Catta and the brain
The thing in my brain tried to eat it's way out again last night. I'm sure one of these days it's going to succeed.
As I left work last night - I could feel the tide of nausea rising - and my vision starting to waver from the pounding inferno in my brain. I had a VERY short window to get home before I became too incapacitated to drive. Making it home, I parked mostly by instinct as tunnel vision had set in. I managed to call Molly_drew and left a message that I wouldn't be making her birthday after all. I hope it was lots of fun, sorry if my message sounded kinda funny.
And then the world fell apart.
A side note: has anyone else ever been told that you should never ever pass out/fall asleep in the shower 'cause you could drown? I think it's one of those urban myths, because I keep trying and damn I always wake up breathing.
So yeah, around midnight I came to, curled up in the bathtub under an icy cold shower of water splashing over me. My nausea held at bay by the chilledness of my body, but my head feeling like a pressure containment system about to fail.
With a super chilled system breaking the nausea cycle - I now had the possibility of maybe keeping food down - keeping food down meant that I could take the little pill with the big attitude and keep it down. Keeping the pill down meant that maybe, just maybe my head wouldn't explode, leaving a sticky mess on the walls.
So food. But not just any food. I need specific things. Greasy Fat, salt, and caffeine.
Cut to earlier in the day.
The warning signs were with me when I woke up. I knew there was a possibility that the thing in my brain was going to make a break. I started right away on procedures to keep the beast at bay. And it worked, or so the tricky creature led me to believe. From lunch time to almost 4:30pm I felt ok, victorious even. I had Molly_Drew's bday card in my purse and directions to her party - I was ok to go - just waiting for 5:30 to roll around. Then the hammer fell.
Historical Insert
I have a long history of headaches - migraines. When I was a teenager, I would get these sometimes as much as three times a week. The doctors were sooooo helpful ... "well, we're not going to do any tests, so we really don't know what's wrong here - but here try these pills. If they don't kill you ....."
Well, they almost killed me - without abating the beast in my head. I think that was when my distrust of 'Western' Medicine started to crystallize. They didn't want to help me, they wanted to push their pill samples on me to see what happened.
So I weaned myself off of the useless pills and began the battle of learning how to fight the beast myself.
Step one: know thy enemy. Over the years, I've become so familiar with the little signs that it is almost impossible for it to sneak up on me. I also know every bump, turn and twist in the road of pain.
Step two: know your weapons. bio-control, cold water, cold air, fatty greasy food, starchy salt, and caffinated sugar. Along with certain pharmaceuticals that I researched and tested myself.
Step three: know when and what fights to pick. It's all about timing - when at this stage, these options and so on.
I have been very successful. I went from three a week to maybe one a year. Not that they didn't try to come, but I stopped them cold.
end Historical Insert
That brings me back to earlier in the day. I'm very paranoid, and even though I felt better, knew I was better, I still took precautions. Better safe than sorry right? Very right! I walked over to Micky Ds and got a bag of fries and some burgers and stuck them in my lunch bag. Greasy fat and starchy salt - I had sugary caffeine at home.
So when I crawled out of the shower, I had the second weapon already primed. For the next 45 minutes, I slowly ate half a hamburger and a handful of fries. Washing them down with little sips of soda. I was freezing as I hadn't dried off from the shower and had turned my a/c to 65. It worked, I kept the food down. Then came the little pill with attitude. I'm not going to say much about this except that they are last resort and possibly not ... uhhh legal. After the pill is swallowed, I have about 30 minutes to get my life in order before I'm out. I'm pretty sure that if my apartment caught on fire, I wouldn't wake up as I burned to death. Yeah not something I take lightly.
So now it's morning, I'm awake - alive and in that weird recovery stage. The beast has been beaten and chained once again, but with cost. I'm very fragile the day after. I feel as though I could shatter if I breath too deeply. The skin on my head is sore to the touch as are my eyes, and stomach muscles. I have woken to dried blood on my face and pillow before - although not this time. A long HOT shower is in order to loosen muscles that have knotted and then I need to eat and feed the caffeine need. I'm still very vulnerable at this stage and need to be careful the next couple of days or else it will all start again.
End of long boring ramble.
As I left work last night - I could feel the tide of nausea rising - and my vision starting to waver from the pounding inferno in my brain. I had a VERY short window to get home before I became too incapacitated to drive. Making it home, I parked mostly by instinct as tunnel vision had set in. I managed to call Molly_drew and left a message that I wouldn't be making her birthday after all. I hope it was lots of fun, sorry if my message sounded kinda funny.
And then the world fell apart.
A side note: has anyone else ever been told that you should never ever pass out/fall asleep in the shower 'cause you could drown? I think it's one of those urban myths, because I keep trying and damn I always wake up breathing.
So yeah, around midnight I came to, curled up in the bathtub under an icy cold shower of water splashing over me. My nausea held at bay by the chilledness of my body, but my head feeling like a pressure containment system about to fail.
With a super chilled system breaking the nausea cycle - I now had the possibility of maybe keeping food down - keeping food down meant that I could take the little pill with the big attitude and keep it down. Keeping the pill down meant that maybe, just maybe my head wouldn't explode, leaving a sticky mess on the walls.
So food. But not just any food. I need specific things. Greasy Fat, salt, and caffeine.
Cut to earlier in the day.
The warning signs were with me when I woke up. I knew there was a possibility that the thing in my brain was going to make a break. I started right away on procedures to keep the beast at bay. And it worked, or so the tricky creature led me to believe. From lunch time to almost 4:30pm I felt ok, victorious even. I had Molly_Drew's bday card in my purse and directions to her party - I was ok to go - just waiting for 5:30 to roll around. Then the hammer fell.
Historical Insert
I have a long history of headaches - migraines. When I was a teenager, I would get these sometimes as much as three times a week. The doctors were sooooo helpful ... "well, we're not going to do any tests, so we really don't know what's wrong here - but here try these pills. If they don't kill you ....."
Well, they almost killed me - without abating the beast in my head. I think that was when my distrust of 'Western' Medicine started to crystallize. They didn't want to help me, they wanted to push their pill samples on me to see what happened.
So I weaned myself off of the useless pills and began the battle of learning how to fight the beast myself.
Step one: know thy enemy. Over the years, I've become so familiar with the little signs that it is almost impossible for it to sneak up on me. I also know every bump, turn and twist in the road of pain.
Step two: know your weapons. bio-control, cold water, cold air, fatty greasy food, starchy salt, and caffinated sugar. Along with certain pharmaceuticals that I researched and tested myself.
Step three: know when and what fights to pick. It's all about timing - when at this stage, these options and so on.
I have been very successful. I went from three a week to maybe one a year. Not that they didn't try to come, but I stopped them cold.
end Historical Insert
That brings me back to earlier in the day. I'm very paranoid, and even though I felt better, knew I was better, I still took precautions. Better safe than sorry right? Very right! I walked over to Micky Ds and got a bag of fries and some burgers and stuck them in my lunch bag. Greasy fat and starchy salt - I had sugary caffeine at home.
So when I crawled out of the shower, I had the second weapon already primed. For the next 45 minutes, I slowly ate half a hamburger and a handful of fries. Washing them down with little sips of soda. I was freezing as I hadn't dried off from the shower and had turned my a/c to 65. It worked, I kept the food down. Then came the little pill with attitude. I'm not going to say much about this except that they are last resort and possibly not ... uhhh legal. After the pill is swallowed, I have about 30 minutes to get my life in order before I'm out. I'm pretty sure that if my apartment caught on fire, I wouldn't wake up as I burned to death. Yeah not something I take lightly.
So now it's morning, I'm awake - alive and in that weird recovery stage. The beast has been beaten and chained once again, but with cost. I'm very fragile the day after. I feel as though I could shatter if I breath too deeply. The skin on my head is sore to the touch as are my eyes, and stomach muscles. I have woken to dried blood on my face and pillow before - although not this time. A long HOT shower is in order to loosen muscles that have knotted and then I need to eat and feed the caffeine need. I'm still very vulnerable at this stage and need to be careful the next couple of days or else it will all start again.
End of long boring ramble.