Radio ga-ga
We didn't really need Todd Spencer's Salon article, or this more disturbing article, to tell us that between Clear Channel and the fact that Staind passes for rock-n'roll these days, commercial radio is just plain evil.
College radio, though, still puts that warm feeling in my heart. I've programmed my clock radio to WECS, Eastern Conn. State's station.
I like that, promptly at 9:00 am, the feed from Morning Edition cuts out (frequently in mid-sentence), and we're left with about 5 minutes of dead air before the first local DJ comes on (again, frequently in mid-sentence).
I also like that, in addition to technical incompetence, the DJ's seem to have trouble mastering the complexities of spoken language. I like it that when the DJ stops the music, presumably to back-announce, he actually ends up saying, "uhhhhhhhhh.... WECS .... uhhh," laughs the stupid "huh huh huh" laugh of the perpetually stoned, and then puts on another record. I lie there and happily daydream about how the station director does his job: does he go down to the police station and bail somebody out of the drunk tank in order to take the morning shift? Or maybe Ernie, the narcoleptic janitor, sometimes notices the control booth is unstaffed, and makes heroic attempts to keep the station afloat despite his affliction.
But, what I like best of all, is the completely baffling music programming. It's kind of like they stocked their playlist from the punchout bin at Wal Mart. An actual sampling of the morning's aural pleasures:
UPDATE
October 4th, 2002
I think part of the purpose of college radio is to make you believe that, given the chance, you could do it better than they could. "It's better than clearchannel, but if I were in charge . . ."
--pendulous
See, that's just the thing. College radio is designed to make people like me think that they're the real pop culture hipsters, because whoever programs these things clearly aren't.
If I had my own college radio show--probably in the 4-6 am time slot--I think I'd play "At the Hop" by Danny and the Juniors. I would just play this song over and over, but pretend that I was playing different songs every time, like this:
"90.1 WECS, hey out there everybody in radio land! This is your UberMaus-in-the-Mornin' spinnin' phat stax o' wax here on your Tuesday morning, yeah. That was 'At the Hop.' Now we're going to kick it up a notch, so jump in the way-back machine and get a load of Danny and the Juniors' 1958 classic, 'At the Hop.'"
Of course, no sane person could stand this abuse for more than five minutes or so, which would only prove what a subversive radio bad-ass the UberMaus would be. Hypothetically speaking.
As a side note, to anyone that thinks today's radio is plumbing ever more deeply the wells of popular inanity, I submit to you the lyrics of this classic song, #1 on the charts for seven weeks in 1958:
At the Hop
Bah-bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah-bah
Bah-bah-bah-bah. bah-bah-bah-bah, at the hop!
Well, you can rock it you can roll it
You can stop and you can stroll it at the hop
When the record starts spinnin'
You *calypso* when you chicken at the hop
Do the dance sensation that is sweepin' the nation at the hop
Ah, let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop
Come on, let's go to the hop
Well, you can swing it you can groove it
You can really start to move it at the hop
Where the jockey is the smoothest
And the music is the coolest at the hop
All the cats and chicks can get their kicks at the hop
Let's go!
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop
Come on, let's go to the hop
Let's go!
Well, you can rock it you can roll it
You can stop and you can stroll it at the hop
When the record starts spinnin'
You *calypso* when you chicken at the hop
Do the dance sensation that is sweepin' the nation at the hop
You can swing it you can groove it
You can really start to move it at the hop
Where the jockey is the smoothest
And the music is the coolest at the hop.
All the cats and chicks can get their kicks at the hop.
Let's go!
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop
Come on, let's go to the hop
Bah-bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah-bah
Bah-bah-bah-bah. bah-bah-bah-bah, at the hop!
College radio, though, still puts that warm feeling in my heart. I've programmed my clock radio to WECS, Eastern Conn. State's station.
I like that, promptly at 9:00 am, the feed from Morning Edition cuts out (frequently in mid-sentence), and we're left with about 5 minutes of dead air before the first local DJ comes on (again, frequently in mid-sentence).
I also like that, in addition to technical incompetence, the DJ's seem to have trouble mastering the complexities of spoken language. I like it that when the DJ stops the music, presumably to back-announce, he actually ends up saying, "uhhhhhhhhh.... WECS .... uhhh," laughs the stupid "huh huh huh" laugh of the perpetually stoned, and then puts on another record. I lie there and happily daydream about how the station director does his job: does he go down to the police station and bail somebody out of the drunk tank in order to take the morning shift? Or maybe Ernie, the narcoleptic janitor, sometimes notices the control booth is unstaffed, and makes heroic attempts to keep the station afloat despite his affliction.
But, what I like best of all, is the completely baffling music programming. It's kind of like they stocked their playlist from the punchout bin at Wal Mart. An actual sampling of the morning's aural pleasures:
- A sequence of poorly mixed dance tracks
- A Michelle Branch single
- Morning DJ chatter: actual, unfeigned excitement about the upcoming season premiere of Friends.
- Something or other from a Tool album
- A plunky singing-cowboy-style public service announcement from the USDA: "Didja hear what Smoky said..."
- Something from the Goldmember soundtrack. The DJ thought the part where Mike Meyers says "put that in you blunt and smoke it .... I just said blunt" was so hysterical that we got to hear it at least five times over.
- The University of Wisconsin Marching Band performing "Louie Louie" (badly).
- Several fragments of obscure, but fairly bland, Urbanalia
UPDATE
October 4th, 2002
I think part of the purpose of college radio is to make you believe that, given the chance, you could do it better than they could. "It's better than clearchannel, but if I were in charge . . ."
--pendulous
See, that's just the thing. College radio is designed to make people like me think that they're the real pop culture hipsters, because whoever programs these things clearly aren't.
If I had my own college radio show--probably in the 4-6 am time slot--I think I'd play "At the Hop" by Danny and the Juniors. I would just play this song over and over, but pretend that I was playing different songs every time, like this:
"90.1 WECS, hey out there everybody in radio land! This is your UberMaus-in-the-Mornin' spinnin' phat stax o' wax here on your Tuesday morning, yeah. That was 'At the Hop.' Now we're going to kick it up a notch, so jump in the way-back machine and get a load of Danny and the Juniors' 1958 classic, 'At the Hop.'"
Of course, no sane person could stand this abuse for more than five minutes or so, which would only prove what a subversive radio bad-ass the UberMaus would be. Hypothetically speaking.
As a side note, to anyone that thinks today's radio is plumbing ever more deeply the wells of popular inanity, I submit to you the lyrics of this classic song, #1 on the charts for seven weeks in 1958:
At the Hop
Bah-bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah-bah
Bah-bah-bah-bah. bah-bah-bah-bah, at the hop!
Well, you can rock it you can roll it
You can stop and you can stroll it at the hop
When the record starts spinnin'
You *calypso* when you chicken at the hop
Do the dance sensation that is sweepin' the nation at the hop
Ah, let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop
Come on, let's go to the hop
Well, you can swing it you can groove it
You can really start to move it at the hop
Where the jockey is the smoothest
And the music is the coolest at the hop
All the cats and chicks can get their kicks at the hop
Let's go!
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop
Come on, let's go to the hop
Let's go!
Well, you can rock it you can roll it
You can stop and you can stroll it at the hop
When the record starts spinnin'
You *calypso* when you chicken at the hop
Do the dance sensation that is sweepin' the nation at the hop
You can swing it you can groove it
You can really start to move it at the hop
Where the jockey is the smoothest
And the music is the coolest at the hop.
All the cats and chicks can get their kicks at the hop.
Let's go!
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop, (oh baby)
Let's go to the hop
Come on, let's go to the hop
Bah-bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah-bah
Bah-bah-bah-bah. bah-bah-bah-bah, at the hop!