ОЧЕРЕДНОЙ СКАНДАЛ В ИНТЕГРАЛЬНОМ СЕМЕЙСТВЕ.

[lhardjes]

На днях начал разгораться очередной скандал с лидерами. На этот раз он связан с Доном Беком. Поводом для его начала послужило следующее послание:

Don Beck is truly an amazing genius - he has touches lives, shifts values and impacts nations. His awareness, perception and focus... as well as his desire to make a difference is profound. When I connected with him, I was thrilled, blown away by his sweetness, and truly touched by his attention, his promises to guide my consultancy profession, reach out into becoming a global leader with my Integral Theory Masters and help me network with leaders like Tony Blair and Bill Clinton. I was my audacious flirty happy self... that I am lusciously with select people. I didn't realise I was unconsciously being primed for a power game. Where if I gave him what he wanted, I would be in his favour and sparkle in his genius and join a select few that he would empower with his teachings and contacts. He also said if I ever publicly mentioned anything he would never work with me again and he would show how I actually wanted the relationship and harassed him (Do I cringe at my own delicious emails now that were too bubbly, too desperately wanting a connection with this mentor who was promising the world, and passing the torch to me?? YES! Very much... and I now know that that's all the path of the sexual harassment game... To cause guilt, shame, and embarrassment so that you don't speak out!).

He finally admitted to me after months of control, insults, blame, justifications, threats, and power games that he has got a problem (tho he wont' name it as sexual harassment and doesn't feel it is an addiction), and that he should have got treatment for it years ago. Like most abusers they are in denial that they have a problem, and feel that they are entitled to their desires and feelings (for instance he wrote "I have a right to express my earthly desires."). If only he had let me know when I asked him directly. Yet obviously he couldn't because he is so cut off from the reality of his behaviour. He did 3 times say: "Maybe I am in denial." And even went on to agree that there's a disconnection between his body and mind. Though on another hand he knows what he's doing - because he always does it privately where no one else can see and then plays "it's my word against yours."

Even just playing the game of "Okay Don, lets pretend you putting your hands down my pants, and rubbing your penis against me never happened. Lets JUST talk about how to speak to me, try to shut up my experience, silence my intuition, treat me, and control me." Wouldn't matter. 'Cos ultimately we all know sexual harassment is about POWER. Looking at research - while there used to little on the background of harassers (Pryor, 1987) - theories have began to emerge. Don fits what they say of being a protector (he said he wanted to be like a god father to my children), sees women as inferior (treated me like a slave with no needs of my own, and called me selfish if I couldn't do things for him and put me first), prefers women in traditional roles (when I spoke of my own work, he would blank out or excuse why he wasn't interested), possessiveness (he said he wouldn't like it ever for me to be in a relationship as he wouldn't know what he'd do with himself - yet I had insisted that I would never be in a relationship with him!). It's easy to understand with Integral theory the pathology- we all have different lines of development - some more developed than others. His cognitive line and career line are amazingly strong and profound. Though his psycho-sexual line and emotional/relationship line are underdeveloped or not healthy. I obviously also have issues- otherwise I wouldn't be the mirror in all of this to reflect. I need great support cognitively and career wise; while I'm healthy (some days!!!) in the relationship line, on the emotional line I'm gloriously feminine! and the Sexual line I love to fully my experience with the right people who cherish my soul!

Now - being touched or his penis rubbing against me in one thing. It's a moment that passes. What I am challenged by it the lack of respect and loving honour of me. I felt objectified and dirty. I have sexual relationships with VERY few people. One in the last year in a half (and that was an ex I'd known since a teenager). Being touched was not what upset me deeply (in fact it was rather humourous if I'm honest - it felt like a little teenage boy who didn't know what to do). The issue for me - was being silenced. I'm authentic, I share openly. If I spoke out - he would cut ties, and I would not have a path forward. I was scared on the implications, being judged, being cut off, being known as "that woman,"being told it's my fault and I deserve it because of my teachings around orgasm and waking up to deeper loving. The issue was also the double standard. Once I put myself down to him saying that I was a small fish and so grateful that he was willing to spend time doing an interview with me and he told me he never wanted to hear me speak like that again. Yet frequently he would insult me to shut me up (calling me childish and juvenile for getting upset by his rudeness and humiliation rather than him practicing the empathy that he teaches!). I honestly have issues with my self esteem not my sexuality - so him crushing my spirit broke me -I'm sad t say. And yet, I didn't want anyone to know this about him. I wanted to protect him so he could continue working as he needs the money and is near retirement. To sit with this heavy weight and being threatened by him that he'd send lawyers letters to silence me and stop me confronting him completely devastated my life.

Many women (20 known) over the last few years have been sexually harassed by SDi leader Don Beck. Most have never come forward, and how many have never said anything to anyone? Never has he been taken to court, and never has he faced any consequences of his actions. When I did confront him - feeling the energy of sexual harassment and asked him directly: "have you ever sexually harassed anyone before?" He lied and said he was insulted that I would even ask. He continually made excuses of why he coudn't talk and would turn on me and insult me when I confronted him. When I set boundaries around how I wanted to be treated - he said he was totally disgusted that I would ever think things like that of him that of him as is a good man, and I was obviously the one with issues as I speak about orgasms! My openness around sexuality obviously causes huge internal conflict within him. As everyone sees - I'm rather open, and share my thoughts on how important I think orgasms are, and how I'm committed to making a difference in the world in shifting from penetrative power issues and abuse into respect, pleasure and passion (as well as finding greater ways to impact abuse and harassment worldwide). I find it weirdly amazing and beautiful in a way to have experienced this severe agony and cut off from the world as it gifts me first hand experience of the complexities and how it rips into life. I pushed away my friends and family so as to not expose Don (it hurts!). I care for him, and feel he has such a lot to live for and give for. Also I didn't want to bring the name of "Integral" down, having studied it for three years. So I was truly in a victim space - voiceless, powerless and friendless. I cried for 3 days reading about those that Marc Gafni denied sexually harassing, and felt sick to the pit of my being how people have enabled him ton continue teaching about Love rather than help him get treatment. As we all know people apologise to move on and look good; then retract it causing those to be violated again (as if once wasn't enough). What would be more powerful and a leader is to get treatment and heal those that were hurt. To stand strong in masculine energy, and become a force for Integrity.

It took my Director to establish properly what was going on, as to why my finals were not coming in. So I wrote a process paper on my experience and he let me know that I wasn't alone. Suddenly feeling validated, I felt so enraged that I allowed myself to be sucked in, and spat out without regard. Paulo Coelho was the first person I told. I emailed him and said: "I don't want another mentor who won't work with me unless I have sex with him." Paulo was a sweet heart - he said: "See me as a human being. I am sweet and sour. I am strong and weak. I am masculine and feminine." I felt so relieved to know other people who did not have a controlled conditional relationship. That Paulo would respect me, and that it was a mutual friendship - rather than a Power game, where I had to pay for his wisdom with my body and emotions. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have stepped in to offer myself as a volunteer to go through this so it would be brought to light? How could I have betrayed myself? I'd held this all in for months and lived with this mental torture, trying to figure out how to have integrity, and act with dignity and grace. Was it my fault that I'm flirty? What do I need to learn from it? I have come to see how I sacrifice myself to stop abuse and to make a difference. I don't want to be a volunteer for abuse ever again!

After my rage, I didn't know who to talk to, or waht to do with it. My director hadn't named who had told him about the 20 peopel, and wasn't forthcoming. He shared that as Don was not working for the University there was nothing that they could do. He wished me well on finding me way. It felt like I was dumped in the desert alone. Not knowing anyone well enough in the Integral World to ask. So I went into what I do best: causing a miracle. I prayed. And prayed. I began to see flashes of a man who's face I'd seen in a video: Bert Parlee. I had never spoken to him before or met him. I tracked him down and he spoke with me. He was a rare and true friend, an absolute gift. Truly amazing that he had been one of the people in the intervention previously. He listened, and laughed, and helped me find options beyond my desire to hide and say nothing. He held a beautiful space for me to come out of a scared third order place, and find a fourth order stepping stone into dignity and finding my voice.

Two of us have had intervention and mediation with him. He promised in the 2005 intervention that he would never do it again. Sadly it has happened. How many people? We don't know! Though people don't want to come forward, or be named in court because of the professional implications. Unfortunately words of warning about his pathology from the US and to be cautious and keep a safe distance from him did not reach the UK. I don't know where else in the world he's touched and controlled???!!!!

It's a hard situation - because no one wants his work, words and wisdom to die....Ultimately I stepped into the fire, and working out what to do and say and how to share this (if at all) has been hard. Bert Parlee (who mediated with Marilyn Hamilton present too) emailed that ultimately it's my burden... and whatever I do will be right an all the choices have integrity. For me, it's essential to ensure that other woman are not hurt by his problem. Don Beck is a good man - he just simply has this unmet need/pathology within him. Through my speaking out, and contacting others there has been a push for him to get treatment. So - if he's getting treatment, why am I writing this? Firstly, as I met him on Facebook - I guess I should also use Facebook to warn others like me who get excited to be able to reach out and form a friendship with such a pioneer of Integral Philosophy that getting close to him may result in a power game.

Secondly, In my mediation he denied everything. And shared that I had no integrity to speak out when he had insisted I had a confidentiality agreement with him that all he Skyped to me, emailed me, did and said to me would be completely confidential.

Thirdly, as he takes no responsibility for his actions and the impact that they cause I realise that he could easily slip through peoples fingers as he has done before and impact other peoples lives. He denies all the impact and says that its written simply by people who want to make money - which can be sen here:

http://sexualharassmentsupport.org/effects.html I had every one of these - I still haven't finished my masters - I'm trying to write about his wisdom, and the incongruence between his words and actions causes complete waves of upset and shut down. I never want anyone else to go through what I have with him over the last few months.

Fourthly, in mediation he requested I never contact him again, and never bring this up with him. So I have no way of ensuring that he is healed and that he won't do this again. So I need to simply inform other woman so that they can protect themselves.

Fifthly, having communicated with the mediators, we've come to see that its difficult for Don to face this and he is in no space for real collaboration... So without the connection and working together I have to find another way.

I wanted to move from being a victim into being a creator- and use this situation to make a difference... It started with my requests from the mediation:
1. He apologise (he had previously - though it felt like he was saying it to get out of mediation and taking any responsibility).

2. He admit publicly fault in mediation and apologise to the people this pathology rippled into caused hurt. He refuses saying I am the one at fault.

3. He pay for expenses - I had 3 car crashes in two months. Went to a therapist (as he threatened to let everyone know that I was a scumbag, had no integrity, and was not someone who could be trusted if I ever shared with anyone what he's said and done so I had to find someone privately). And for the masses of childcare that I paid out for - in trying to find my barring.

4. He pay the mediators for their time. They are such sweet people, who have been generous with their support.

5. Together we set up an Integral Healing program and foundation for all those in the Integral world who have been affected by this.

He refused it all - and simply felt I was being a selfish, money grabbing person with no integrity.

SO...

Please, ladies - be warned... Don Beck is not aware of the affects of his pathology and denies all impact.... so take precautions:

* Do not ever be alone in a room with him.

* Ensure that you share all communication with others so you are not duped into a private confidential contract where he can take advantage of you.

* If any woman is going to a Spiral Dynamics event - ensure that she is aware of his challenge, and unable to control himself, his emotions (which could also be attributed his diabetes) and is not in touch with what his body does. Don't miss out on his work and wisdom because of this - hes a great man, and has made a profound difference on earth.

* If anyone you know has been impacted by him let them know they can celebrate that he's finally getting treatment.

* If you know he is working somewhere publicly with other woman please share this with them so they will not be harassed.

* I wouldn't challenge Don - right now, he needs the time, the energy and the focus to go into healing... and that requires space. If in time I hear from the grape vine that it's still happening, then maybe he does require stronger action. By then maybe I'll know about courts and their impact. Tho he's a good man, and I don't want him to have to go through all of that.

* If you have him coming into your Integral group to speak, please be aware and let others know around the world that he works with.

And finally, Send him love, support and kindness. It must be amazingly hard to get to this point in his life and have to face this. Thank you.

I do not want your sympathy. I knew very clearly before I even reached out to him that there was dark seedy energy. I was told intuitively that is would be hard. I believed I had the strength... and I was also curious to see what that energy was, and to learn how to Master it. I failed. I didn't learn how to break through denial... tho I did make a difference - he's in treatment. And while he doesn't feel grateful and hates me, I can work way feeling proud and in integrity. I handled myself beautifully in the messy chaos through entering something that would be one of the hardest situations in my life. Even tho I powerfully and dramatically hurt friends to push them away - I also attracted amazing mentors and friends that are remarkable. As I played a bigger game, I found a greater network. I am truly grateful... And now maybe with this written - I can finish my masters. Say goodbye to Integral Theory. And start my new business creating massive prosperity shifts in the lives of those I love :-) Yes!

Know this: I volunteered myself. And if anything - I've learnt through this to trust myself, that dark energy forces do mean DARK!!! (really!!!), to speak out, and to look after myself... and that I no longer choose to put myself into situations as a sacrificial lamb to remove evil! So - please trust yourself. Don't be a victim! Mwah! It does help me to see the impact that my words can have - that the stronger my delivery about orgasm, the greater pathology may come in... It shows me the areas I need to improve... and how I need to create a strong protective support around me who are healthy, and can hold me through crisis (cos I didn't have that at first through this). So what now? I sharing this to put it behind me, and to make sure it doesn't become something in front of others. And I'm off out of the Integral World - and into an exploration of Prosperity consciousness....A far cry from intellectual theory... and into embodied action mentoring others to create businesses from home

I truly don't want your sympathy - cos it makes me feel like a vicitm. I truly made the conscious choice to step in. I chose it t become stronger. And to serve in somethng that I didn't yet know... I'm coming to see this. You know - we all have a Don Beck inside of us. We all have a Natalie Lamb. We all have a woman that stayed silent. We all had a Paulo Coelho who loves women and doesn't force himself on them. We all are compassion, and we all are the rage.

Don Beck, you reading this and me all have repressed shadows, and things we hide that we're embarassed about. Most of us have skeletons. For example, Paulo Coelho's biography just came out - he's often shared his concern about that level of transparency yet realises that it's much better to live authentically, that to die with it rotting in your soul. He treated someone like a slave, had affairs, hurt his girlfriends, was a crazy man, lied a lot ... endless opportuniies for self and other-hatred. ... Read more

So rather than hate Don Beck, lets all work towards integrating the stuff in our own mess. We learn through our own reflections, and loving how to truly connect with others because we have that deep relationship with ouselves. If we each can own what is in our consciousness, have more integrity, take more responsibility for our actions than that will impact the Kosmos. As we shift and become more allowing and healthy - that awareness will ripple into others' lives.

Will we stop the abuse, harassment, power games over ourselves and begin to play, lighten up, embrace and own the cut off disowned parts of ourselves?

Will we move into a deeper communion and deliciousness within ouselves were we celebrate al aspects of our soul and explore he fullness of our potential to give value and open creativity into the greatest Love we can? ... Read more

Will we boldy stand up for ourselves in our own unqiue expression and audaciously stake a stand for beauty, goodness and truth?