Building a dream, one robot at a time.
I sometimes have dreams about robots, but they usually involve getting attacked by armies of ruthless-killing-machine-type robots, or being chased around the cotton-candy machine at the county fair by enraged gigolo-type Jude Law look alike robots, both of which cause me to wake up screaming, covered in a cold sweat.
But perhaps I should back up and start by explaining that I like the Honda company.
It's not just because I expect to drive Rhonda the Honda to the grocery store and sometimes to Texas well until past its zillionth mile, or until I can afford a new car in fifteen years or so. Oh no. Let me tell you a story about the American Honda Motor Company...
In the 1970's Honda (along with Toyota and Nissan) introduced to America the then-revolutionary concept that cars didn't have to be behemoth gas-guzzlers that wouldn't live past their fifth birthday. Detroit looked at the geeky new imports, scratched it's head. "Ha!" they laughed. "Ha Ha! Who would want to drive a car that is not only cheap but also reliable and fuel-efficient?" They laughed all the way to near-bankruptcy, and since have never really recovered from the staggering blow dealt them by "imports" in the 1980's.
Then Honda (along with the other Japanese manufacturers and Volkswagon) came up with another silly idea. "What," they said, "if we started making cars that were not only cheap, reliable, and fuel-efficient, but also fun to drive?" Detroit thought that was pretty funny, too. "Who would want to drive a car that's both sporty and sensible?" "Those wacky Japanese!" they would say. "Those performance cars only have 4-cylinder engines!" they would mock, their voices dripping with sarcasm. "I bet they get more than twenty miles to the gallon!" Then, they would point to the coupes' front-wheel drive design; "I bet they're even easy to drive in the snow!" Then, they would roll around on the ground laughing, and muss their expensive suits.
Ford has always been a bit slow on the uptake, but they did, in the end, learn their lesson -- although not without the ghastly Pinto mistakes of the 1970's and the "economical but lame-ass" model on which they sold a lot of Escorts in the 1980's and 90's. They now have a sporty front-wheel drive hatchback that is selling like hot cakes. GM, on the other hand, kept right on making their sports coupe on the "big ugly cars with bigger uglier engines" model until this year, when they figured out that they couldn't make Camaros anymore because no one wants to buy them. Duh.
Then, in the late 1990's, Honda and Toyota came up with another silly new idea. "What," they said, "if we could make cars which were pretty much like normal cars, only used half the gas?" (Volkswagon does this fuel-efficient diesel thing that's pretty cool, too.) Once again, American manufacturers have been slow to recognize the appeal of anything that doesn't fit the big, heavy, and pollusive model.
So I like Honda.
You can imagine how confused I was, though, when on pages 62 and 63 of the December issue of The Atlantic Monthly, between ads for Morgan Stanley and $75 scotch (Atlantic Monthly: toilet reading of the Ivy League set), I found an ad for a Honda product. Not a car; not even an industrial-strength lawn-mower.
No. It was for Honda's latest, most revolutionary technological wonder. ASIMO, the Humanoid Robot. There was the photo of ASIMO, waving mechanically, four feet tall and looking remarkably like a friendly humanoid-robot version of the space shuttle. ASIMO is standing in the midst of some suburban WASP fantasy-land--on the brick-paved walkway in front of a painfully large and treeless suburban home. ASIMO is surrounded by its ur-WASP family: prosperous mom and dad, cute teenage daughter, smiley teenage son in Abercrombie football jersey. There is an overgroomed golden retriever sitting in the foreground. It's as if Tony Soprano's stockbroker neighbor had a mysteriously unexplained helper-robot out onto the front lawn to be a part of the Thanksgiving family photo.
Naturally, this was far too surreal for my overheated brain to handle, so I quickly turned the page to satisfy my unbearable curiosity about the secret health problems of some rich guy that died a long time ago.
But, a few days later, the Velcro Dog called me to bring to my attention what she had found in her copy of the New Yorker (ha! She reads the New Yorker! What a snob!). Apparently, Honda's secret evil plan is to bombard the wealthy with targeted advertising so that when ASIMO is released to US markets, everybody with MAGI above $150K will rush out and buy one.
So I turned back to the ad to see what the big deal with ASIMO is. This is the deal with ASIMO: We're building a dream, one robot at a time.
The dream was simple. Design a robot that, one day, could duplicate the complexities of human motion and actually help people.
An easy task? Hardly. But after more than 15 years of research and development, the result is ASIMO, an advanced robot with unprecedented human-like abilities.
ASIMO walks forward and backward, turns corners, and, amazingly, goes up and down stairs with ease. All with a remarkable sense of strength and balance.
The future of this exciting technology is even more promising. ASIMO has the potential to respond to simple voice commands, recognize faces, carry loads and even push wheeled objects. This means that, one day, ASIMO could be quite useful in some very important tasks. Like assisting the elderly, and even helping with the household chores. In essence, ASIMO might serve as another set of eyes, ears and legs for all kinds of people in need.
All of this represents the steps we're taking to develop products that might make our world a better place. And in ASIMO's case, it's a giant step in the right direction.
As you can imagine, this confused me. The ASIMO web site confirmed the ad copy: The latest version of ASIMO walks more smoothly, more flexibly, and more naturally, and is able to move more freely in ordinary environments, including climbing and descending stairways and slopes. Further, it can receive voice input.
So, evidently, ASIMO has the ability to walk around and follow simple voice commands. (Note that the web site contains no notice of ASIMO's vaunted wheeled-object-pushing capabilities).
What I can't figure out is what the frighteningly happy family pictured in the ASIMO advertisement is doing with an ASIMO, since they already seem to have availed themselves of God's patented GOLDEN RETRIEVER technology. Note that, unlike ASIMO, this revolutionary and environmentally-friendly GOLDEN RETRIEVER technology already has the capability of recognizing faces, following commands, carrying small loads, and, if sufficiently motivated (perhaps with patented DOG BISCUIT accessories), could push or pull a wheeled object.
See, I don't know if Honda is going to be able to beat its competition here. Sure, GOLDEN RETRIEVERs might be more likely to fart or eat your Easter candy than an ASIMO, but, on the other hand, they are low-priced and provide loving companionship for children as well as the aged and infirm (also, unlike that creepy Haley Osmet kid, they die after about 10 years or so). Plus, they come in appealing fur-lined packages, and can be programmed for complex user-defined tasks, such as intruder-biting and retrieving dead birds from the middle of cold bodies of water.
ASIMO, on the other hand, does not appear to have teeth. The web site has no information about whether or not they are water-resistant. Also, as Isaac Asimov told us, even the friendliest humanoid robots sometimes go berserk and go on killing rampages, which would make me uncomfortable.
As for ASIMO's potential future uses as helpers for the elderly and infirm, I am anxiously awaiting reisdent LiveJournal primatologist variegated's report on this new HELPER MONKEY technology I've been hearing so much about:
UPDATE
pendulous writes, I just can't figure out why Honda, a leading manufacturer of automobiles, is teasing us like this. They clearly have the technology to make both a car and a robot. Why aren't they combining the two to create everyone's fantasy:
A car that turns into a robot.
And fights evil.
Of course, consumers will have a bit more incentive to buy evil-fighting robots next month when Ford's new SUV, The Destructobot, rolls off the line.
Each one is programmed to incenerate native flora and steal babies which will be liquified and fed interveniously to Bill Ford as he hybernates in his arctic fortress of terror.
Well, the thing is that Fighting Evil in the form of Bill Ford's congressionally approved army of mechanical DestructoBots is damned difficult when creating a robot that can push wheeled objects takes 15 years of R&D.
I think that they should focus their sights on more reasonable evil-fighting goals, such as marketing a robot that refuses to shave its armpits and goes door-to-door distributing GreenPeace and PETA propaganda ("So you don't have to").
If this works out, perhaps they could come out with a line of low-cost LawyerBots to be public defenders, thus upgrading our existing court system into an unstoppable Justice Machine.
Then, we could gradually replace our elected officials with DemocracyBots, thus phasing out a useless and annoying segment of the population. The DemocracyBots could be connected directly to their constituents via the Internet, thus ushering in a golden age of grassroots democracy.
On second thought, I'm a bit ambivalent about the value of true grassroots democracy, in that what the public is really interested in is a bit disturbing. By google logic, there is about three times more public interest in "sex with animals" than in "grassroots democracy." The potential legislation boggles the mind.
But perhaps I should back up and start by explaining that I like the Honda company.
It's not just because I expect to drive Rhonda the Honda to the grocery store and sometimes to Texas well until past its zillionth mile, or until I can afford a new car in fifteen years or so. Oh no. Let me tell you a story about the American Honda Motor Company...
In the 1970's Honda (along with Toyota and Nissan) introduced to America the then-revolutionary concept that cars didn't have to be behemoth gas-guzzlers that wouldn't live past their fifth birthday. Detroit looked at the geeky new imports, scratched it's head. "Ha!" they laughed. "Ha Ha! Who would want to drive a car that is not only cheap but also reliable and fuel-efficient?" They laughed all the way to near-bankruptcy, and since have never really recovered from the staggering blow dealt them by "imports" in the 1980's.
Then Honda (along with the other Japanese manufacturers and Volkswagon) came up with another silly idea. "What," they said, "if we started making cars that were not only cheap, reliable, and fuel-efficient, but also fun to drive?" Detroit thought that was pretty funny, too. "Who would want to drive a car that's both sporty and sensible?" "Those wacky Japanese!" they would say. "Those performance cars only have 4-cylinder engines!" they would mock, their voices dripping with sarcasm. "I bet they get more than twenty miles to the gallon!" Then, they would point to the coupes' front-wheel drive design; "I bet they're even easy to drive in the snow!" Then, they would roll around on the ground laughing, and muss their expensive suits.
Ford has always been a bit slow on the uptake, but they did, in the end, learn their lesson -- although not without the ghastly Pinto mistakes of the 1970's and the "economical but lame-ass" model on which they sold a lot of Escorts in the 1980's and 90's. They now have a sporty front-wheel drive hatchback that is selling like hot cakes. GM, on the other hand, kept right on making their sports coupe on the "big ugly cars with bigger uglier engines" model until this year, when they figured out that they couldn't make Camaros anymore because no one wants to buy them. Duh.
Then, in the late 1990's, Honda and Toyota came up with another silly new idea. "What," they said, "if we could make cars which were pretty much like normal cars, only used half the gas?" (Volkswagon does this fuel-efficient diesel thing that's pretty cool, too.) Once again, American manufacturers have been slow to recognize the appeal of anything that doesn't fit the big, heavy, and pollusive model.
So I like Honda.
You can imagine how confused I was, though, when on pages 62 and 63 of the December issue of The Atlantic Monthly, between ads for Morgan Stanley and $75 scotch (Atlantic Monthly: toilet reading of the Ivy League set), I found an ad for a Honda product. Not a car; not even an industrial-strength lawn-mower.
No. It was for Honda's latest, most revolutionary technological wonder. ASIMO, the Humanoid Robot. There was the photo of ASIMO, waving mechanically, four feet tall and looking remarkably like a friendly humanoid-robot version of the space shuttle. ASIMO is standing in the midst of some suburban WASP fantasy-land--on the brick-paved walkway in front of a painfully large and treeless suburban home. ASIMO is surrounded by its ur-WASP family: prosperous mom and dad, cute teenage daughter, smiley teenage son in Abercrombie football jersey. There is an overgroomed golden retriever sitting in the foreground. It's as if Tony Soprano's stockbroker neighbor had a mysteriously unexplained helper-robot out onto the front lawn to be a part of the Thanksgiving family photo.
Naturally, this was far too surreal for my overheated brain to handle, so I quickly turned the page to satisfy my unbearable curiosity about the secret health problems of some rich guy that died a long time ago.
But, a few days later, the Velcro Dog called me to bring to my attention what she had found in her copy of the New Yorker (ha! She reads the New Yorker! What a snob!). Apparently, Honda's secret evil plan is to bombard the wealthy with targeted advertising so that when ASIMO is released to US markets, everybody with MAGI above $150K will rush out and buy one.
So I turned back to the ad to see what the big deal with ASIMO is. This is the deal with ASIMO: We're building a dream, one robot at a time.
The dream was simple. Design a robot that, one day, could duplicate the complexities of human motion and actually help people.
An easy task? Hardly. But after more than 15 years of research and development, the result is ASIMO, an advanced robot with unprecedented human-like abilities.
ASIMO walks forward and backward, turns corners, and, amazingly, goes up and down stairs with ease. All with a remarkable sense of strength and balance.
The future of this exciting technology is even more promising. ASIMO has the potential to respond to simple voice commands, recognize faces, carry loads and even push wheeled objects. This means that, one day, ASIMO could be quite useful in some very important tasks. Like assisting the elderly, and even helping with the household chores. In essence, ASIMO might serve as another set of eyes, ears and legs for all kinds of people in need.
All of this represents the steps we're taking to develop products that might make our world a better place. And in ASIMO's case, it's a giant step in the right direction.
As you can imagine, this confused me. The ASIMO web site confirmed the ad copy: The latest version of ASIMO walks more smoothly, more flexibly, and more naturally, and is able to move more freely in ordinary environments, including climbing and descending stairways and slopes. Further, it can receive voice input.
So, evidently, ASIMO has the ability to walk around and follow simple voice commands. (Note that the web site contains no notice of ASIMO's vaunted wheeled-object-pushing capabilities).
What I can't figure out is what the frighteningly happy family pictured in the ASIMO advertisement is doing with an ASIMO, since they already seem to have availed themselves of God's patented GOLDEN RETRIEVER technology. Note that, unlike ASIMO, this revolutionary and environmentally-friendly GOLDEN RETRIEVER technology already has the capability of recognizing faces, following commands, carrying small loads, and, if sufficiently motivated (perhaps with patented DOG BISCUIT accessories), could push or pull a wheeled object.
See, I don't know if Honda is going to be able to beat its competition here. Sure, GOLDEN RETRIEVERs might be more likely to fart or eat your Easter candy than an ASIMO, but, on the other hand, they are low-priced and provide loving companionship for children as well as the aged and infirm (also, unlike that creepy Haley Osmet kid, they die after about 10 years or so). Plus, they come in appealing fur-lined packages, and can be programmed for complex user-defined tasks, such as intruder-biting and retrieving dead birds from the middle of cold bodies of water.
ASIMO, on the other hand, does not appear to have teeth. The web site has no information about whether or not they are water-resistant. Also, as Isaac Asimov told us, even the friendliest humanoid robots sometimes go berserk and go on killing rampages, which would make me uncomfortable.
As for ASIMO's potential future uses as helpers for the elderly and infirm, I am anxiously awaiting reisdent LiveJournal primatologist variegated's report on this new HELPER MONKEY technology I've been hearing so much about:
UPDATE
pendulous writes, I just can't figure out why Honda, a leading manufacturer of automobiles, is teasing us like this. They clearly have the technology to make both a car and a robot. Why aren't they combining the two to create everyone's fantasy:
A car that turns into a robot.
And fights evil.
Of course, consumers will have a bit more incentive to buy evil-fighting robots next month when Ford's new SUV, The Destructobot, rolls off the line.
Each one is programmed to incenerate native flora and steal babies which will be liquified and fed interveniously to Bill Ford as he hybernates in his arctic fortress of terror.
Well, the thing is that Fighting Evil in the form of Bill Ford's congressionally approved army of mechanical DestructoBots is damned difficult when creating a robot that can push wheeled objects takes 15 years of R&D.
I think that they should focus their sights on more reasonable evil-fighting goals, such as marketing a robot that refuses to shave its armpits and goes door-to-door distributing GreenPeace and PETA propaganda ("So you don't have to").
If this works out, perhaps they could come out with a line of low-cost LawyerBots to be public defenders, thus upgrading our existing court system into an unstoppable Justice Machine.
Then, we could gradually replace our elected officials with DemocracyBots, thus phasing out a useless and annoying segment of the population. The DemocracyBots could be connected directly to their constituents via the Internet, thus ushering in a golden age of grassroots democracy.
On second thought, I'm a bit ambivalent about the value of true grassroots democracy, in that what the public is really interested in is a bit disturbing. By google logic, there is about three times more public interest in "sex with animals" than in "grassroots democracy." The potential legislation boggles the mind.