You read a what??
I'm not normally one for self help books. In fact, most of the time, I detest them. However, every once in a great while, I'll come across one that I like. The other day, while shelving shipment at work, I came across one I actually liked so much that I bought it (love that 20% discount!).
It's a small book, called Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart. It touts itself as thirty true things you need to know now, which almost turned me off immediately. Normally I shy away from any book that tells me it holds things that I absolutely need, cuz that statement is usually wrong, sensationalized to sell more copies. OMG you need this book! Buy it or else!!
However, curiosity got the better of me, and on my way to the personal growth section of our store, I flipped it open. What caught my attention right away is how the book comes at problems more from a psychologist's point of view, and not a "victim's". I say victim, cuz that's how so many self-help authors treat their readers. As poor helpless children who aren't responsible for any of the bad things (and their resulting bad behavior and bad choices) that happen in their lives. What is this 'personal responsibility'? *snort*
Anyhow, they are all important lessons that the author has learned from his patients over the years.
Here are the sections in the book:
1. If the map doesn't agree with the ground, the map is wrong.
2. We are what we do.
3. It is difficult to remove by logic an idea not placed there by logic in the first place.
4. The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas. (<--- THANK YOU. Personal favorite.)
5. Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least. (This one was the one that actually caught my attention, as my dad told me this little bean of wisdom a long time ago.)
6. Feelings follow behavior.
7. Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.
8. The perfect is the enemy of the good.
9. Life's two most important questions are "Why? and "Why not?" The trick is knowing which one to ask.
10. Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses.
11.The most secure prisons are those we construct for ourselves.
12. The problems of the elderly are frequently serious but seldom interesting.
13. Happiness is the ultimate risk.
14. True love is the apple of Eden.
15. Only bad things happen quickly.
16. Not all who wander are lost.
17. Unrequited love is painful but not romantic.
18. There is nothing more pointless, or more common, than doing the same things and expecting different results. (Another personal favorite.)
19. We flee from the truth in vain.
20. It's a poor idea to lie to oneself.
21. We are all prone to the myth of the perfect stranger.
22. Love is never lost, not even in death.
23. Nobody likes to be told what to do.
24. The major advantage of illness is that it provides relief from responsibility.
25. We are afraid of the wrong things.
26. Parents have a limited ability to shape children's behavior, except for the worse.
27. The only real paradises are those we have lost.
28. Of all the forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly therapeutic.
29. Mental health requires freedom of choice.
30. Forgiveness is a form of letting go, but they are not the same thing.
Now, obviously some of these need further explaination, which the author does briefly and honestly, again from a therapist's point of view. And then there are some that seem like they should be common sense. Don't get me started on common sense.
One of the main things I like about this book is that it doesn't promise to solve all your problems in large, overblown sections, with step-by-step instructions and exercises. Rather, the author points out some very common and simple things that people may not realize about their behavior, and then says, "There it is. Here's how I deal with it. Do what you will with it."
My mom didn't really like the book when I showed it to her, and that's when I knew it was a good fit for me. She needs structure, she needs to be told "This is what you need to do to get the results you desire." I can't stand that rigidity, like the author doesn't trust me to "get it" without their help. I've always found that the best breakthroughs are the ones that we are led to discover on our own.
That's how my dad does his counseling, by asking questions to open the person up and then gently point them in a direction to discover for themselves the "whys", and subsequently, the "what nows" of their behavior. It's how I would have practiced had I decided to continue down the same professional course, and it's how the doctor who wrote this book operates as well.
All in all, quite happy with the discovery :)
It's a small book, called Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart. It touts itself as thirty true things you need to know now, which almost turned me off immediately. Normally I shy away from any book that tells me it holds things that I absolutely need, cuz that statement is usually wrong, sensationalized to sell more copies. OMG you need this book! Buy it or else!!
However, curiosity got the better of me, and on my way to the personal growth section of our store, I flipped it open. What caught my attention right away is how the book comes at problems more from a psychologist's point of view, and not a "victim's". I say victim, cuz that's how so many self-help authors treat their readers. As poor helpless children who aren't responsible for any of the bad things (and their resulting bad behavior and bad choices) that happen in their lives. What is this 'personal responsibility'? *snort*
Anyhow, they are all important lessons that the author has learned from his patients over the years.
Here are the sections in the book:
1. If the map doesn't agree with the ground, the map is wrong.
2. We are what we do.
3. It is difficult to remove by logic an idea not placed there by logic in the first place.
4. The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas. (<--- THANK YOU. Personal favorite.)
5. Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least. (This one was the one that actually caught my attention, as my dad told me this little bean of wisdom a long time ago.)
6. Feelings follow behavior.
7. Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.
8. The perfect is the enemy of the good.
9. Life's two most important questions are "Why? and "Why not?" The trick is knowing which one to ask.
10. Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses.
11.The most secure prisons are those we construct for ourselves.
12. The problems of the elderly are frequently serious but seldom interesting.
13. Happiness is the ultimate risk.
14. True love is the apple of Eden.
15. Only bad things happen quickly.
16. Not all who wander are lost.
17. Unrequited love is painful but not romantic.
18. There is nothing more pointless, or more common, than doing the same things and expecting different results. (Another personal favorite.)
19. We flee from the truth in vain.
20. It's a poor idea to lie to oneself.
21. We are all prone to the myth of the perfect stranger.
22. Love is never lost, not even in death.
23. Nobody likes to be told what to do.
24. The major advantage of illness is that it provides relief from responsibility.
25. We are afraid of the wrong things.
26. Parents have a limited ability to shape children's behavior, except for the worse.
27. The only real paradises are those we have lost.
28. Of all the forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly therapeutic.
29. Mental health requires freedom of choice.
30. Forgiveness is a form of letting go, but they are not the same thing.
Now, obviously some of these need further explaination, which the author does briefly and honestly, again from a therapist's point of view. And then there are some that seem like they should be common sense. Don't get me started on common sense.
One of the main things I like about this book is that it doesn't promise to solve all your problems in large, overblown sections, with step-by-step instructions and exercises. Rather, the author points out some very common and simple things that people may not realize about their behavior, and then says, "There it is. Here's how I deal with it. Do what you will with it."
My mom didn't really like the book when I showed it to her, and that's when I knew it was a good fit for me. She needs structure, she needs to be told "This is what you need to do to get the results you desire." I can't stand that rigidity, like the author doesn't trust me to "get it" without their help. I've always found that the best breakthroughs are the ones that we are led to discover on our own.
That's how my dad does his counseling, by asking questions to open the person up and then gently point them in a direction to discover for themselves the "whys", and subsequently, the "what nows" of their behavior. It's how I would have practiced had I decided to continue down the same professional course, and it's how the doctor who wrote this book operates as well.
All in all, quite happy with the discovery :)