The Lost Art of Dry Humping...
When did the act of sexual intercourse become an assumed prerequisite to a date or relationship? Think back to the days when you were a virgin...the days of purity, nervousness, and zipper-chaffed wieners. The good ol' days. An unbridled, sophomoric night of a little "on top of the sweater" action, can be playful, pleasurable, and painless. When in school, they always taught about safe sex (prophylactics, the pill, foam, etc.) or abstinence- as if those were our only two choices in this sexually liberating society that we now call the two thousandties. But what they should really teach is the lost art of Dry Humping. With the act of simulating sex comes less responsibility- no STDs, VD, HIV, or AIDS when DHing. But there are certain rules you must follow in order to not become a casualty of chaffing the gens. Those rules are few, so it should be fairly easy to remember these golden tidbits: (#1) under no circumstance should denim be involved during this hour of power. Zippers and harsh materials are a recipe for disaster, so unless you like the sensation of rubbing one out with a piece of sandpaper soaked in rubbing alcohol- no jeans. (#2) Both parties must be active participants, not only in the idea of the stimulation simulation, but the act itself. The motion, moaning, and making out are still vital ingredients in this orgasm you're trying to cook up. (#3) Resist the Penetration Temptation. The most difficult rule to follow by far, but most important. If, in the moment, clothing starts being ripped off- fine, but it is crucial that your underoos stay put like a fucking chastity belt. If you lose those, it's all over and your efforts for a good Dry Humpin' have been in vain. But as an alternative, there is always a good hand job that will rarely let you down. But then again, sometimes you just have to face the facts that resistance is futile when concerning a well deserved and much needed roll in the hay.
So, treat what I say (about Dry Humping) the way you would treat your sick old granny- with extreme care and a lot of pills. This advice is gold..... or fool's gold, I still can't tell the difference.
Savvy
So, treat what I say (about Dry Humping) the way you would treat your sick old granny- with extreme care and a lot of pills. This advice is gold..... or fool's gold, I still can't tell the difference.
Savvy