prove her point, she shifts her hips against his hand, further acquainting him with the evidence of her arousal. "But I can have sex with you any day, and I can only get edible shaving cream one day a year."
"Firstly, Lemon, I still don't understand the appeal of edible shaving cream, and secondly, I'm positive that it is sold year round."
Liz can't think for a moment because Jack's fingers are stroking on either side of her clit, and it's becoming much harder to object to Christmas sex, but then she registers what he just said. "You don't get the appeal? I mean come on…what happens when you have all that excess shaving cream on your hands once you lather your legs? Or, you know, your face? You’re supposed to just waste it?" She makes an incredulous sound.
"Simple: you don't use more than you need."
She ignores this. "So you've got a handful of cream that looks way too much like whipped cream, and you're supposed to just rinse it off? Why do that when you can just eat it? It's genius."
"I'm fairly certain that you're not meant to ingest the edible shaving cream in large quantities. I believe there's even a disclaimer on the bottle."
She juts her lower lip out in a pout. "Why not? Why market it as edible then?"
"Let's say you were shaving your pubic hair and I felt the sudden urge to kiss and/or lick--"
"Oooookay, got the picture. Never gonna have a razor in that area, but I get the picture."
He does not respond; his mouth is currently teasing her breast through the thin cotton of the Princeton t-shirt she's wearing. She's closing her eyes now. It would be so easy to allow herself to just enjoy his quote unquote gift…
…but she can't.
"Jack," Liz says reluctantly as she pushes at his shoulder. "We have to get your mom. She'd kill you for forgetting about her and forcing her to take a cab."
He purses his lips. "You have a point…I wouldn't put it past Colleen to call Homeland Security again over the driver."
Liz aptly avoids recalling awkward memories and instead says, "So, out ya go." She tugs his arm in her attempt to pull it out of her underwear. He is too quick and instead cups his large hand around her lady parts. "Jack!"
He leans his head against her shoulder. "I'm not ready to face her yet. It's our first Christmas as a couple. My God…Mother will have a field day."
Liz isn't sure how to respond to this. "I thought she liked me though?"
"That's exactly my point. She was right about you all along. She'll be insufferable."
"Awe…but it'll be kinda cute though. Your mom actually approves of me! At least she appreciates my awesomeness."
He shifts the heel of his palm against her, bumping right where it counts. Her back arches and her eyes widen and she slaps at his arm. "Of course I appreciate you."
"Well, you clearly don't respect me or we'd be getting ready to go right now."
"Lemon, we have plenty of time. I don't know why you're so spastic about this. We have plenty of time."
"Why are you so calm about this? This is Colleen Donaghy, the most unpredictable woman on the planet. The idea of her possibly showing up out of the blue gives me the creeps."
He chuckles. "As long as we're in this bed, we're safe."
"You're just saying that so you can keep feeling me up."
"No, I mean it. My mother has an aversion to coming into my bedroom. She walked in on me once when I was fourteen and, after forcing me to go right out and replace the toaster, has since stayed outside my door at all times."
"The toaster?"
Jack disregards her comment. "Even when I had my cardiac episode, she remained outside the door until the paramedics were wheeling me out."
"Wow. That's cold."
"It suits me perfectly fine."
"But you could have died."
Jack shrugs.
Liz scrunches her nose. "She has to know you're an adult and that you do…adult things."
"She is perfectly aware of my extracurricular activities, but there is no need for her to actually witness them. Would you want your mother walking in on you in the bedroom?"
"Ew…okay…no." Jack's fingers are still doing things to her and it just feels wrong to think about her parents and so she doesn't. "You're terrible."
"I suspect that you may like it though."
"I don't. Not at all. Not in the lea--ooh." He's grinding his palm pretty insistently against her clit and she's getting really close to climaxing. She wants to be irritated with him. She really does. But she's almost there and "there" is a really nice place to be and…
As Liz is arching her back and preparing herself for an orgasm, the bedroom door bursts open.
A lot happens in a very short span of time. Colleen shrieks, Liz pulls the blanket over her head, and Jack pulls his hand out of Liz's underwear so quickly that he actually hits her in the face. She is rubbing her jaw while Jack hisses, "Mother!?"
"What in the hell is this, Jacky?"
"What does it look like?"
"Looks to me like you neglected to pick up your mother from the airport so you could play Jack in the box with some floozy!"
Liz thinks she may be going into system overload. Her wish to be eaten by the mattress dissolves when she hears Colleen's surprisingly clever joke. She smiles and then registers that she's just been called a floozy. She frowns.
"I fail to see what's so wrong about being intimate with my girlfriend, Mother."
"Your…Liz?"
"Who else?"
Liz doesn't know whether to be mortified or offended. Instead she simply offers a muffled, "Hi, Mrs. Donaghy." She sticks an arm out from under the blanket and waves in the general direction of the door.
"Is that really Liz in there?"
"I repeat: who else would it be?"
"You never know with your track record, Jacky."
Liz lowers the blanket and uncovers her only face, still aware of the wet spot on her t-shirt directly over her nipple. "See? Really me."
Colleen's eyebrows climb her forehead. "So it is."
Liz frowns. "You did know that Jack and I are--"
"Of course I knew. You think I don't know what's going on in my son's life?" Colleen purses her lips. "I may only get a call every few weeks--"
"Mother, I call you at least four times a week."
"--But I'm still generally in the loop." Colleen raises her hands in a helpless gesture. "Surely you can understand my surprise to hear that he was telling the truth."
"What reason would I have for lying?"
"Oh I don't know," Colleen begins. "What reason did you have for telling me that you were transferring to Singapore? Or that you were going to become a monk in Ireland?”
Liz raises an eyebrow at Jack, who simply shrugs. “I do so appreciate your faith in me, Mother. It’s endearing. Truly heartwarming.”
“What’s heartwarming is knowing that my son forgot that the woman who gave birth to him was coming in on an earlier flight and chose to get laid instead.” Colleen looks at Liz. “What kind of child chooses sex over his mother?”
“Uuh…”
“And I’m really disappointed in you, Liz. I would have expected more out of you but you two really are exactly the same.” Colleen shakes her head. “Perfect for each other.”
Liz knows that she should be bummed about the fact that Colleen totally just dissed her, but she beams instead. “Awe…thanks, Mrs. Donaghy!” Her heart swells a little at the unintentional compliment.
Colleen opens her mouth to correct Liz, but Jack puts up a hand. “If you would like to receive the tickets to the Caribbean cruise for Christmas instead of a one-way ticket into a home, I suggest you go into the living room and allow us to get dressed so we may attempt start this Christmas morning over correctly.”
Colleen considers his words, as if weighing her options, and finally turns towards the door. She pauses with her hand on the knob and says, “You better not be long, or I’m taking the pastry tray that I brought for breakfast down to the closest homeless shelter and throwing it away.”
Liz’s shoulders perk at the mention of pastry. “We’ll behave. Promise.”
Colleen gives a final nod before shutting the door behind her. Jack drops back onto his pillow with a disbelieving sigh. “Nowhere is safe.”
Liz laughs. “I hate to say it…”
“So don’t.”
She leans over him, pressing her lips gently to his. “Told ya so.”
“This is not exactly how I’d have had our first Christmas together play out.”
“Hey…who am I to complain? I’ve got Colleen’s approval…sort of…a great boyfriend, a tray full of pastry, and edible shaving cream. What more could a girl want on Christmas?”
Jack quirks his eyebrows.
Liz can’t help but blush. “Christmas night sex will be just as awesome as Christmas morning sex.”
Jack smiles and kisses her, just as Colleen bellows from the other room. The two of them simultaneously groan and get out of bed. As Liz is stepping into her jeans, she bursts into laughter. “Your mom said ‘jack in the box!’ That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard!”
Jack rolls his eyes. “Welcome to the family, Lemon.”
----
Prompt: celebrating Christmas with Colleen
Challenge: 100 Fic Challenge (#16)
Fandom: Jack/Liz, 30 Rock
Requested by: michellek
Rating: R
Word Count: 1985
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I’ve been working on this fic for forever, so I finally decided to just put aside my anxiety over it so that I could finish it. I’m totally nervous about writing for one of my favorite 30 Rock writers and even more nervous about how I handled the characterization here…but when am I not a spazz over my writing? All mistakes are my own. Let me know what you think!
-
Liz is in the middle of a really awesome dream when she feels a hand on her boob. She thinks for a moment that it may be part of her dream, but the giant Cupcake King of Cupcake Land that she's eating doesn't have arms so that doesn't make much sense. When she feels teeth (which the King also doesn’t have) nibbling on her ear, she realizes she's definitely not asleep anymore and reluctantly opens her eyes. Her boyfriend is sucking on her earlobe and pinching her nipple.
"Good morning," Jack says, his voice low and raspy, when he feels her stir. He kisses her neck.
Liz doesn't usually like morning sex because of the awkward breath and the disheveled hair that makes her look like she's nesting mice, but this is pretty nice. She doesn’t even mind that her dream about a giant cupcake has been interrupted. Too bad the sex thing can't happen.
"Jack…we have to pick your mother up from the airport in like negative twelve minutes. We don't have time for this."
He persists in his oral assault of her neck and finds that spot that makes her legs stop working. "There's always time for Christmas sex."
"We can have Christmas sex later when your mother is safely deposited at her hotel and we don't have to worry about her showing up out of the blue."
"She could always show up out of the blue, Lemon. She'll show up out of the blue when she's finally dead and buried three hundred years from now." He slips his hand inside her panties and she's slightly irritated to realize that she's already wet. He gives a triumphant groan against her throat.
"All the more reason to st-stop these shenanigans." She bites her lip.
"What if this were your Christmas present? You'd really say no to your gift from me?"
"I'd be pretty P.O.ed if this was my gift."
He pulls back and furrows his brow. His hair is ruffled and spiked haphazardly in the air. He looks endearingly young and Liz kisses his forehead. She likes him best like this, when he’s scruffy and unshowered and not wearing a suit that costs more than she makes in a week. She likes when he’s Jack-the-boyfriend and not Jack-the-businessman-boss.
"I don't mean that I don't want your sex, because I totally do." To prove her point, she shifts her hips against his hand, further acquainting him with the evidence of her arousal. "But I can have sex with you any day, and I can only get edible shaving cream one day a year."
"Firstly, Lemon, I still don't understand the appeal of edible shaving cream, and secondly, I'm positive that it is sold year round."
Liz can't think for a moment because Jack's fingers are stroking on either side of her clit, and it's becoming much harder to object to Christmas sex, but then she registers what he just said. "You don't get the appeal? I mean come on…what happens when you have all that excess shaving cream on your hands once you lather your legs? Or, you know, your face? You’re supposed to just waste it?" She makes an incredulous sound.
"Simple: you don't use more than you need."
She ignores this. "So you've got a handful of cream that looks way too much like whipped cream, and you're supposed to just rinse it off? Why do that when you can just eat it? It's genius."
"I'm fairly certain that you're not meant to ingest the edible shaving cream in large quantities. I believe there's even a disclaimer on the bottle."
She juts her lower lip out in a pout. "Why not? Why market it as edible then?"
"Let's say you were shaving your pubic hair and I felt the sudden urge to kiss and/or lick--"
"Oooookay, got the picture. Never gonna have a razor in that area, but I get the picture."
He does not respond; his mouth is currently teasing her breast through the thin cotton of the Princeton t-shirt she's wearing. She's closing her eyes now. It would be so easy to allow herself to just enjoy his quote unquote gift…
…but she can't.
"Jack," Liz says reluctantly as she pushes at his shoulder. "We have to get your mom. She'd kill you for forgetting about her and forcing her to take a cab."
He purses his lips. "You have a point…I wouldn't put it past Colleen to call Homeland Security again over the driver."
Liz aptly avoids recalling awkward memories and instead says, "So, out ya go." She tugs his arm in her attempt to pull it out of her underwear. He is too quick and instead cups his large hand around her lady parts. "Jack!"
He leans his head against her shoulder. "I'm not ready to face her yet. It's our first Christmas as a couple. My God…Mother will have a field day."
Liz isn't sure how to respond to this. "I thought she liked me though?"
"That's exactly my point. She was right about you all along. She'll be insufferable."
"Awe…but it'll be kinda cute though. Your mom actually approves of me! At least she appreciates my awesomeness."
He shifts the heel of his palm against her, bumping right where it counts. Her back arches and her eyes widen and she slaps at his arm. "Of course I appreciate you."
"Well, you clearly don't respect me or we'd be getting ready to go right now."
"Lemon, we have plenty of time. I don't know why you're so spastic about this. We have plenty of time."
"Why are you so calm about this? This is Colleen Donaghy, the most unpredictable woman on the planet. The idea of her possibly showing up out of the blue gives me the creeps."
He chuckles. "As long as we're in this bed, we're safe."
"You're just saying that so you can keep feeling me up."
"No, I mean it. My mother has an aversion to coming into my bedroom. She walked in on me once when I was fourteen and, after forcing me to go right out and replace the toaster, has since stayed outside my door at all times."
"The toaster?"
Jack disregards her comment. "Even when I had my cardiac episode, she remained outside the door until the paramedics were wheeling me out."
"Wow. That's cold."
"It suits me perfectly fine."
"But you could have died."
Jack shrugs.
Liz scrunches her nose. "She has to know you're an adult and that you do…adult things."
"She is perfectly aware of my extracurricular activities, but there is no need for her to actually witness them. Would you want your mother walking in on you in the bedroom?"
"Ew…okay…no." Jack's fingers are still doing things to her and it just feels wrong to think about her parents and so she doesn't. "You're terrible."
"I suspect that you may like it though."
"I don't. Not at all. Not in the lea--ooh." He's grinding his palm pretty insistently against her clit and she's getting really close to climaxing. She wants to be irritated with him. She really does. But she's almost there and "there" is a really nice place to be and…
As Liz is arching her back and preparing herself for an orgasm, the bedroom door bursts open.
A lot happens in a very short span of time. Colleen shrieks, Liz pulls the blanket over her head, and Jack pulls his hand out of Liz's underwear so quickly that he actually hits her in the face. She is rubbing her jaw while Jack hisses, "Mother!?"
"What in the hell is this, Jacky?"
"What does it look like?"
"Looks to me like you neglected to pick up your mother from the airport so you could play Jack in the box with some floozy!"
Liz thinks she may be going into system overload. Her wish to be eaten by the mattress dissolves when she hears Colleen's surprisingly clever joke. She smiles and then registers that she's just been called a floozy. She frowns.
"I fail to see what's so wrong about being intimate with my girlfriend, Mother."
"Your…Liz?"
"Who else?"
Liz doesn't know whether to be mortified or offended. Instead she simply offers a muffled, "Hi, Mrs. Donaghy." She sticks an arm out from under the blanket and waves in the general direction of the door.
"Is that really Liz in there?"
"I repeat: who else would it be?"
"You never know with your track record, Jacky."
Liz lowers the blanket and uncovers her only face, still aware of the wet spot on her t-shirt directly over her nipple. "See? Really me."
Colleen's eyebrows climb her forehead. "So it is."
Liz frowns. "You did know that Jack and I are--"
"Of course I knew. You think I don't know what's going on in my son's life?" Colleen purses her lips. "I may only get a call every few weeks--"
"Mother, I call you at least four times a week."
"--But I'm still generally in the loop." Colleen raises her hands in a helpless gesture. "Surely you can understand my surprise to hear that he was telling the truth."
"What reason would I have for lying?"
"Oh I don't know," Colleen begins. "What reason did you have for telling me that you were transferring to Singapore? Or that you were going to become a monk in Ireland?”
Liz raises an eyebrow at Jack, who simply shrugs. “I do so appreciate your faith in me, Mother. It’s endearing. Truly heartwarming.”
“What’s heartwarming is knowing that my son forgot that the woman who gave birth to him was coming in on an earlier flight and chose to get laid instead.” Colleen looks at Liz. “What kind of child chooses sex over his mother?”
“Uuh…”
“And I’m really disappointed in you, Liz. I would have expected more out of you but you two really are exactly the same.” Colleen shakes her head. “Perfect for each other.”
Liz knows that she should be bummed about the fact that Colleen totally just dissed her, but she beams instead. “Awe…thanks, Mrs. Donaghy!” Her heart swells a little at the unintentional compliment.
Colleen opens her mouth to correct Liz, but Jack puts up a hand. “If you would like to receive the tickets to the Caribbean cruise for Christmas instead of a one-way ticket into a home, I suggest you go into the living room and allow us to get dressed so we may attempt start this Christmas morning over correctly.”
Colleen considers his words, as if weighing her options, and finally turns towards the door. She pauses with her hand on the knob and says, “You better not be long, or I’m taking the pastry tray that I brought for breakfast down to the closest homeless shelter and throwing it away.”
Liz’s shoulders perk at the mention of pastry. “We’ll behave. Promise.”
Colleen gives a final nod before shutting the door behind her. Jack drops back onto his pillow with a disbelieving sigh. “Nowhere is safe.”
Liz laughs. “I hate to say it…”
“So don’t.”
She leans over him, pressing her lips gently to his. “Told ya so.”
“This is not exactly how I’d have had our first Christmas together play out.”
“Hey…who am I to complain? I’ve got Colleen’s approval…sort of…a great boyfriend, a tray full of pastry, and edible shaving cream. What more could a girl want on Christmas?”
Jack quirks his eyebrows.
Liz can’t help but blush. “Christmas night sex will be just as awesome as Christmas morning sex.”
Jack smiles and kisses her, just as Colleen bellows from the other room. The two of them simultaneously groan and get out of bed. As Liz is stepping into her jeans, she bursts into laughter. “Your mom said ‘jack in the box!’ That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard!”
Jack rolls his eyes. “Welcome to the family, Lemon.”
----