The Democratic Convention 2012
A few days ago the Democratic National Committee announced that there were four cities in the running for the 2012 Democratic Convention. While political reality dictates they need to have the convention in Ohio it’s a good attempt to generate buzz. The cities listed as possibilities were:
Charlotte, NC
Cleveland, OH
Minneapolis, Mn
St. Louis, MS
Old news to those of us that pay attention to this stuff right? Well I went fishing for how the news was being received by those different cities and found this amusing, obnoxious write up from a columnist named Mark Washburn in the Charlotte Observer. The last line sums up the reality of the situation. The rest of it is just a chuckle. I wish I had thought of doing this when the RNC picked Tampa.
Plus, if we had a river, it wouldn’t catch on fire
By Mark Washburn
I know a few of you had the same reaction I did when the Democrats announced Charlotte was a finalist for hosting their 2012 convention.
Which was: Huh?
Then: You’re sure you don’t mean Charleston?
Yes, that’s exactly what they meant.
Simple mistake. Everybody makes it. But then it was too late.
Fortunately, we’re a polite city and will do whatever it takes to charm the selection committee. Our strategy shall be considerate, courteous and altogether Southern.
Meaning, we shall stab the other nominees in the back.
We got a lot to work with. Our rivals are Cleveland, Minneapolis and St. Louis.
We shall start by examining city mottos.
Cleveland: “Odds of snow in August are less than 50-50.”
Minneapolis: “Our glaciers are still retreating.”
St. Louis: “We need the money.”
Charlotte: “You’ve been through our airport.”
So we win that one. Now let’s look at local wildlife themes.
Minneapolis: Gophers.
St. Louis: Clydesdales.
Cleveland: Mutant fish.
Charlotte: Bigfoot.
Slam dunk.
We’re not going to spend much time selling native attractions like the NASCAR Hall of Fame or the Billy Graham Library. Remember, they’re Democrats.
They’re going to be drawn more to Cleveland’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Minneapolis’ ice rinks and St. Louis’ breweries.
We’ll have to focus on climate, which we should win.
Cleveland and Minneapolis, situated as they are in the suburbs of the North Pole, are not cities one is attracted to for their healing vapors. And St. Louis is notorious for its four distinct seasons: hot, steamy, molten and tornado.
We are a paradise year-round, particularly if you’re drawn to the great indoors.
Yes, perhaps we have the occasional warm snap in August, but we shall laugh this off with the observation: “Sometimes in summer it gets so hot here that the topless dancers take off their bottoms.”
It’s OK, I tell you. Remember, they’re Democrats.
There’s always a catch when you’re trying to lure a political convention. In this case, we have to find sponsors to pony up about $45 million.
This is a perplexing development. Usually, the way it works is, conventions come, conventioneers leave us a lump of money, then they go home and tell their neighbors about the splendors of Charleston.
But political conventions are different. For one thing, you have to fix up the arena, which is so new it’s only on its second name. Plus you have to spiff up the town so it looks good on TV, then beef up the riot squad to keep the demonstrators in line.
Money could be a deal breaker. We may not be as big as St. Louis, Cleveland and Minneapolis, but we didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. At its core, this is a business town, and right now business isn’t too good.
So maybe we should withhold the daggers and just wish our rivals well.
New motto: Bless your hearts, Democrats. We couldn’t afford you. Enjoy Cleveland.
Mark Washburn: 704-358-5007; mwashburn@charlotteobserver.com
Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/07/07/1548002/plus-if-we-had-a-river-it-wouldnt.html#ixzz0t6jRn9Tp
Charlotte, NC
Cleveland, OH
Minneapolis, Mn
St. Louis, MS
Old news to those of us that pay attention to this stuff right? Well I went fishing for how the news was being received by those different cities and found this amusing, obnoxious write up from a columnist named Mark Washburn in the Charlotte Observer. The last line sums up the reality of the situation. The rest of it is just a chuckle. I wish I had thought of doing this when the RNC picked Tampa.
Plus, if we had a river, it wouldn’t catch on fire
By Mark Washburn
I know a few of you had the same reaction I did when the Democrats announced Charlotte was a finalist for hosting their 2012 convention.
Which was: Huh?
Then: You’re sure you don’t mean Charleston?
Yes, that’s exactly what they meant.
Simple mistake. Everybody makes it. But then it was too late.
Fortunately, we’re a polite city and will do whatever it takes to charm the selection committee. Our strategy shall be considerate, courteous and altogether Southern.
Meaning, we shall stab the other nominees in the back.
We got a lot to work with. Our rivals are Cleveland, Minneapolis and St. Louis.
We shall start by examining city mottos.
Cleveland: “Odds of snow in August are less than 50-50.”
Minneapolis: “Our glaciers are still retreating.”
St. Louis: “We need the money.”
Charlotte: “You’ve been through our airport.”
So we win that one. Now let’s look at local wildlife themes.
Minneapolis: Gophers.
St. Louis: Clydesdales.
Cleveland: Mutant fish.
Charlotte: Bigfoot.
Slam dunk.
We’re not going to spend much time selling native attractions like the NASCAR Hall of Fame or the Billy Graham Library. Remember, they’re Democrats.
They’re going to be drawn more to Cleveland’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Minneapolis’ ice rinks and St. Louis’ breweries.
We’ll have to focus on climate, which we should win.
Cleveland and Minneapolis, situated as they are in the suburbs of the North Pole, are not cities one is attracted to for their healing vapors. And St. Louis is notorious for its four distinct seasons: hot, steamy, molten and tornado.
We are a paradise year-round, particularly if you’re drawn to the great indoors.
Yes, perhaps we have the occasional warm snap in August, but we shall laugh this off with the observation: “Sometimes in summer it gets so hot here that the topless dancers take off their bottoms.”
It’s OK, I tell you. Remember, they’re Democrats.
There’s always a catch when you’re trying to lure a political convention. In this case, we have to find sponsors to pony up about $45 million.
This is a perplexing development. Usually, the way it works is, conventions come, conventioneers leave us a lump of money, then they go home and tell their neighbors about the splendors of Charleston.
But political conventions are different. For one thing, you have to fix up the arena, which is so new it’s only on its second name. Plus you have to spiff up the town so it looks good on TV, then beef up the riot squad to keep the demonstrators in line.
Money could be a deal breaker. We may not be as big as St. Louis, Cleveland and Minneapolis, but we didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. At its core, this is a business town, and right now business isn’t too good.
So maybe we should withhold the daggers and just wish our rivals well.
New motto: Bless your hearts, Democrats. We couldn’t afford you. Enjoy Cleveland.
Mark Washburn: 704-358-5007; mwashburn@charlotteobserver.com
Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/07/07/1548002/plus-if-we-had-a-river-it-wouldnt.html#ixzz0t6jRn9Tp