me feeling so depressed...
Ever since my computer crashed and I lost everything, I just can't write. My writing is so... mediocre, lackluster... just void of something that gives it flash. I try to get inspired like I did before with good writing, good movies, good music, and it's just not working. I'm just feeling like I'm trying to be the writer I'm trying to be inspired by. I probably shouldn't read anymore Bret Easton Ellis. I want to be the female version of him so bad b/c he's so fantastic and his writing reminds me so much of my own, but by using him as inspiration is retarded. My writing just turns into a cheap knockoff of his... and then where am I? I'm a fucking copy cat with no originality. Fuck that shit. I am taking a class this semester called Developing Prose Style. I signed up for it hoping to find my voice more. I'm trying to find this inner voice that I write with, but as of right now, it's just a whisper. It's not the strong booming voice I need. But as of right now, the class is exactly like my last English class at SJU, where we basically try and knock off essays from this reader. We read a new essay, find it's point, what it's trying to say, and put our own personal anecdote to it. But that's fucking stupid. It's like using another writer's voice to tell your version of THEIR story. AKA no originality execpt the small details of the story, and that's not going to give you any depth as a writer. I feel like maybe the reason why my writing is so bland right now is because I have no great love. Everytime I've written something lengthy that I've loved, I've had a muse via that great love. And right now... I'm transitioning out of one and have nothing to replace it with... Makes it hard to get out of the last one when I have no replacement. Besides the point. I need inspiration. And I don't know where to find it...