(no subject)
had another bad dream last nite......well, i should say an hour before the alarm went off.....but still dark outside so it counts as nite.
anyhow, in my dream we were sleeping and woke up to the noise of someone stepping on some paper or something. i looked out into the living room and saw something like the flash of a digital camera over by the couch....followed by a guy climbing out the window (which in retrospect would be nearly impossible for the average sized human, seeing as theres a big old fishtank right there blocking nearly the whole window).
i screamed and screamed at him, to no avail......and then woke up. couldnt fall back asleep cuz i kept thinking i was hearing things. of course, i woke jonathan up because its nice to have someone to talk to when youve had a bad dream. so i told him about it and im sure he probably wished he were still sleeping peacefully, but he cuddled up to me and prayed for me to be able to fall back asleep with no more bad dreams.....i guess i got the second part of the prayer answered, but never got to fall back asleep.
i just thought of something when i was writing about my dream......alot of times i have dreams where im yelling out to someone, but its like no sound comes out of my mouth....no one hears me. and i think that might be some subliminal idea about how i feel. now, i dont get into this whole voodoo of what dreams mean and all that garbage, i think most of it has to do with eating bad foods and having an over-active mind that refuses to take a break.
but maybe i am onto something here......maybe this recurring pattern of dreaming about inaudibly screaming out to people is something like what im feeling in my life. im pretty sure that alot of people hear what i have to say, especially since my unfortunate series of events on xanga and the jbc blogring. but i definitely dont think that anyone really takes me seriously....with the exception of my loyal friends, of course. people just view me as another radical-minded weirdo trying to push her ideas on the rest of them. they hear an opinion that doesnt match up with their pre-fabricated, sunday-school based, flannel graph ideas and they freak. they hear me alright, because if they didnt hear me they wouldnt jump on my case about things i say. but they dont listen....they dont take into consideration the fact that i have a valid point of view that might be worth thinking about. sure, some people agree with me, but they are the people who already think that way anyhow. its nothing revolutionary for them. but for the ones who let their whole system of thinking be permanently cemented into their minds solely by those around them, with no regard to personal experiences that are supposed to shape us all, ive got to be shut up and shoved into the corner where the bad kids go.
well, ill keep on screaming, figuratively speaking. i wont let them put me in a room and lock me up just because they disagree. the more they fight me, the more i want my ideas to be heard. i didnt get the ideas i have easily, and i dont really think i ought to be expected to give them up easily either. alot of what i think today has been shaped by stuff that happened to me personally, not by what someone in a classroom 10 or 15 years ago told me to think. and if thats how i got to where im at now, thats probably how im going to get to wherever ill be in another 10 or 15 years from now......
anyhow, in my dream we were sleeping and woke up to the noise of someone stepping on some paper or something. i looked out into the living room and saw something like the flash of a digital camera over by the couch....followed by a guy climbing out the window (which in retrospect would be nearly impossible for the average sized human, seeing as theres a big old fishtank right there blocking nearly the whole window).
i screamed and screamed at him, to no avail......and then woke up. couldnt fall back asleep cuz i kept thinking i was hearing things. of course, i woke jonathan up because its nice to have someone to talk to when youve had a bad dream. so i told him about it and im sure he probably wished he were still sleeping peacefully, but he cuddled up to me and prayed for me to be able to fall back asleep with no more bad dreams.....i guess i got the second part of the prayer answered, but never got to fall back asleep.
i just thought of something when i was writing about my dream......alot of times i have dreams where im yelling out to someone, but its like no sound comes out of my mouth....no one hears me. and i think that might be some subliminal idea about how i feel. now, i dont get into this whole voodoo of what dreams mean and all that garbage, i think most of it has to do with eating bad foods and having an over-active mind that refuses to take a break.
but maybe i am onto something here......maybe this recurring pattern of dreaming about inaudibly screaming out to people is something like what im feeling in my life. im pretty sure that alot of people hear what i have to say, especially since my unfortunate series of events on xanga and the jbc blogring. but i definitely dont think that anyone really takes me seriously....with the exception of my loyal friends, of course. people just view me as another radical-minded weirdo trying to push her ideas on the rest of them. they hear an opinion that doesnt match up with their pre-fabricated, sunday-school based, flannel graph ideas and they freak. they hear me alright, because if they didnt hear me they wouldnt jump on my case about things i say. but they dont listen....they dont take into consideration the fact that i have a valid point of view that might be worth thinking about. sure, some people agree with me, but they are the people who already think that way anyhow. its nothing revolutionary for them. but for the ones who let their whole system of thinking be permanently cemented into their minds solely by those around them, with no regard to personal experiences that are supposed to shape us all, ive got to be shut up and shoved into the corner where the bad kids go.
well, ill keep on screaming, figuratively speaking. i wont let them put me in a room and lock me up just because they disagree. the more they fight me, the more i want my ideas to be heard. i didnt get the ideas i have easily, and i dont really think i ought to be expected to give them up easily either. alot of what i think today has been shaped by stuff that happened to me personally, not by what someone in a classroom 10 or 15 years ago told me to think. and if thats how i got to where im at now, thats probably how im going to get to wherever ill be in another 10 or 15 years from now......