The Last Days of Magic and Glory Chapter #9
In this part, Loki and Thor make plans, Sif relates the palace rumors, and Frigga has a secret
Chapter 9: Secrets
It had taken Thor a long time to fall back to sleep the previous night. At first he simply enjoyed the soft rise and fall of his brother’s chest, the way he looked so peaceful, almost angelic, in sleep, and the sweet herbal smell that seemed to have seeped into Loki’s skin from years of potions and spellcasting. But then Thor started thinking, remembering all that had happened the past eleven moons and trying to reconcile those events with the fact that the horse had been his brother all along.
The first, most astounding thing was that as a horse, Loki had allowed Thor to ride him. While Thor had no problem slinging his brother over his back and simply walking off with him, Loki had always insisted that such behavior was not regal. Loki himself was no prone to physical affection and always carried himself with a kind of aloof dignity that suggested that he would bow to no one, or if he were made to bow, he would make the act so troublesome that anyone dumb enough to try to force it would regret the impulse.
Thor could hardly believe that Loki had willingly taken him onto his back. But then again, the horse had always made it clear that Thor rode according to her will and not because Thor himself had any right to demand it. Still, Thor imagined that Loki must have been very desperate for his company to even submit to that much indignity. Loki must have been quite lonely.
The horse had on many occasions shared Loki’s dry sense of humor, propensity for pranks, and disdain for Thor’s more ill-advised actions. Her interactions with Thor when he did something stupid were exactly the same as Loki when he was human.
Furthermore, Thor had no problems understanding Loki’s more protective actions as a horse. Saving Thor from himself had long been a pastime of Loki’s. In battle Thor was an unstoppable force without parallel, but whenever he took a turn for a strategic dead end, Loki was quick to stop him. And now that Thor knew exactly how horrible he was at politics, he realized how much his brother had always covered for him - talking with the older delegates and leaving Thor with the princes or princesses or finding an irresistible adventure for Thor whenever a particularly difficult political matter arrived at court. Loki never protected Thor from their parents and in fact allowed Thor to take the blame for ideas that often originated with Loki, but he had effectively been shielding him from the outside world for years.
Thor had always thought that introducing him to the horse was Loki’s way of showing Thor the magic of the universe as he saw it and knowing that the horse had been Loki all along only intensified Thor’s feelings of humble gratitude that his brother would include him in his world that way. In a way, it made him feel closer to Loki than he had since childhood while at the same time making his heart ache that Loki did not feel that he could be this sweet magical creature when in his true form.
In fact, Thor found himself anxious about what Loki would do now that words and politics were available to him again. Thor had loved him as a horse and felt a soul-deep bond to him. Loki had been more open than Thor had ever seen him and Thor feared that now Loki no longer needed Thor’s companionship, they would lose the closeness they had cultivated this year. Thor found himself more scared by the prospect than he had been scared of anything in a long time.
With the horse, there had been tricks, and magic, and sweetness, but no lies. Thor didn’t think he could take it if Loki started lying to him again. It would break his heart.
And there was the matter of the throne. Odin had declared Thor his heir-apparent and Thor had begun to have second thoughts on the matter. Loki had never proclaimed to want the throne, but he’d never expressed any confidence that Thor should have it either. And Loki had always be prideful. He probably wanted to be offered the throne and then to turn it down. And if his motivations for staying away had been due to pregnancy and not running away from his princely duties, it was not at all clear what Loki wanted from the situation and with Thor so confused as to his own desires, he had no idea what would happen to the royal succession - only that it would be a painful series of events for all involved.
Despite all his worries, the even rhythm of Loki’s breathing and the soft snuffles of the foal eventually lulled Thor into a fitful sleep. He dreamed of the white horse running through a citadel of ice with Thor chasing behind her. There were frost giants and great serpents and other monsters, but Thor ignored them all, chasing the horse until a blizzard swallowed her whole. Thor called out for Loki and then they were on the rainbow bridge, locked in battle with the stars that Thor loved so much all around them, seeming to jeer. There was a desperate, malevolent glint in Loki’s eyes that Thor had never seen before. And then the hammer dropped, cracking the clear surface of the rainbow bridge like ice. They both stared down at it and then Loki smiled a terrible smile that took pleasure in suffering and leaned forward, leaving Thor with a knife in his gut and a kiss as he jumped off the bridge and into the infinite wonder of the universe.
Thor woke in a panic, looking for Loki and finding only the mess of blankets wrapped around him. Neither Loki nor the foal slept next to him. Dawn had long since crept into morning and after a moment of panicked disorientation, Thor spotted them in a far corner of the pasture - the horse and her eight-legged foal.
Thor jumped out of the nest of blankets and rushed over to them. The horse was grazing while the foal suckled. Both ignored Thor’s approach.
“Loki,” Thor exclaimed. “You are a horse again.”
The horse didn’t look at him, but rather turned her head to nuzzle at her foal.
“Loki,” Thor whispered harshly, noting the approach of the head stable hand. Had he imagined that the horse transformed into his brother? Surely it could not have been a dream, considering how long he spent watching his brother sleep the night before. The memory was too sharp.
He poked the horse. “I saw you last night, brother. There is no need to hide.”
“Prince Thor,” the stable hand bellowed. “It is good to see you finally arisen.” He made to pat the horse, but she turned her head away. “Don’t worry, a mare can be protective of her newborn foal. She’ll sweeten to you again soon. A lot of people are waiting at the gate, wanting to see the eight-legged foal, but I thought you would not appreciate a crowd in here watching you sleep.”
“Thank you, good man,” Thor replied, “but I’m afraid I must ask not to let them in at all.” Thor was certain that Loki would not appreciate gawkers looking at his child with painful curiosity. He was even more certain that Loki would hate more people seeing him in his horse form.
The stable hand looked as though he might ask Thor why he didn’t want others to see, but seemed to remember himself. Thor was the crowned prince and only the king and queen could override his orders in the royal stables.
Once the stable hand had departed, Thor poked the horse again. “Loki, he’s gone now. You can transform.”
The horse took her sweet time finishing her mouthful of grass before casually ambling to the gate of the pasture. Thor opened it for her and the foal, following along beside them on the path into the woods. The foal was able to keep up with its mother’s slow gate, though they stopped twice in order to allow him to suckle.
“It is customary to name the foal within a day, so I will do so tonight,” Thor offered, hoping to force Loki to reveal himself. “If you have a preference for a name, you should suggest it.”
The horse ignored him, quickening her gate towards the woods. They did not travel far inside, only to the same waterfall where Seupu had seduced Thor. If Loki intended to bask in the irony, he did not show it. Instead, he let the foal rest curled up in Thor’s lap and ambled over to the low waterfall. After more than a few minutes submerged beneath it, a man, not a horse emerged.
“Sleipnir,” Loki said.
“Excuse me?” Thor was distracted by his brother’s milky white skin and handsome features. Loki had never been particularly comfortable bathing naked, probably because he was not as large or well-defined as the other warriors, but he seemed perfectly at home now, not even bothering to cover himself when he unfastened Thor’s cape and sat lay down on top of it in a patch of sun.
“Sleipnir is my son’s name.”
Thor knew he looked like an idiot, but all he could do was stare. “Brother, you’re back!”
Loki rolled his eyes. “I believe you already knew that.”
Thor grinned. “This morning you had me half convinced I was insane, talking to you as a horse.”
“How do you know you are not insane?” Loki asked. “You have been getting advice from a horse for many moons.”
Thor laughed, but Loki’s serious expression made him doubt himself for a moment. He frowned. From the point of view of his friends and family, Thor knew that his behavior over the past year probably did seem insane. But it hardly mattered. It had not be a horse, but his brother and Thor had been wise to seek his brother’s council.
“It wasn’t a horse, brother. It was you.”
Loki laughed. “You didn’t know it was me. I tried to tell you, but you didn’t listen.”
Thor scoffed. “If you had truly wanted me to know, you could have scraped a message to me in the dirt of your stall.”
“Admittedly, I did not try very hard. It was amusing to see watch you struggling with your rule.”
Thor flushed with anger. “Are you saying that you enjoyed my suffering and that of the kingdom at my hands? This was all just fun to you?”
Loki flinched away, a flitting, horselike movement of instinctual panic that stilled Thor’s anger. He was not used to seeing his brother afraid of him.
“I won’t deny that some of the situations you got yourself into were comical, but to tell the truth, I enjoyed having you confide in me.”
“Now I must be insane. Since when does my brother admit to enjoying my company?”
Thor’s heart sank at Loki’s answer: “since yours was the only company I was able to enjoy.”
Maybe what they had shared was not a deepening of their ages-old brotherly bond, but simply a relationship born of isolation and convenience. But at least Thor’s isolation had been self-imposed to a degree. Loki truly had no one else and even Thor could not listen to the multitude of sorrows that no doubt resulted from being transformed into an animal and to be carrying a child as well.
Thor paused, a chill running down his spine. He remembered asking the horse if she had enjoyed getting with child and the answer had been no. That meant that this wasn’t one of Loki’s experiments - he had become pregnant against his will and had been unable to transform himself because he had been taken against his will.
“Loki . . .”
Thor had always been transparent to his brother, so Loki preempted him. “No, Thor, I do not want to talk about all the indignities I suffered in my time as a horse, not the least of which was a giant blond oaf riding on my back.”
Loki and his silver tongue could persuade and evade all they wanted, but Thor was stubborn. He would get Loki to talk about it eventually, but right now there was one question to which he needed an answer. “I am not an indignity, brother. But I merely meant to ask you how you came to be a horse and how you came to bear Sleipnir.”
They were reasonable questions that Loki could not justify ignoring.
“If you only applied your mind to more than fighting, you could have figured it out on your own and spared me the headache,” Loki complained. This, at least, was their familiar interaction - Loki accusing Thor of being stupid at every opportunity. Thor wanted to support his brother and help him to come to terms with any trauma he had suffered, but he honestly did not know if he could handle Loki breaking down in front of him. “You remember the wall builder and his horse and how the horse conveniently disappeared?”
Thor nodded.
“At first I debated killing it, but the stallion was a hard working steed and innocent. I thought myself clever when I came up with a plan to distract the steed without harming it. I transformed myself into a mare in heat and lured the stallion into the woods. He chased me all night, as I planned. But I tired and I was not careful enough to avoid being mated.”
Thor shivered. Loki had a gift for sidestepping the real issue. Thor felt his heart break, knowing that his little brother had been violated - horse form or not.
“It was not your fault, brother.”
Loki chuckled bitterly. “If not my fault, then a consequence of my actions - or of my arrogance, perhaps.”
Thor debated for a second whether Loki would welcome his comfort, but when his brother flinched away from the arm he was about to put around him, Thor subsided.
Loki looked down at Sleipnir where he slept curled in Thor’s lap. “The next day when I attempted to revert to my own form, I found that I could not because my body rejected any action that could be harmful to my child. I wandered aimlessly until I sensed you in the forest. I had no interest in spending nearly a year wandering around alone as a horse, vulnerable to illness and predators, so I lured you to me. You know the rest.”
Thor nodded. “I treasured our time together, brother. Though I wish I had known it was you.”
“We will have more time together, Thor. I must nurse Sleipnir for another two moons before I return to my usual form. We will stay at the palace stables so that he may socialize with the other horses and learn to be a horse more than I can show him.”
Thor brightened. “So you will stay in the palace at least another two moons? You can help me with royal audience! Mother will be much relieved.”
Loki shook his head. “In case you failed to notice, Sleipnir nurses often. Besides, I will not suffer the judgement for the unnatural acts I have committed.”
Thor felt his chest constrict. “You did what was best for Asgard. Surely they will not blame you for it.”
“Thor, your naivety knows no bounds. Trust me, I appreciate that you think nothing of it, but the court will not be so kind. They have always thought me to be a strange aberration, not like other Aesir, not to be trusted, and of course, never to be given the throne.”
“You’d be much better at it,” Thor offered.
“I know I would, but you are the only one who thinks so.”
“After my recent failings as ruler, I am sure there are more who would agree.”
Loki sighed. “Perhaps. But if they find out that I lay with a stallion and got with child as a mare? Not many would abide by such perversion as a companion, let alone king.”
“It is not a perversion!” Thor shouted, waking Sleipnir, who immediately bolted from Thor’s lap to run to his mother. Loki cradled his trembling form in his arms, petting him. Thor was just surprised that the little horse understood that Loki was the same as his horse mother.
“It’s not a perversion,” Thor continued at a whisper. “You did what needed to be done for the sake of the kingdom. It is such loyalty that we teach our warriors. Why should they not applaud you for it? I do.”
The anger in Loki’s eyes for scaring Sleipnir melted away and he leaned forward, clasping Thor’s neck. “Oh, brother, I truly wish things were as glittering and grand as they are in your limited imagination. But this is why you will never learn to rule. You see only the best in those who you deem to be good and only the worst in those you see as evil. But the world is not light and darkness. We are all made of shadows, even you. The most malevolent of men do not think themselves evil and the goodest among us still commit terrible wrongs, even if out of ignorance. You must commune with the shadows, learn to love them and bend them to your will. If you want me to stand beside you, accepted by our people, you will help me keep this secret.”
“And Sleipnir? When you have become a prince again and stand by my side, you will abandon him?”
Loki hugged his child to him, clinging more desperately than Thor had ever seen him do anything. “Sleipnir will always be my son and I will always love him, but he will also always be a horse. I sense no ability to transform in him.”
“Could you not transform him?”
Loki shook his head. “Physically, yes, but magic cannot transcend consciousness. Sleipnir has magic enough in him to transform himself, but he does not have the consciousness of an Aesir. He would behave as a horse in a human body.”
“But he’s intelligent! He knows you even in your current form. He plays in a manner different from the other horses.”
Loki smiled. “He is more intelligent than an ordinary horse, but he is what he is and he must make his way in the world as a horse. We will find him a glorious purpose, brother. And he will always know that he is loved. Now, if you will excuse me, I believe my son is hungry.”
Before Loki could transform, Thor reached out, pulling his brother to him. “Even if you cannot return to court as soon as I hoped, it is good to have you back, brother. I missed you terribly.”
“Honestly, Thor, I was here the entire time. It is your own fault you did not notice.”
Thor ignored Loki’s protest. Did it matter that Loki thought Thor lived in an imagined world where all was good? Loki was here and that gave Thor reason to hope that things could be good. They would be. They had to be.
***
Thor had hoped to avoid his mother and the many royal headaches of court today, but Frigga was wise, crafty, and she knew her son intimately.
Thor had barely set foot in his chambers when his mother stepped in. Thor had many times asked for different seals on his doors that did not allow his mother uninvited access as though he were a child, but his wish was no longer granted. Loki had changed the magics on his own chambers, but there was no bribe that could convince him to do so for Thor. He claimed that he would put the charm on when Thor acted like an adult.
Frigga wore her full ceremonial regalia, which she only wore when Odin slept. It was gold and silver and mirrored the interweaving metals of Loki’s ceremonial attire, but was made out of the finest chain mail instead of solid pieces. The only solid pieces were a high silver collar that emphasized the long line of her neck and a crown with thin intricate swirls that wove throughout her hair to protect like a helmet without looking as absurd as an actual helmet.
She was dressed as a queen on the throne and with the trappings of war. This was not the sweet, nurturing woman that was Thor’s mother, but rather a ruler dealing with a subject. Thor winced.
“Let us pretend, for a moment, that the birth of a horse warrants fleeing from Royal Audience,” she said in a tone that implied that such flight was in no way acceptable. “Even in such a world, I could not imagine how it could take a full day and a half to return from the royal stables, especially with a hammer that allows one to fly.”
Thor cursed Loki and his secrets. Because if Frigga knew that it had been the birth of her first grandson that occupied Thor’s time she would have forgotten her anger in the joy of the event. Thor clenched a hand on Mjolnir’s hilt. His mother knew that he did so to suppress his anger and rule in his temper, but he did not care if she knew it.
“I am sorry, mother.”
Frigga stared him down for a long time before relenting, transforming from queen to mother once again. She sat down on the three-chair in Thor’s sitting area, motioning for him to sit beside her. She put an arm around him and clutched him to her chest. “Oh, Thor, I know this is difficult for you, but you must endure it. This will be your life one day and you must not run from it, but learn to take joy in it.”
“I did not run. I . . .” but there was no good excuse other than the truth and Loki had robbed him of that.
Frigga sighed. “Thor, you may have initially left out of desire to see your horse’s foal, but you were running away when you decided to stay there.”
Thor gave up fighting her. Let her think he was scared of the future. He was. But that didn’t mean he would run from it. Thor never ran from anything.
“It will get better, my son,” Frigga continued, stroking Thor’s hair. “Your father and I have not been good teachers in the past, but we are determined. We will make you a great king.”
But this was not enough. Thor knew it was perilously close to the tantrums of temper he had been prone to as a boy. “What if I don’t want to be king?!”
“Few who understand what it truly entails do want to, but it is the curse of your station. You were born a prince and so you must learn.”
“And why can Loki not sit on the throne? You cannot tell me that he would not handle all these matters better than I.”
Thor hated to see that look of heartbreak in Frigga’s eye. It spoke to her sadness and her worry for her son, but in a moment of rare insight, Thor realized that it also whispered of broken dreams. Thor had always taken after his father and excelled in the art of war that his father valued, while Loki had always been loved by their mother - coddled and indulged. But Thor understood now - it wasn’t indulgence because Frigga sought to compensate for the way others devalued Loki’s talents, but rather because Frigga herself valued Loki’s talents as superior to Thor and Odin’s. Her broken dream was to see Loki, her favored son, sit atop the throne.
“Your brother is not here,” Frigga replied, voice trembling ever so slightly.
There might be a way out of this yet. “And if he had a good reason to not be present?”
“Thor,” Frigga breathed, “if you know something of your brother’s reasoning . . . if you know his whereabouts, you must tell me. There are things,” she paused, looking stricken, “I worry so much for him.”
“Loki can take care of himself.”
“I am not worried about his skill in combat,” Frigga replied. “But Loki has other vulnerabilities that you do not. He is - has always been - different. It is urgent. If he suffers from particular woes, you must tell me so I can go to him.”
Her words were stilted, careful like the politicians at court and the diplomatic emissaries. “Mother, you speak in riddles. Does Loki have an illness that you have not told me about?”
Frigga pursed her lips, clearly regretting having spoken at all. “No. Though ever since he had those terrible fevers as a child I have worried more about his health than I have yours. It is that your brother is sensitive and there are some things in the universe, some knowledge, that could be harmful to him.”
“You mean like a secret? A secret you have been keeping from him?”
Frigga’s smile was strained. “Oh, no, my child, nothing like that. I am merely desperate to see my son and anxious for my husband’s long sleep. Forget my ramblings.” Her words had weight - more than just a mere plea. They had magic behind them. Luckily after a recent interrogation by some dwarves, Loki had enchanted simple silver anklet with a protection against compulsion spells. It was not as strong as necklace and would not protect against a determined sorcerer, but they had decided that an anklet was far less likely to be removed in the case of capture.
Had his mother just tried to magic away part of Thor’s memory? He froze. She did not know about the anklet. Thor had scoffed at Loki’s order to tell no one, even their parents, but now Loki’s paranoia did not seem so groundless.
Thor was a terrible liar and he felt himself tense with nervousness and even a little fear. Of his own mother?
He needed to distract her so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “You didn’t answer my question, mother. All else being equal, why could Loki not sit on the throne?”
“Because your father chose you.”
“But you believe Loki would make a better king?”
Frigga stared at her son for a long moment before relenting. “Yes, Thor, your brother would make a better king. But now, we must hope that he returns to us and consents to help you rule.”
Thor wanted to demand answers. A year ago he would have raged until he got them. But if cunning was what it took to become a good king, then he needed to convince his mother that all was good and then return to Loki and devise a way to uncover the secret that she would erase her own son’s memory to hide.
***
“Well you look happy,” Sif commented the moment Thor arrived in the banquet hall. “I haven’t seen you in such a state for many moons.”
Thor couldn’t help himself. He grinned wider. Despite his disturbing conversation with his mother, his brother had returned to him and he had a nephew. “The horse gave birth!”
“We heard,” Volstagg commented between bites. “Eight legs. It must be some horse!”
“She is. And the foal is incredible.” Thor beamed with pride. If Loki had his way, he would not ever be able to call Sleipnir nephew, but the two of them knew and that would have to be enough.
“Eight legs or not, it is just a horse,” Fandral commented, staring at Thor skeptically over the lip of his stein. “The maidens of the court are curious to hear when the prince will return to sleep in the palace. They are always disquieted when Loki disappears, but to be deprived of you is a crime to hear them talk about it.”
“You should be happy, Fandral. With your superiors gone, certainly they will finally look at you.”
All the warriors chuckled.
“I do well even with both princes in residence,” Fandral replied haughtily. “But even I cannot slake the lust of every courtly maiden.”
When Thor looked around he did notice a certain hunger in the eyes of some of his former lovers. He forced his gaze back to Fandral. Thor had never been skittish about his romantic adventures, especially because the maidens of court, unlike foreign princes, would be blamed if they slacked in their anti-conception regimens. Even so, the experience with Seupu had put an irrational fear in Thor. And, to be honest, he felt that in his travels with the horse - with Loki - he had begun to outgrow such trysts. There was magic and beauty in the universe, harmonics and aesthetics whose call far outpaced the simple desires of the flesh. Thor doubted he could give up the act itself permanently, but he now understood why his brother rejected more lovers than he allowed.
“Is that a blush?” Sif laughed. “Oh, the mighty Thor is ashamed of how he has disappointed the poor palace maidens!” Sif always had endless fun slighting the palace maidens.
“No!” Thor insisted. “I am merely tired of such things. They will have to deal with disappointment longer. I am very interested to see how the eight-legged foal matures. I will continue to adjourn to the stables.”
Sif rolled her eyes. “You know that this is quite the scandal, do you not? At weaving circle . . .”
Volstagg nearly spit out his mead in laughter. Everyone except Thor always laughed imagining Sif trying to weave. Thor and Loki had actually seen it once. Loki had transformed himself into a maiden and shrunk Thor so he could hide in his sewing basket. Sif sitting stiffly in a traditional dress had nearly done them in and her poor weaving even moreso. Loki, perfectionist that he was, managed a much finer pattern than she did. But after a while they had slunk away, noting how the other maidens maligned Sif whenever Frigga was out of the room. The maidens were crueler even that the warriors with their mean spirited pranks and harsh words. Loki and Thor had enjoyed taking their revenge in prank form on each and every one of them.
“At weaving circle,” Sif shouted over Volstagg and Fandral’s riotous laughter, “which may I point out I have only been forced to attend by Thor’s distraction and our lack of quests, there is a lot of speculation about why the prince does not sleep in the palace and none of it is good. Some theories may even be seditious.”
Thor frowned. “What about my love of sleeping under the stars could possibly be seditious?” Thor asked.
Sif slapped Thor on the back of the head. “Are you always this dense or just when Loki is not around to mind you? Nobody knows you have a love of sleeping under the stars. They only know what they see, which is that you sneak off at night and do not sleep in the palace and when you do make decisions of court, they all seem to lead Asgard into trouble.”
“Then I will tell them that I merely enjoy the wonders of nature.”
“That,” Volstagg pointed out while grabbing himself fifths, “will only add to the rumor that you are in love with your horse.”
Thor recoiled, remembering Loki’s prediction of how his own predicament would be seen.
“You can’t just expect people to believe what you say, Thor,” Sif explained, exasperated. “Add to this that business with the sea creature, the many, many conflicts that you have created in royal audience, the fact that you gave anti-conception tea to the whole delegation of Alfheim, the length of this Odinsleep, and the fact that Loki has been gone far longer than ever before . . . some people see that you are working deliberately against the interests of our kingdom.”
“Sif, you know that is not true. All those things are mere mistakes and coincidence.”
“I know it’s not true. I’m more inclined to believe that you are in love with your horse. But what I think hardly matters.”
“We can believe that you are suffering from inexperience and incompetence,” Volstagg added, “but the people have always adored you. You are such a skilled warrior and your father so wise that they expect the same of you.”
“That is not fair.”
Sif once again rolled her eyes. “Of course it’s not fair. But that is the way of the realms. You are well-liked enough that no one believes this to be deliberate. They all think you are under the spell of some sorcerer who is keeping Loki prisoner and forcing your father to stay in Odinsleep.”
“That is ridiculous.”
“It’s a rumor, Thor. It can be ridiculous and insidious at the same time!”
“Then what do you suggest I do, Sif?”
It was not Sif who answered, but Hogun. “Return to the palace and stop making so many mistakes.”
Unfortunately, those two things were in conflict. In order to stop making mistakes, Thor planned to get Loki’s advice. But in order to get Loki’s advice, he would have to sneak away and not just to the stables, because Loki had made it clear that he would not change his form in the stables.
“I will not change my personal habits based on a ridiculous rumor,” Thor declared. “I will endeavor to make less mistakes.”
Volstagg outright laughed at that, but it was enough for Sif to drop the subject.
***
The next day when Thor told Loki about the rumors he laughed at the stupidity of Sif’s weaving group, but agreed that something should be done.
“I will help you, Thor. Tell mother that you do not yet feel comfortable with Royal Audience and ask to observe her.” Loki smiled, reaching up to pick an apple from a nearby tree for Sleipnir.
“She already forces me to analyze every decision with her - even if it is increasing the maximum size of stalls in the market.”
“Maximum sizes of stalls are important. Suffer it. Mother does not allow you much power in the other matters of rule. But if she does, delay until the next day and we can figure out a solution. For the next diplomatic mission, invite the delegates riding and I will help you not to make a fool of yourself.”
“What about the War Council?”
Sleipnir had finished his apple and was currently nudging Thor for another, already wise enough to know that Loki could not be convinced by his wide green eyes.
“Tell Sif that if she is so concerned, she should accompany you. You mentioned that Tyr would like her on the council in the future so he will support it. All the other old rotters will be so scandalized by having a woman in their midst that they will ignore your blunders.”
It sounded like a plan. Except, “What if there is something urgent and I decide wrong?”
“If there is some urgent matter, make an excuse and use the hammer to come to me.”
Thor nodded. This could work. If only the other matter was so easily dealt with.
After a moment spent indulging Sleipnir in another apple, Thor finally worked up the courage to say, “Mother tried to put a spell on me.”
“You probably should have let her. I am here to help you with spells, but she doesn’t know that.”
“No, I mean against my will.”
Loki paused, looking skeptical. “Are you positive? Magic is not your strength. I could have been indigestion.”
“It was a coercion spell. The feeling was what you showed me the anklet would do if someone tried it on me.”
“Maybe you were about to make a crucial mistake and she wanted to stop you before you ruined another alliance.”
If Frigga had favored Loki, Loki had be just as devoted to his mother. Thor hated to force him to question that devotion, but he could not give up on this. “No, it wasn’t to get me to speak. We were alone. I think it was to make me forget.”
Loki tensed, his hands tightening in Sleipnir’s mane until the small horse whinnied and bucked him off, running over to Thor, who comforted him. “What did she want you to forget?”
“That is what is confusing, brother. She was worried about you, talking about special vulnerabilities and knowledge that could harm you. I asked if she meant secrets and she pretended it was all her worry and paranoia and nothing for me to be concerned with and then she said I should just forget it, but she said it with a push.”
Loki nodded. “I have long suspected that Father and Mother have been keeping a terrible secret from us. Sometimes when they watch me, they are wary as a parent should not be of their child. They suspect me of something and I don’t know why.”
“Mother would have you on the throne,” Thor pointed out. She couldn’t be so suspicious if she felt that way.
“But she has never brought it up with father. And when have you ever known mother to give in without at least an argument? No, there is another reason. She loves me, but she distrusts me.”
Loki looked so sad that Thor could not help but embrace him, whether it was welcome or not. Loki half smiled into Thor’s shoulder, letting Thor run a hand through his silky black hair as he had not done since childhood.
“We will figure this out, brother,” Thor vowed.
Loki turned to him them, his eyes shining. “Do you ever think that maybe they are keeping this secret for a reason, that maybe it is as dangerous as mother fears?”
“When has that ever stopped you from lusting after knowledge you do not have?”
“True. I want to know it even if it will destroy me. But you? Haven’t you always been content to leave father to his machinations?”
“It is a world of shadows, brother. You said so yourself.”
A/N: This is now officially the strangest fic I've ever written. It breaks all sorts of my rules. For example, I despise animal transformation fics, but somehow the fact that it is cannon in norse mythology has lured me unsuspecting into my most hated genre of fic. When I write AUs, I like to have one concrete change in the universe that splits it off from cannon, but since I didn't know this was going to be an AU when I started writing it, everything goes as though it could be cannon until its quite obvious that it's not. Also, it's a 30,000 words and counting response to a kink_meme prompt that has almost nothing to do with the theme of the story and supposedly a romance where 30,000 words in the main characters still don't seem to have a clue that at some point there should be sexing. Also, the sea creatures and fertile princes and politics and magical horses and incest. And I still have no idea how it's going to end. I hope it's not one of those weird fics that outstays its welcome, but at this point I think I'm just going to give in and go with the crazy flow.
Next Chapter: Denouement
Chapter 9: Secrets
It had taken Thor a long time to fall back to sleep the previous night. At first he simply enjoyed the soft rise and fall of his brother’s chest, the way he looked so peaceful, almost angelic, in sleep, and the sweet herbal smell that seemed to have seeped into Loki’s skin from years of potions and spellcasting. But then Thor started thinking, remembering all that had happened the past eleven moons and trying to reconcile those events with the fact that the horse had been his brother all along.
The first, most astounding thing was that as a horse, Loki had allowed Thor to ride him. While Thor had no problem slinging his brother over his back and simply walking off with him, Loki had always insisted that such behavior was not regal. Loki himself was no prone to physical affection and always carried himself with a kind of aloof dignity that suggested that he would bow to no one, or if he were made to bow, he would make the act so troublesome that anyone dumb enough to try to force it would regret the impulse.
Thor could hardly believe that Loki had willingly taken him onto his back. But then again, the horse had always made it clear that Thor rode according to her will and not because Thor himself had any right to demand it. Still, Thor imagined that Loki must have been very desperate for his company to even submit to that much indignity. Loki must have been quite lonely.
The horse had on many occasions shared Loki’s dry sense of humor, propensity for pranks, and disdain for Thor’s more ill-advised actions. Her interactions with Thor when he did something stupid were exactly the same as Loki when he was human.
Furthermore, Thor had no problems understanding Loki’s more protective actions as a horse. Saving Thor from himself had long been a pastime of Loki’s. In battle Thor was an unstoppable force without parallel, but whenever he took a turn for a strategic dead end, Loki was quick to stop him. And now that Thor knew exactly how horrible he was at politics, he realized how much his brother had always covered for him - talking with the older delegates and leaving Thor with the princes or princesses or finding an irresistible adventure for Thor whenever a particularly difficult political matter arrived at court. Loki never protected Thor from their parents and in fact allowed Thor to take the blame for ideas that often originated with Loki, but he had effectively been shielding him from the outside world for years.
Thor had always thought that introducing him to the horse was Loki’s way of showing Thor the magic of the universe as he saw it and knowing that the horse had been Loki all along only intensified Thor’s feelings of humble gratitude that his brother would include him in his world that way. In a way, it made him feel closer to Loki than he had since childhood while at the same time making his heart ache that Loki did not feel that he could be this sweet magical creature when in his true form.
In fact, Thor found himself anxious about what Loki would do now that words and politics were available to him again. Thor had loved him as a horse and felt a soul-deep bond to him. Loki had been more open than Thor had ever seen him and Thor feared that now Loki no longer needed Thor’s companionship, they would lose the closeness they had cultivated this year. Thor found himself more scared by the prospect than he had been scared of anything in a long time.
With the horse, there had been tricks, and magic, and sweetness, but no lies. Thor didn’t think he could take it if Loki started lying to him again. It would break his heart.
And there was the matter of the throne. Odin had declared Thor his heir-apparent and Thor had begun to have second thoughts on the matter. Loki had never proclaimed to want the throne, but he’d never expressed any confidence that Thor should have it either. And Loki had always be prideful. He probably wanted to be offered the throne and then to turn it down. And if his motivations for staying away had been due to pregnancy and not running away from his princely duties, it was not at all clear what Loki wanted from the situation and with Thor so confused as to his own desires, he had no idea what would happen to the royal succession - only that it would be a painful series of events for all involved.
Despite all his worries, the even rhythm of Loki’s breathing and the soft snuffles of the foal eventually lulled Thor into a fitful sleep. He dreamed of the white horse running through a citadel of ice with Thor chasing behind her. There were frost giants and great serpents and other monsters, but Thor ignored them all, chasing the horse until a blizzard swallowed her whole. Thor called out for Loki and then they were on the rainbow bridge, locked in battle with the stars that Thor loved so much all around them, seeming to jeer. There was a desperate, malevolent glint in Loki’s eyes that Thor had never seen before. And then the hammer dropped, cracking the clear surface of the rainbow bridge like ice. They both stared down at it and then Loki smiled a terrible smile that took pleasure in suffering and leaned forward, leaving Thor with a knife in his gut and a kiss as he jumped off the bridge and into the infinite wonder of the universe.
Thor woke in a panic, looking for Loki and finding only the mess of blankets wrapped around him. Neither Loki nor the foal slept next to him. Dawn had long since crept into morning and after a moment of panicked disorientation, Thor spotted them in a far corner of the pasture - the horse and her eight-legged foal.
Thor jumped out of the nest of blankets and rushed over to them. The horse was grazing while the foal suckled. Both ignored Thor’s approach.
“Loki,” Thor exclaimed. “You are a horse again.”
The horse didn’t look at him, but rather turned her head to nuzzle at her foal.
“Loki,” Thor whispered harshly, noting the approach of the head stable hand. Had he imagined that the horse transformed into his brother? Surely it could not have been a dream, considering how long he spent watching his brother sleep the night before. The memory was too sharp.
He poked the horse. “I saw you last night, brother. There is no need to hide.”
“Prince Thor,” the stable hand bellowed. “It is good to see you finally arisen.” He made to pat the horse, but she turned her head away. “Don’t worry, a mare can be protective of her newborn foal. She’ll sweeten to you again soon. A lot of people are waiting at the gate, wanting to see the eight-legged foal, but I thought you would not appreciate a crowd in here watching you sleep.”
“Thank you, good man,” Thor replied, “but I’m afraid I must ask not to let them in at all.” Thor was certain that Loki would not appreciate gawkers looking at his child with painful curiosity. He was even more certain that Loki would hate more people seeing him in his horse form.
The stable hand looked as though he might ask Thor why he didn’t want others to see, but seemed to remember himself. Thor was the crowned prince and only the king and queen could override his orders in the royal stables.
Once the stable hand had departed, Thor poked the horse again. “Loki, he’s gone now. You can transform.”
The horse took her sweet time finishing her mouthful of grass before casually ambling to the gate of the pasture. Thor opened it for her and the foal, following along beside them on the path into the woods. The foal was able to keep up with its mother’s slow gate, though they stopped twice in order to allow him to suckle.
“It is customary to name the foal within a day, so I will do so tonight,” Thor offered, hoping to force Loki to reveal himself. “If you have a preference for a name, you should suggest it.”
The horse ignored him, quickening her gate towards the woods. They did not travel far inside, only to the same waterfall where Seupu had seduced Thor. If Loki intended to bask in the irony, he did not show it. Instead, he let the foal rest curled up in Thor’s lap and ambled over to the low waterfall. After more than a few minutes submerged beneath it, a man, not a horse emerged.
“Sleipnir,” Loki said.
“Excuse me?” Thor was distracted by his brother’s milky white skin and handsome features. Loki had never been particularly comfortable bathing naked, probably because he was not as large or well-defined as the other warriors, but he seemed perfectly at home now, not even bothering to cover himself when he unfastened Thor’s cape and sat lay down on top of it in a patch of sun.
“Sleipnir is my son’s name.”
Thor knew he looked like an idiot, but all he could do was stare. “Brother, you’re back!”
Loki rolled his eyes. “I believe you already knew that.”
Thor grinned. “This morning you had me half convinced I was insane, talking to you as a horse.”
“How do you know you are not insane?” Loki asked. “You have been getting advice from a horse for many moons.”
Thor laughed, but Loki’s serious expression made him doubt himself for a moment. He frowned. From the point of view of his friends and family, Thor knew that his behavior over the past year probably did seem insane. But it hardly mattered. It had not be a horse, but his brother and Thor had been wise to seek his brother’s council.
“It wasn’t a horse, brother. It was you.”
Loki laughed. “You didn’t know it was me. I tried to tell you, but you didn’t listen.”
Thor scoffed. “If you had truly wanted me to know, you could have scraped a message to me in the dirt of your stall.”
“Admittedly, I did not try very hard. It was amusing to see watch you struggling with your rule.”
Thor flushed with anger. “Are you saying that you enjoyed my suffering and that of the kingdom at my hands? This was all just fun to you?”
Loki flinched away, a flitting, horselike movement of instinctual panic that stilled Thor’s anger. He was not used to seeing his brother afraid of him.
“I won’t deny that some of the situations you got yourself into were comical, but to tell the truth, I enjoyed having you confide in me.”
“Now I must be insane. Since when does my brother admit to enjoying my company?”
Thor’s heart sank at Loki’s answer: “since yours was the only company I was able to enjoy.”
Maybe what they had shared was not a deepening of their ages-old brotherly bond, but simply a relationship born of isolation and convenience. But at least Thor’s isolation had been self-imposed to a degree. Loki truly had no one else and even Thor could not listen to the multitude of sorrows that no doubt resulted from being transformed into an animal and to be carrying a child as well.
Thor paused, a chill running down his spine. He remembered asking the horse if she had enjoyed getting with child and the answer had been no. That meant that this wasn’t one of Loki’s experiments - he had become pregnant against his will and had been unable to transform himself because he had been taken against his will.
“Loki . . .”
Thor had always been transparent to his brother, so Loki preempted him. “No, Thor, I do not want to talk about all the indignities I suffered in my time as a horse, not the least of which was a giant blond oaf riding on my back.”
Loki and his silver tongue could persuade and evade all they wanted, but Thor was stubborn. He would get Loki to talk about it eventually, but right now there was one question to which he needed an answer. “I am not an indignity, brother. But I merely meant to ask you how you came to be a horse and how you came to bear Sleipnir.”
They were reasonable questions that Loki could not justify ignoring.
“If you only applied your mind to more than fighting, you could have figured it out on your own and spared me the headache,” Loki complained. This, at least, was their familiar interaction - Loki accusing Thor of being stupid at every opportunity. Thor wanted to support his brother and help him to come to terms with any trauma he had suffered, but he honestly did not know if he could handle Loki breaking down in front of him. “You remember the wall builder and his horse and how the horse conveniently disappeared?”
Thor nodded.
“At first I debated killing it, but the stallion was a hard working steed and innocent. I thought myself clever when I came up with a plan to distract the steed without harming it. I transformed myself into a mare in heat and lured the stallion into the woods. He chased me all night, as I planned. But I tired and I was not careful enough to avoid being mated.”
Thor shivered. Loki had a gift for sidestepping the real issue. Thor felt his heart break, knowing that his little brother had been violated - horse form or not.
“It was not your fault, brother.”
Loki chuckled bitterly. “If not my fault, then a consequence of my actions - or of my arrogance, perhaps.”
Thor debated for a second whether Loki would welcome his comfort, but when his brother flinched away from the arm he was about to put around him, Thor subsided.
Loki looked down at Sleipnir where he slept curled in Thor’s lap. “The next day when I attempted to revert to my own form, I found that I could not because my body rejected any action that could be harmful to my child. I wandered aimlessly until I sensed you in the forest. I had no interest in spending nearly a year wandering around alone as a horse, vulnerable to illness and predators, so I lured you to me. You know the rest.”
Thor nodded. “I treasured our time together, brother. Though I wish I had known it was you.”
“We will have more time together, Thor. I must nurse Sleipnir for another two moons before I return to my usual form. We will stay at the palace stables so that he may socialize with the other horses and learn to be a horse more than I can show him.”
Thor brightened. “So you will stay in the palace at least another two moons? You can help me with royal audience! Mother will be much relieved.”
Loki shook his head. “In case you failed to notice, Sleipnir nurses often. Besides, I will not suffer the judgement for the unnatural acts I have committed.”
Thor felt his chest constrict. “You did what was best for Asgard. Surely they will not blame you for it.”
“Thor, your naivety knows no bounds. Trust me, I appreciate that you think nothing of it, but the court will not be so kind. They have always thought me to be a strange aberration, not like other Aesir, not to be trusted, and of course, never to be given the throne.”
“You’d be much better at it,” Thor offered.
“I know I would, but you are the only one who thinks so.”
“After my recent failings as ruler, I am sure there are more who would agree.”
Loki sighed. “Perhaps. But if they find out that I lay with a stallion and got with child as a mare? Not many would abide by such perversion as a companion, let alone king.”
“It is not a perversion!” Thor shouted, waking Sleipnir, who immediately bolted from Thor’s lap to run to his mother. Loki cradled his trembling form in his arms, petting him. Thor was just surprised that the little horse understood that Loki was the same as his horse mother.
“It’s not a perversion,” Thor continued at a whisper. “You did what needed to be done for the sake of the kingdom. It is such loyalty that we teach our warriors. Why should they not applaud you for it? I do.”
The anger in Loki’s eyes for scaring Sleipnir melted away and he leaned forward, clasping Thor’s neck. “Oh, brother, I truly wish things were as glittering and grand as they are in your limited imagination. But this is why you will never learn to rule. You see only the best in those who you deem to be good and only the worst in those you see as evil. But the world is not light and darkness. We are all made of shadows, even you. The most malevolent of men do not think themselves evil and the goodest among us still commit terrible wrongs, even if out of ignorance. You must commune with the shadows, learn to love them and bend them to your will. If you want me to stand beside you, accepted by our people, you will help me keep this secret.”
“And Sleipnir? When you have become a prince again and stand by my side, you will abandon him?”
Loki hugged his child to him, clinging more desperately than Thor had ever seen him do anything. “Sleipnir will always be my son and I will always love him, but he will also always be a horse. I sense no ability to transform in him.”
“Could you not transform him?”
Loki shook his head. “Physically, yes, but magic cannot transcend consciousness. Sleipnir has magic enough in him to transform himself, but he does not have the consciousness of an Aesir. He would behave as a horse in a human body.”
“But he’s intelligent! He knows you even in your current form. He plays in a manner different from the other horses.”
Loki smiled. “He is more intelligent than an ordinary horse, but he is what he is and he must make his way in the world as a horse. We will find him a glorious purpose, brother. And he will always know that he is loved. Now, if you will excuse me, I believe my son is hungry.”
Before Loki could transform, Thor reached out, pulling his brother to him. “Even if you cannot return to court as soon as I hoped, it is good to have you back, brother. I missed you terribly.”
“Honestly, Thor, I was here the entire time. It is your own fault you did not notice.”
Thor ignored Loki’s protest. Did it matter that Loki thought Thor lived in an imagined world where all was good? Loki was here and that gave Thor reason to hope that things could be good. They would be. They had to be.
***
Thor had hoped to avoid his mother and the many royal headaches of court today, but Frigga was wise, crafty, and she knew her son intimately.
Thor had barely set foot in his chambers when his mother stepped in. Thor had many times asked for different seals on his doors that did not allow his mother uninvited access as though he were a child, but his wish was no longer granted. Loki had changed the magics on his own chambers, but there was no bribe that could convince him to do so for Thor. He claimed that he would put the charm on when Thor acted like an adult.
Frigga wore her full ceremonial regalia, which she only wore when Odin slept. It was gold and silver and mirrored the interweaving metals of Loki’s ceremonial attire, but was made out of the finest chain mail instead of solid pieces. The only solid pieces were a high silver collar that emphasized the long line of her neck and a crown with thin intricate swirls that wove throughout her hair to protect like a helmet without looking as absurd as an actual helmet.
She was dressed as a queen on the throne and with the trappings of war. This was not the sweet, nurturing woman that was Thor’s mother, but rather a ruler dealing with a subject. Thor winced.
“Let us pretend, for a moment, that the birth of a horse warrants fleeing from Royal Audience,” she said in a tone that implied that such flight was in no way acceptable. “Even in such a world, I could not imagine how it could take a full day and a half to return from the royal stables, especially with a hammer that allows one to fly.”
Thor cursed Loki and his secrets. Because if Frigga knew that it had been the birth of her first grandson that occupied Thor’s time she would have forgotten her anger in the joy of the event. Thor clenched a hand on Mjolnir’s hilt. His mother knew that he did so to suppress his anger and rule in his temper, but he did not care if she knew it.
“I am sorry, mother.”
Frigga stared him down for a long time before relenting, transforming from queen to mother once again. She sat down on the three-chair in Thor’s sitting area, motioning for him to sit beside her. She put an arm around him and clutched him to her chest. “Oh, Thor, I know this is difficult for you, but you must endure it. This will be your life one day and you must not run from it, but learn to take joy in it.”
“I did not run. I . . .” but there was no good excuse other than the truth and Loki had robbed him of that.
Frigga sighed. “Thor, you may have initially left out of desire to see your horse’s foal, but you were running away when you decided to stay there.”
Thor gave up fighting her. Let her think he was scared of the future. He was. But that didn’t mean he would run from it. Thor never ran from anything.
“It will get better, my son,” Frigga continued, stroking Thor’s hair. “Your father and I have not been good teachers in the past, but we are determined. We will make you a great king.”
But this was not enough. Thor knew it was perilously close to the tantrums of temper he had been prone to as a boy. “What if I don’t want to be king?!”
“Few who understand what it truly entails do want to, but it is the curse of your station. You were born a prince and so you must learn.”
“And why can Loki not sit on the throne? You cannot tell me that he would not handle all these matters better than I.”
Thor hated to see that look of heartbreak in Frigga’s eye. It spoke to her sadness and her worry for her son, but in a moment of rare insight, Thor realized that it also whispered of broken dreams. Thor had always taken after his father and excelled in the art of war that his father valued, while Loki had always been loved by their mother - coddled and indulged. But Thor understood now - it wasn’t indulgence because Frigga sought to compensate for the way others devalued Loki’s talents, but rather because Frigga herself valued Loki’s talents as superior to Thor and Odin’s. Her broken dream was to see Loki, her favored son, sit atop the throne.
“Your brother is not here,” Frigga replied, voice trembling ever so slightly.
There might be a way out of this yet. “And if he had a good reason to not be present?”
“Thor,” Frigga breathed, “if you know something of your brother’s reasoning . . . if you know his whereabouts, you must tell me. There are things,” she paused, looking stricken, “I worry so much for him.”
“Loki can take care of himself.”
“I am not worried about his skill in combat,” Frigga replied. “But Loki has other vulnerabilities that you do not. He is - has always been - different. It is urgent. If he suffers from particular woes, you must tell me so I can go to him.”
Her words were stilted, careful like the politicians at court and the diplomatic emissaries. “Mother, you speak in riddles. Does Loki have an illness that you have not told me about?”
Frigga pursed her lips, clearly regretting having spoken at all. “No. Though ever since he had those terrible fevers as a child I have worried more about his health than I have yours. It is that your brother is sensitive and there are some things in the universe, some knowledge, that could be harmful to him.”
“You mean like a secret? A secret you have been keeping from him?”
Frigga’s smile was strained. “Oh, no, my child, nothing like that. I am merely desperate to see my son and anxious for my husband’s long sleep. Forget my ramblings.” Her words had weight - more than just a mere plea. They had magic behind them. Luckily after a recent interrogation by some dwarves, Loki had enchanted simple silver anklet with a protection against compulsion spells. It was not as strong as necklace and would not protect against a determined sorcerer, but they had decided that an anklet was far less likely to be removed in the case of capture.
Had his mother just tried to magic away part of Thor’s memory? He froze. She did not know about the anklet. Thor had scoffed at Loki’s order to tell no one, even their parents, but now Loki’s paranoia did not seem so groundless.
Thor was a terrible liar and he felt himself tense with nervousness and even a little fear. Of his own mother?
He needed to distract her so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “You didn’t answer my question, mother. All else being equal, why could Loki not sit on the throne?”
“Because your father chose you.”
“But you believe Loki would make a better king?”
Frigga stared at her son for a long moment before relenting. “Yes, Thor, your brother would make a better king. But now, we must hope that he returns to us and consents to help you rule.”
Thor wanted to demand answers. A year ago he would have raged until he got them. But if cunning was what it took to become a good king, then he needed to convince his mother that all was good and then return to Loki and devise a way to uncover the secret that she would erase her own son’s memory to hide.
***
“Well you look happy,” Sif commented the moment Thor arrived in the banquet hall. “I haven’t seen you in such a state for many moons.”
Thor couldn’t help himself. He grinned wider. Despite his disturbing conversation with his mother, his brother had returned to him and he had a nephew. “The horse gave birth!”
“We heard,” Volstagg commented between bites. “Eight legs. It must be some horse!”
“She is. And the foal is incredible.” Thor beamed with pride. If Loki had his way, he would not ever be able to call Sleipnir nephew, but the two of them knew and that would have to be enough.
“Eight legs or not, it is just a horse,” Fandral commented, staring at Thor skeptically over the lip of his stein. “The maidens of the court are curious to hear when the prince will return to sleep in the palace. They are always disquieted when Loki disappears, but to be deprived of you is a crime to hear them talk about it.”
“You should be happy, Fandral. With your superiors gone, certainly they will finally look at you.”
All the warriors chuckled.
“I do well even with both princes in residence,” Fandral replied haughtily. “But even I cannot slake the lust of every courtly maiden.”
When Thor looked around he did notice a certain hunger in the eyes of some of his former lovers. He forced his gaze back to Fandral. Thor had never been skittish about his romantic adventures, especially because the maidens of court, unlike foreign princes, would be blamed if they slacked in their anti-conception regimens. Even so, the experience with Seupu had put an irrational fear in Thor. And, to be honest, he felt that in his travels with the horse - with Loki - he had begun to outgrow such trysts. There was magic and beauty in the universe, harmonics and aesthetics whose call far outpaced the simple desires of the flesh. Thor doubted he could give up the act itself permanently, but he now understood why his brother rejected more lovers than he allowed.
“Is that a blush?” Sif laughed. “Oh, the mighty Thor is ashamed of how he has disappointed the poor palace maidens!” Sif always had endless fun slighting the palace maidens.
“No!” Thor insisted. “I am merely tired of such things. They will have to deal with disappointment longer. I am very interested to see how the eight-legged foal matures. I will continue to adjourn to the stables.”
Sif rolled her eyes. “You know that this is quite the scandal, do you not? At weaving circle . . .”
Volstagg nearly spit out his mead in laughter. Everyone except Thor always laughed imagining Sif trying to weave. Thor and Loki had actually seen it once. Loki had transformed himself into a maiden and shrunk Thor so he could hide in his sewing basket. Sif sitting stiffly in a traditional dress had nearly done them in and her poor weaving even moreso. Loki, perfectionist that he was, managed a much finer pattern than she did. But after a while they had slunk away, noting how the other maidens maligned Sif whenever Frigga was out of the room. The maidens were crueler even that the warriors with their mean spirited pranks and harsh words. Loki and Thor had enjoyed taking their revenge in prank form on each and every one of them.
“At weaving circle,” Sif shouted over Volstagg and Fandral’s riotous laughter, “which may I point out I have only been forced to attend by Thor’s distraction and our lack of quests, there is a lot of speculation about why the prince does not sleep in the palace and none of it is good. Some theories may even be seditious.”
Thor frowned. “What about my love of sleeping under the stars could possibly be seditious?” Thor asked.
Sif slapped Thor on the back of the head. “Are you always this dense or just when Loki is not around to mind you? Nobody knows you have a love of sleeping under the stars. They only know what they see, which is that you sneak off at night and do not sleep in the palace and when you do make decisions of court, they all seem to lead Asgard into trouble.”
“Then I will tell them that I merely enjoy the wonders of nature.”
“That,” Volstagg pointed out while grabbing himself fifths, “will only add to the rumor that you are in love with your horse.”
Thor recoiled, remembering Loki’s prediction of how his own predicament would be seen.
“You can’t just expect people to believe what you say, Thor,” Sif explained, exasperated. “Add to this that business with the sea creature, the many, many conflicts that you have created in royal audience, the fact that you gave anti-conception tea to the whole delegation of Alfheim, the length of this Odinsleep, and the fact that Loki has been gone far longer than ever before . . . some people see that you are working deliberately against the interests of our kingdom.”
“Sif, you know that is not true. All those things are mere mistakes and coincidence.”
“I know it’s not true. I’m more inclined to believe that you are in love with your horse. But what I think hardly matters.”
“We can believe that you are suffering from inexperience and incompetence,” Volstagg added, “but the people have always adored you. You are such a skilled warrior and your father so wise that they expect the same of you.”
“That is not fair.”
Sif once again rolled her eyes. “Of course it’s not fair. But that is the way of the realms. You are well-liked enough that no one believes this to be deliberate. They all think you are under the spell of some sorcerer who is keeping Loki prisoner and forcing your father to stay in Odinsleep.”
“That is ridiculous.”
“It’s a rumor, Thor. It can be ridiculous and insidious at the same time!”
“Then what do you suggest I do, Sif?”
It was not Sif who answered, but Hogun. “Return to the palace and stop making so many mistakes.”
Unfortunately, those two things were in conflict. In order to stop making mistakes, Thor planned to get Loki’s advice. But in order to get Loki’s advice, he would have to sneak away and not just to the stables, because Loki had made it clear that he would not change his form in the stables.
“I will not change my personal habits based on a ridiculous rumor,” Thor declared. “I will endeavor to make less mistakes.”
Volstagg outright laughed at that, but it was enough for Sif to drop the subject.
***
The next day when Thor told Loki about the rumors he laughed at the stupidity of Sif’s weaving group, but agreed that something should be done.
“I will help you, Thor. Tell mother that you do not yet feel comfortable with Royal Audience and ask to observe her.” Loki smiled, reaching up to pick an apple from a nearby tree for Sleipnir.
“She already forces me to analyze every decision with her - even if it is increasing the maximum size of stalls in the market.”
“Maximum sizes of stalls are important. Suffer it. Mother does not allow you much power in the other matters of rule. But if she does, delay until the next day and we can figure out a solution. For the next diplomatic mission, invite the delegates riding and I will help you not to make a fool of yourself.”
“What about the War Council?”
Sleipnir had finished his apple and was currently nudging Thor for another, already wise enough to know that Loki could not be convinced by his wide green eyes.
“Tell Sif that if she is so concerned, she should accompany you. You mentioned that Tyr would like her on the council in the future so he will support it. All the other old rotters will be so scandalized by having a woman in their midst that they will ignore your blunders.”
It sounded like a plan. Except, “What if there is something urgent and I decide wrong?”
“If there is some urgent matter, make an excuse and use the hammer to come to me.”
Thor nodded. This could work. If only the other matter was so easily dealt with.
After a moment spent indulging Sleipnir in another apple, Thor finally worked up the courage to say, “Mother tried to put a spell on me.”
“You probably should have let her. I am here to help you with spells, but she doesn’t know that.”
“No, I mean against my will.”
Loki paused, looking skeptical. “Are you positive? Magic is not your strength. I could have been indigestion.”
“It was a coercion spell. The feeling was what you showed me the anklet would do if someone tried it on me.”
“Maybe you were about to make a crucial mistake and she wanted to stop you before you ruined another alliance.”
If Frigga had favored Loki, Loki had be just as devoted to his mother. Thor hated to force him to question that devotion, but he could not give up on this. “No, it wasn’t to get me to speak. We were alone. I think it was to make me forget.”
Loki tensed, his hands tightening in Sleipnir’s mane until the small horse whinnied and bucked him off, running over to Thor, who comforted him. “What did she want you to forget?”
“That is what is confusing, brother. She was worried about you, talking about special vulnerabilities and knowledge that could harm you. I asked if she meant secrets and she pretended it was all her worry and paranoia and nothing for me to be concerned with and then she said I should just forget it, but she said it with a push.”
Loki nodded. “I have long suspected that Father and Mother have been keeping a terrible secret from us. Sometimes when they watch me, they are wary as a parent should not be of their child. They suspect me of something and I don’t know why.”
“Mother would have you on the throne,” Thor pointed out. She couldn’t be so suspicious if she felt that way.
“But she has never brought it up with father. And when have you ever known mother to give in without at least an argument? No, there is another reason. She loves me, but she distrusts me.”
Loki looked so sad that Thor could not help but embrace him, whether it was welcome or not. Loki half smiled into Thor’s shoulder, letting Thor run a hand through his silky black hair as he had not done since childhood.
“We will figure this out, brother,” Thor vowed.
Loki turned to him them, his eyes shining. “Do you ever think that maybe they are keeping this secret for a reason, that maybe it is as dangerous as mother fears?”
“When has that ever stopped you from lusting after knowledge you do not have?”
“True. I want to know it even if it will destroy me. But you? Haven’t you always been content to leave father to his machinations?”
“It is a world of shadows, brother. You said so yourself.”
A/N: This is now officially the strangest fic I've ever written. It breaks all sorts of my rules. For example, I despise animal transformation fics, but somehow the fact that it is cannon in norse mythology has lured me unsuspecting into my most hated genre of fic. When I write AUs, I like to have one concrete change in the universe that splits it off from cannon, but since I didn't know this was going to be an AU when I started writing it, everything goes as though it could be cannon until its quite obvious that it's not. Also, it's a 30,000 words and counting response to a kink_meme prompt that has almost nothing to do with the theme of the story and supposedly a romance where 30,000 words in the main characters still don't seem to have a clue that at some point there should be sexing. Also, the sea creatures and fertile princes and politics and magical horses and incest. And I still have no idea how it's going to end. I hope it's not one of those weird fics that outstays its welcome, but at this point I think I'm just going to give in and go with the crazy flow.
Next Chapter: Denouement