Star Wars Prequels- Episode One Part One
So, Star Wars Episode One... where in all of Faeryland do I even start on this thing? This movie was already hyped beyond belief before Lucas even started writing it. After Return of the Jedi, Lucas was hinting around about more Star Wars movies, but he had more important projects to work on. Like Willow and Howard the Duck, because Oberon knows these are stories that needed to be told... yanno, I actually promised myself that I was going to try to take this seriously and not just rag on Lucas, but I can't seem to help myself.
Okay, so by the time Episode One was released, there were truckloads of Star Wars novels and comics and visual guides out there. If none of them told a prequel story, then I'm willing to bet that fanfic authors were happy to fill in those gaps. I'm sure someone wrote the adventures of Yoda, Obi Wan and probably Anakin as well. By the time Lucas started writing, he couldn't help pissing off some fans no matter what he wrote, even if it was really really good. We all had our own ideas about Star Wars, and nearly 25 years to obsess over them. I remember when they announced that the film was being made and I honestly couldn't begin to imagine what the story would be like because there were so many potential ways it could have gone. Ultimately, Lucas decided to use the prequels as an excuse to remake the original three Star Wars movies, and that, in my opinion, is the real problem. These aren't new stories. These are old stories, only this time Luke gets the girl and then turns evil and falls into some lava.
And the effects are all digital because making Star Wars was such a pain in the ass that this time Lucas decided to film everything on sound stages so he would never have to deal with the challenges of filming on location.
The problem with Episode One is that it can't quite be Star Wars. There are simply too many limiting factors. We can't have a fight against an evil Empire, because it has to be set during the Republic when things are great. So, Lucas had to come up with an excuse for why a smaller, ill-equipped group of good guys would need to fight with a larger and better equipped force. Star Wars established that the Death Star was a new thing that took time to create, so we have to think of something else that can be blown up by a plucky kid from Tattooine in a small fighter craft. Darth Vader doesn't exist yet, so we need some other Sith Lord that can kill a wise Jedi master in a lightsaber duel. Let's not forget that we all need a princess of some sort to be rescued from the bad guys and we'll have to find a kid from Tattooine who dreams of something beyond his life in the middle of nowhere and a good looking male character who snarks a bit and some comic relief and... you see where I'm going with this right? The end result is a great big mess of a story that never quite works.
Honestly, it's exhausting to try to think about just how much is wrong with Episode One. All the same, I still don't entirely hate it. Of the three prequel films, it's the one I find the most watchable. It's the only one that I will put on when it comes on cable, which is actually how I ended up watching all three movies over the weekend. I got drawn in by the first one and then figured I might as well sit through all three. The thing is, if we take Episode One on its own, ignoring the additional things we learn in the next two films, it kind of makes sense.
Okay, so the Republic is more like a confederacy or a big United Nations with teeth. We know they have some rules that everyone has to follow (no slaves allowed) and they can levy taxes because the title crawl tells us that the Trade Federation is pissed about new taxes. So, the trade guys want to make some sort of point about the taxes, and somehow they get hooked up with Palpatine (look, we all know it's Palpatine because we know who the emperor is and who plays him from the other movies, so there's no point in calling this a mystery) who tells them to blockade Naboo. Naboo is some planet on the ass end of the galaxy that doesn't have an army and their leader is a 14-year-old girl who doesn't have a clue what she's doing because she's 14. This kind of makes sense. The blockade will force the Senate to take action.
Needless to say, Palpatine is evil and doesn't actually give a crap about the Trade Federation or their problems. He figures that they're morons and he's going to use this situation to manipulate Queen Amidala into asking for a vote of "no confidence" in the Chancellor when he refuses to declare open war on the Trade Federation. You see, wars kind of suck, so chances are that the Chancellor is going to send a fact-finding mission or seek some peaceful solution to the blockade. Besides, the whole thing sounds pretty insane anyway, and Naboo doesn't look like planet in desperate need of supplies. Now, if it was Tattooine, things would be different. That planet is a freakin' desert. They need stuff.
So, the blockade gets set up and the Chancellor sends a couple of Jedi Knights to have a chat with the Trade Federation. The Federation guys take this to mean that they are about to get their asses kicked because if that wasn't the plan, why not send negotiators or senators instead of warriors who carry lightsabers at all times? Palpatine says to kill the Jedi immediately, which tips off the Jedi that something is up. So they manage to escape. They rescue the queen but they get held up on their way to Coruscant when some part gets damaged. So, they stop on Tattooine where they meet a boy who dreams of being a pilot and develops a crush on the queen the minute he sees her. They get the part and take the boy with them to train him as a Jedi. Oh crap... this is Star Wars. This movie is freaking Star Wars.
But hey, we all liked Star Wars, right? So maybe it's really not all that bad. The basic plot would sort of work. Some of the events are re-ordered a bit, so it isn't a total rehash. We know that the Senate isn't going to fix the blockade, so everyone goes back to Naboo. Meanwhile, Palpatine has a Sith Lord on the case to deal with the two Jedi Knights. They get to Naboo and the queen leads a small group into the throne room while the two Jedi fight with the Sith Lord and the wise mentor is killed while the boy from Tattooine somehow flies his fighter into a small space where he manages to shoot a thing that blows up a thing that effectively curtails the enemy's power and then we have a victory ceremony. We liked all that stuff in Star Wars, didn't we?
Well, things were different in Star Wars. For one thing, they didn't take nearly so long...
To be continued...
Okay, so by the time Episode One was released, there were truckloads of Star Wars novels and comics and visual guides out there. If none of them told a prequel story, then I'm willing to bet that fanfic authors were happy to fill in those gaps. I'm sure someone wrote the adventures of Yoda, Obi Wan and probably Anakin as well. By the time Lucas started writing, he couldn't help pissing off some fans no matter what he wrote, even if it was really really good. We all had our own ideas about Star Wars, and nearly 25 years to obsess over them. I remember when they announced that the film was being made and I honestly couldn't begin to imagine what the story would be like because there were so many potential ways it could have gone. Ultimately, Lucas decided to use the prequels as an excuse to remake the original three Star Wars movies, and that, in my opinion, is the real problem. These aren't new stories. These are old stories, only this time Luke gets the girl and then turns evil and falls into some lava.
And the effects are all digital because making Star Wars was such a pain in the ass that this time Lucas decided to film everything on sound stages so he would never have to deal with the challenges of filming on location.
The problem with Episode One is that it can't quite be Star Wars. There are simply too many limiting factors. We can't have a fight against an evil Empire, because it has to be set during the Republic when things are great. So, Lucas had to come up with an excuse for why a smaller, ill-equipped group of good guys would need to fight with a larger and better equipped force. Star Wars established that the Death Star was a new thing that took time to create, so we have to think of something else that can be blown up by a plucky kid from Tattooine in a small fighter craft. Darth Vader doesn't exist yet, so we need some other Sith Lord that can kill a wise Jedi master in a lightsaber duel. Let's not forget that we all need a princess of some sort to be rescued from the bad guys and we'll have to find a kid from Tattooine who dreams of something beyond his life in the middle of nowhere and a good looking male character who snarks a bit and some comic relief and... you see where I'm going with this right? The end result is a great big mess of a story that never quite works.
Honestly, it's exhausting to try to think about just how much is wrong with Episode One. All the same, I still don't entirely hate it. Of the three prequel films, it's the one I find the most watchable. It's the only one that I will put on when it comes on cable, which is actually how I ended up watching all three movies over the weekend. I got drawn in by the first one and then figured I might as well sit through all three. The thing is, if we take Episode One on its own, ignoring the additional things we learn in the next two films, it kind of makes sense.
Okay, so the Republic is more like a confederacy or a big United Nations with teeth. We know they have some rules that everyone has to follow (no slaves allowed) and they can levy taxes because the title crawl tells us that the Trade Federation is pissed about new taxes. So, the trade guys want to make some sort of point about the taxes, and somehow they get hooked up with Palpatine (look, we all know it's Palpatine because we know who the emperor is and who plays him from the other movies, so there's no point in calling this a mystery) who tells them to blockade Naboo. Naboo is some planet on the ass end of the galaxy that doesn't have an army and their leader is a 14-year-old girl who doesn't have a clue what she's doing because she's 14. This kind of makes sense. The blockade will force the Senate to take action.
Needless to say, Palpatine is evil and doesn't actually give a crap about the Trade Federation or their problems. He figures that they're morons and he's going to use this situation to manipulate Queen Amidala into asking for a vote of "no confidence" in the Chancellor when he refuses to declare open war on the Trade Federation. You see, wars kind of suck, so chances are that the Chancellor is going to send a fact-finding mission or seek some peaceful solution to the blockade. Besides, the whole thing sounds pretty insane anyway, and Naboo doesn't look like planet in desperate need of supplies. Now, if it was Tattooine, things would be different. That planet is a freakin' desert. They need stuff.
So, the blockade gets set up and the Chancellor sends a couple of Jedi Knights to have a chat with the Trade Federation. The Federation guys take this to mean that they are about to get their asses kicked because if that wasn't the plan, why not send negotiators or senators instead of warriors who carry lightsabers at all times? Palpatine says to kill the Jedi immediately, which tips off the Jedi that something is up. So they manage to escape. They rescue the queen but they get held up on their way to Coruscant when some part gets damaged. So, they stop on Tattooine where they meet a boy who dreams of being a pilot and develops a crush on the queen the minute he sees her. They get the part and take the boy with them to train him as a Jedi. Oh crap... this is Star Wars. This movie is freaking Star Wars.
But hey, we all liked Star Wars, right? So maybe it's really not all that bad. The basic plot would sort of work. Some of the events are re-ordered a bit, so it isn't a total rehash. We know that the Senate isn't going to fix the blockade, so everyone goes back to Naboo. Meanwhile, Palpatine has a Sith Lord on the case to deal with the two Jedi Knights. They get to Naboo and the queen leads a small group into the throne room while the two Jedi fight with the Sith Lord and the wise mentor is killed while the boy from Tattooine somehow flies his fighter into a small space where he manages to shoot a thing that blows up a thing that effectively curtails the enemy's power and then we have a victory ceremony. We liked all that stuff in Star Wars, didn't we?
Well, things were different in Star Wars. For one thing, they didn't take nearly so long...
To be continued...