(no subject)

[ubermaus]

With all due respect to haggisthesecond, I'd like to draw the reader's attention to the following Amazon.com user review: Recent world events, a crumbling stock market, uncertainty for the future. Depression? Worry? Yes and yes. The future looked very bleak indeed. Fortunately all that has changed thanks to Dr. Nishigaki. I first learned of his constriction techniques while volunteering at a local home for the aged called, "Sunshine Acres." I thought that doing volunteer work for those in need would make me feel better about my own dire existence. What I found in the home both shocked and amazed me. Instead of tired and cranky I found the people in the home full of life, dancing the days away in idle splender as they literally waltzed from bridge game to flower arranging to aqua-aerobics. They called themselves (laughing) the "Sunny Side-Ups." Meals were full of dancing and singing followed by a bawdy burlesque show performed by a half dozen octagenarians. I sat speechless as an 86-year old calmly mounted a pommel horse for a few quick spins while two 90-year olds simulatenously demonstrated feats of strength with two steel rods and a bungee cord. Finally it all became too much and I asked their secret. The answer of course was "How to Goodbye Depression" and specifically, anus constriction. After that amazing night I immediately bought the book and have been doing the exercises in ever increasing degree, culminating in a rapid fire pulse of 483 straight constrictions moments before I wrote this review. In fact I just did 10 during that last sentence. My life is better, I am not depressed, nor do I feel the dread of waking up and facing a dead-end job, mounting bills, and the uncertainty of a wasted life. Instead I constrict, constrict and constrict my way to happiness.
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