Echoes
Around June 1
I went into the barren room, looking for ghosts and traces. The window a glowing rectangle of sunlight and leaves casting shadows of brilliant light across dark-wood floors and purple-black walls. Went to the bed, to see if place would revive memory: instantly one came, the first time there, half-asleep, listening to Jean-Paul reading about patience from "Introduction to the Devout Life" by the yellow light of a small bedside lamp
I knew, suddenly, near certainly, that passage would bring back to me just the words I needed to find an understanding of how such ugliness could have arisen between two people who saw so much good in each other, and how to shape my inner way of being to not suffer too much from it, to learn how to do better next time. Ran to get the book, and yes- yes- there it was, of course.
found i could generate his voice in my mind, how he read it with a haunting intensity--his voice completely present within the silence in my head--incredible that the mind can do that:
"It is man's great happiness to possess his own soul, Philothea, and the more perfect our patience the more completely do we possess our souls...The truly patient man...bears up equally under tribulations accompanied by ignominy and those that bring honor. To be despised, criticized, or accused by evil men is a slight thing to a courageous man, but to be criticized, denounced, and treated badly by good men, by our own friends and relations is the test of virtue...the wrongs we suffer from good men and the attacks they make are far harder to bear than those we suffer from others. Yet it often happens that two good men, both with good intentions, because of conflicting ideas stir up great persecutions and attacks on one another....
When any evil happens to you, apply whatever remedies you can...Having done this, wait with resignation for the results that it may please God to send. If it is his will that the remedies overcome the evil, then humbly return him thanks. If it is his will that the evils overcome the remedies, then bless him with patience...
When you are justly accused of some fault you have committed you must genuinely humble yourself and confess that you deserve the charge brought against you. If the accusation is false, excuse yourself meekly and deny your guilt, for you owe respect to truth and to the edification of your neighbor. If they continue to accuse you after you have made your true and legitimate explanation, don't be disturbed and don't try to make them accept your explanation. When you have discharged your duty to the truth, you must also do the same to humility."
--St. Francis de Sales, 1608
I went into the barren room, looking for ghosts and traces. The window a glowing rectangle of sunlight and leaves casting shadows of brilliant light across dark-wood floors and purple-black walls. Went to the bed, to see if place would revive memory: instantly one came, the first time there, half-asleep, listening to Jean-Paul reading about patience from "Introduction to the Devout Life" by the yellow light of a small bedside lamp
I knew, suddenly, near certainly, that passage would bring back to me just the words I needed to find an understanding of how such ugliness could have arisen between two people who saw so much good in each other, and how to shape my inner way of being to not suffer too much from it, to learn how to do better next time. Ran to get the book, and yes- yes- there it was, of course.
found i could generate his voice in my mind, how he read it with a haunting intensity--his voice completely present within the silence in my head--incredible that the mind can do that:
"It is man's great happiness to possess his own soul, Philothea, and the more perfect our patience the more completely do we possess our souls...The truly patient man...bears up equally under tribulations accompanied by ignominy and those that bring honor. To be despised, criticized, or accused by evil men is a slight thing to a courageous man, but to be criticized, denounced, and treated badly by good men, by our own friends and relations is the test of virtue...the wrongs we suffer from good men and the attacks they make are far harder to bear than those we suffer from others. Yet it often happens that two good men, both with good intentions, because of conflicting ideas stir up great persecutions and attacks on one another....
When any evil happens to you, apply whatever remedies you can...Having done this, wait with resignation for the results that it may please God to send. If it is his will that the remedies overcome the evil, then humbly return him thanks. If it is his will that the evils overcome the remedies, then bless him with patience...
When you are justly accused of some fault you have committed you must genuinely humble yourself and confess that you deserve the charge brought against you. If the accusation is false, excuse yourself meekly and deny your guilt, for you owe respect to truth and to the edification of your neighbor. If they continue to accuse you after you have made your true and legitimate explanation, don't be disturbed and don't try to make them accept your explanation. When you have discharged your duty to the truth, you must also do the same to humility."
--St. Francis de Sales, 1608