damn it all
i lay here in bed...half awake since 7 am. It is now 11:12...fully awake now, i still refuse to get up. My bed has become a sanctuary of sorts for me if you will. So sad to say that the major part of my day is spent in it...sleeping...thinking...dreaming. Today, as I awoke, a deeply disturbing feeling became me...this is not the first time nor do I imagine that it will be the last time I experience it. In anaylyzing it, i came to conclude that this feeling is me simply dreading HAVING to get up for if I'm alseep...then the world seizes to exist...my problems are no longer an issue...my reality becomes that of dreams. Am I depressed? Or am I simply being too much of a coward and wishing...hoping against hope that my life will go back to....(blanks). I never thought I'd be back here again...gazing upon the ugly face of self-despair yet AGAIN!