nothin's gonna change my world
This is going to sound ridiculous, but I got unnecessarily emotional about the series finale of The L Word. I won't drop any spoilers…but it's weird that the show is over. It may have been a train wreck at times. It may have had some of the worst writing I've ever encountered…but I am still going to miss it. I cried like a baby during the tribute special that aired beforehand. I sobbed during a Bette/Tina scene because of how desperately I want to have the person I love physically in my life. It killed me. But I digress. Point is, I'll miss this fucked up, lovable show. The finale itself, in retrospect, was disappointing and almost completely worthless…but a part of me is still really sad to say goodbye. *le sigh*
Not much really to write about. I'm not sure why I'm posting.
I've got a lot to get done. I really need to figure out my health insurance issues. Basically, I have to decide whether I continue to pay 200 bucks a month for a really good health insurance plan and keep the doctor I've been seeing for several years, OR I change to a much cheaper (practically free) plan that's a little less focused on my needs and change to some random ass doctor in a different town. I'm really, really not keen about leaving my doctor; she knows me really well and I don't want to have to start all over with someone new. The fact is…if I do change, I will avoid any and all need to go to the doctor. I just won't go. And if I change, I will have to seriously consider the fact that I'll have to start weaning off my meds. My dad thinks it's time, which I guess is good because he thinks I am well again, but the idea does make me a little nervous. But it has to come down to money, and I don't think I can realistically afford to pay so much a month when I am reasonably healthy. I don't know what to do.
Something that's been on my mind has been nagging at me. I was recently "dismissed" as someone's friend. Events occurred and this person took it upon herself, as if she were the queen of the universe, to say she wasn't going to bother with me anymore…that she didn't want to see my name on her friends list anymore. And it's stupid, because why would I want some selfish asshole like that in my life? But I guess part of me wants to know why…what was it about me that was just not worthy of having around? What part of me was so bad that it outweighed the constant kindness that I showed this person? I just don't understand and it hurts a lot more than I anticipated.
I've been thinking about albion a lot lately. I miss it so much :( The fact that it's coming on spring makes me wistful - albion is beautiful in the spring. There's one tree that flowers in the spring and it's absolutely gorgeous…and I will miss seeing it. it's also women's history month, which means that there is a month's worth of events that are going on. I hate not being involved in it. I've also been hearing a lot about the school's money issues, and how people are getting fired all over the place. Apparently there's a rumor that an entire department that will be cut, and I am absolutely terrified that it'll be the women's and gender studies department. After all the work that was done to be officially recognized as a major, it could be taken away. It kills me. I wish I had money. I'd be some wealthy old benefactress who gave all my money to the department.
I thought this was supposed to be a time of hope and change for the better? I'm still waiting.