Газетное.Знай наших местных!Учу English перлы..
Обзор Дэйли в субботу Daly Mail,Sat,Sept 4,2010 принес мне сегодня несколько хороших минут.Отложим серьёзное в сторону-на стр 21 о возможности замены второго пилота в кабине самолетов Раянар компьютером или специально обученными делать аварийную посадку стюардессами;на развороте 22-23 хорошая статья Liz Jones My quest to eat,pray,love.По мотивам фильма года с Джулией Робертс в роли Лиз Джилберт.Деловая женщина после развода из Нью Уорка,Америка, отправляется в путешествие в Италию, Индию и на Бали. Лиз Джонс по поручению газеты Дэйли Мэил повторяет путешествие и делится впечатлениями..Еще есть пара моментов, привлекших мое внимание. Но подробнее хочу остановиться на следующем.
В связи с началом нового учебного года подборка перлов из старого.Шедевры ,произнесенные и написанные учениками,были собраны в новой книге Could do better автора Norman McGreevy`s.
Далее все будет на английском, дабы сохранить прелесть оригинала..
And that's a fakt..
Trigonometry is when a lady marries three men at the same time.
Caviar is the eggs of a surgeon.
Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
The feminine of manager is managerie.
The plural of spouse is spice.
Q:In a democratic society,how important are elections?
A:Very important.Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
A monologue is a conversation between two people,such as husband and wife.
Celibacy is a disease of the brain.
When father passed away they burned his ashes and brought them home in a urinal.
A momentum is what you give a person when they are leaving.
The future of "I give" is "you take".
A millenium is something like a centennial only it has more legs.
The embaimed body of an Egyptian is called a dummy.
Religious education..
You must love you neighbour even if you hate him.
The greatest miracle was when Joseph told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
If David had one fault it was a slight tendency to adultery.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.Saddam and Gomorrah were twins.
The first fives books of the Bible are Genesis, Exodus, Laxatives, Deuteronomy and Numbers.
The first book in the Bible is Guinessis.
Jesus enunciated the golden rule which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
A martyr is something like a bachelor.
The Great Flood was sent because of the large numders of dirty people.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.He built an ark,which the animals came onto in pears.
History for beginners..
William the Conqueror landed in 1066 AD and AD means after dark.
Joan of Arc won her battle because the enemy's wind came across to her.As soon as than happened she knew God was on her side.
Roman women built fires in their brassieres.
In the Middle Ages King Alfred conquered the Dames.
Lady Macbeth tried to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood.
The two major religions of Ireland are Canholic and Prostitute.
Henry the Seventh passed a law saying that no man must have a liver.
John Calvin Clein translated the Bible into American so people of Geneva could read it.
Florence Nightingale never dot any sleep for three years because she was continually being needed by soldiers.
China has always followed Confussion as a religion.
Marie Curie won the Noel prize for inventing the radiator.
Queen Victoria was the longest queen.She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
Theories on science..
Q:What in the most common form of contraception?
A:Most people wear a condominium.
A skeleton is a man with his inside out and his outside off.
A vacuum is an empty space where the Pope lives.
Algebraical symbols are those used when you do not know what you are talking about.
Talk is found on rocks and on babies.
An elephant is a square animal with a tail in front and behind.
Q:Name the for seasons.
A:Salt,pepper,mustard and vinegar.
Marie Curie did her research an the Sore Buns Institute in France.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
I am not sure how clouds get formed.But the clouds know how to do it,and that is the important thing.
В связи с началом нового учебного года подборка перлов из старого.Шедевры ,произнесенные и написанные учениками,были собраны в новой книге Could do better автора Norman McGreevy`s.
Далее все будет на английском, дабы сохранить прелесть оригинала..
And that's a fakt..
Trigonometry is when a lady marries three men at the same time.
Caviar is the eggs of a surgeon.
Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
The feminine of manager is managerie.
The plural of spouse is spice.
Q:In a democratic society,how important are elections?
A:Very important.Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
A monologue is a conversation between two people,such as husband and wife.
Celibacy is a disease of the brain.
When father passed away they burned his ashes and brought them home in a urinal.
A momentum is what you give a person when they are leaving.
The future of "I give" is "you take".
A millenium is something like a centennial only it has more legs.
The embaimed body of an Egyptian is called a dummy.
Religious education..
You must love you neighbour even if you hate him.
The greatest miracle was when Joseph told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
If David had one fault it was a slight tendency to adultery.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.Saddam and Gomorrah were twins.
The first fives books of the Bible are Genesis, Exodus, Laxatives, Deuteronomy and Numbers.
The first book in the Bible is Guinessis.
Jesus enunciated the golden rule which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
A martyr is something like a bachelor.
The Great Flood was sent because of the large numders of dirty people.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.He built an ark,which the animals came onto in pears.
History for beginners..
William the Conqueror landed in 1066 AD and AD means after dark.
Joan of Arc won her battle because the enemy's wind came across to her.As soon as than happened she knew God was on her side.
Roman women built fires in their brassieres.
In the Middle Ages King Alfred conquered the Dames.
Lady Macbeth tried to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood.
The two major religions of Ireland are Canholic and Prostitute.
Henry the Seventh passed a law saying that no man must have a liver.
John Calvin Clein translated the Bible into American so people of Geneva could read it.
Florence Nightingale never dot any sleep for three years because she was continually being needed by soldiers.
China has always followed Confussion as a religion.
Marie Curie won the Noel prize for inventing the radiator.
Queen Victoria was the longest queen.She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
Theories on science..
Q:What in the most common form of contraception?
A:Most people wear a condominium.
A skeleton is a man with his inside out and his outside off.
A vacuum is an empty space where the Pope lives.
Algebraical symbols are those used when you do not know what you are talking about.
Talk is found on rocks and on babies.
An elephant is a square animal with a tail in front and behind.
Q:Name the for seasons.
A:Salt,pepper,mustard and vinegar.
Marie Curie did her research an the Sore Buns Institute in France.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
I am not sure how clouds get formed.But the clouds know how to do it,and that is the important thing.