Weapons of Mass Distraction
I like that you can pick up an anti-war yard sign at the UConn bookstore, free of charge. I think it really sends out the right message: "Yes! I take the moral high ground! I excercize my god-given right as an American to engage in ineffectual sloganeering! At least long as I don't have to pay cash money to do it!"
Now that, Friends and Neighbors, is a political position that I can, and do, endorse heartily. In fact, I am going to leave right now and obtain one of these yard placards so that I, too, can share my deeply felt conviction that killing Iraqi children, particularly cute disabled ones, is Wrong and Bad.
...
Well, I would, but it's cold outside and I'd have to put my shoes on first.
Also, I like that the UConn bookstore is sponsoring a more tasteful and environmentally-friendly anti-war program for those who find the yard-sign campaign a bit too froward: rock piles for peace.
It's a brilliant idea, really. Instead of uglifying your home with a tacky "War is a Bad Idea" sign, or wasting your valuable time writing a letter to your congressman, you can instead erect a small pile of stones in your front yard to register your distaste for the war and the increasingly marketing-driven American political system in general. Two birds with one heap of stones, you see. The real genius of this idea, however, is that no-one but other peace-loving rock pile-ers will have any idea why you have erected what appears to be a stone altar in the midst of your garden gnome collection. Not only will you signal your noble politcal altruism to your right-minded compatriots, but you'll also confirm your insanity to that knavish bunch of jingoistic warmongering flag-wavers that lives across the street. Ha! Take that, you nasty unscrupulous Buick drivers!
This is such a great idea that I would like to propose an entire battery of Non-intuitive Activities for Peace (NAP). To show their support of the anti-war movement, NAPers could engage in as many of the following activites as their level of commitment allows:
Now that, Friends and Neighbors, is a political position that I can, and do, endorse heartily. In fact, I am going to leave right now and obtain one of these yard placards so that I, too, can share my deeply felt conviction that killing Iraqi children, particularly cute disabled ones, is Wrong and Bad.
...
Well, I would, but it's cold outside and I'd have to put my shoes on first.
Also, I like that the UConn bookstore is sponsoring a more tasteful and environmentally-friendly anti-war program for those who find the yard-sign campaign a bit too froward: rock piles for peace.
It's a brilliant idea, really. Instead of uglifying your home with a tacky "War is a Bad Idea" sign, or wasting your valuable time writing a letter to your congressman, you can instead erect a small pile of stones in your front yard to register your distaste for the war and the increasingly marketing-driven American political system in general. Two birds with one heap of stones, you see. The real genius of this idea, however, is that no-one but other peace-loving rock pile-ers will have any idea why you have erected what appears to be a stone altar in the midst of your garden gnome collection. Not only will you signal your noble politcal altruism to your right-minded compatriots, but you'll also confirm your insanity to that knavish bunch of jingoistic warmongering flag-wavers that lives across the street. Ha! Take that, you nasty unscrupulous Buick drivers!
This is such a great idea that I would like to propose an entire battery of Non-intuitive Activities for Peace (NAP). To show their support of the anti-war movement, NAPers could engage in as many of the following activites as their level of commitment allows:
- Refuse to Hire a Graphic Designer for Peace
- Hug a Foreign Convenience Store Clerk for Peace
- Abuse a Telemarketer for Peace
- Pleather Pants for Peace (it's not just a fashion statement anymore!)
- Write Cynical Journal Entries for Peace
- Accumulate Navel-Lint for Peace
- Make Soft Cooing Noises When Riding in Elevators for Peace
- Shameless Acts of Public Indecency for Peace
- Wear T-Shirts Proclaiming Bizarre and Disreputable Special Interest Groups' Antiwar Stance for Peace
e.g.: "The Coalition of Sexually Deviant Civil Engineers and the Society for Creative Anachronism Say 'NO!' to Bombs and 'YES!' to Leotards." - Uninvited Acts of Awkward Self-Disclosure to Strangers for Peace
- Don't Make the Smug Guy's Head Explode for Peace