(no subject)
I've been a Star Wars geek since I saw the very first film as a little kid. I bought the toys. I read the books. I knew all the names of the creatures in the cantina bar on Tattooine among other geekish things. After seeing the first film, I also had a vague idea of the back story:
Once upon a time, Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi were all Jedi knights and friends. Obi Wan probably was the older, more experienced Jedi because Vader mentions that Obi Wan was a master while Vader was a learner. Then Vader went all douchebag and joined the empire. Some big ass war called the "Clone Wars" happens and the upshot was that all the Jedi died, everyone not dead went home to whatever crappy planet they came from and Emperor Palpatine took over. I assumed that both Kenobi and Skywalker came from Tattooine but the Skywalker family was pretty ticked over the whole death thing so they didn't hang with Kenobi. Or possibly, Kenobi was in hiding and didn't want to hang around anyone. It seemed like the attitude was "The Jedi were a bunch of nutjobs who got themselves dead, so don't you get involved in any of that crazy."
You can figure that everything in A New Hope (also known as JUST PLAIN STAR WARS) went down because you had a bunch of people who were connected to Tattooine. Skywalker's family was there. Kenobi was there. Princess Leia was headed there to find Kenobi. The Empire attack on her vessel happened right around Tattooine.
And you would think that if Darth Vader came from goddamn Tattooine that he would be smart enough to say "Hmmm... well, that's odd. Why are these rebels cruising out here on the ass end of the galaxy where I used to live? There's a coinkydink right there. Hmmmm..." Does he have selective memory loss? Does he suck at using the Force? You would think that he'd have some pretty specific questions to ask once that torture droid gets cranked up. No, must stop, getting ahead of myself.
The thing is, that original back story would be a pretty good movie. You'd have some development between the characters with a backdrop of some big war. We'd see them start off as idealists before one ends up evil, and another ends up dead and the third ends up alive and pretty messed up in the head. We could meet their families and we'd feel terrible about the way these events affect everyone because, at this point, we know Anakin Skywalker had kids and have no reason to think that Obi Wan Kenobi might not have lost a family in the wars. Jedi are warriors, but they're people too. Not creepy Vulcan monks.
So, Empire Strikes Back happens and we find out that Vader and Anakin Skywalker are the same person and despite the fact that he's pretty much been in the same room with his son, Vader only just realized about it right now. And this was totally planned by Lucas from the beginning you guys. Vader never mentioned Tattooine and all that because it slipped his mind. And it also slipped Obi Wan's mind or something.
So, our back story is that Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were friends and Obi Wan was the older of the two and probably the smarter since when Anakin (now Vader) killed him, he was practically saying "HA HA!" Anakin had a family or maybe he raped somebody. Who knows. There were some Clone Wars happening and things were harsh. Or something. Somehow or other, though, a woman got pregnant and had his baby and gave it his name and he never followed up on any Skywalkers because he was too busy being evil or flat out didn't care. Actually, I think the didn't care angle is the better one. Luke was pretty much useless until he was proven to have mad Jedi skills and only then did Vader decide that he ought to give a crap.
And then Return of the Jedi happened and Princess Leia turns out to be Luke's twin sister. Wait, WHAT??? They've been setting up a love triangle for two films with Luke kinda mushing on Leia while she bitches out Han Solo over and over and now she's his sister. Ew.
Fine.
Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were friends. Anakin got some chick pregnant then turned evil and became a deadbeat dad. He didn't mention any of this to anyone because he didn't want to pay child support. And there was a Clone War at some point. Then A New Hope happened.
Okay, I'm being harsh. We still have a story and it's a story that can work.
Once upon a time, Obi Wan Kenobi was a wily and experienced Jedi. Anakin Skywalker was his younger buddy who was not as experienced or wily. Both of them fought in the Clone Wars, which probably messed things up right royal in the Republic. During this time, Anakin Skywalker had a relationship that resulted in twins. One twin was sent to Alderaan and the other to Tattooine, so we'll assume that perhaps dad was from Tattooine and mom was from Alderaan. It would make sense, right? For one reason or another, Anakin Skywalker is seduced by the dark side and severs connections with all his old friends when he becomes Darth Vader. He hunts down Jedi until no one is left but Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda who are off in hiding and presumably not doing Jedi stuff so that Vader has every reason to believe that they're dead. He no longer has a use for his family, so Tattooine is a big pile of who cares to him. Now we have a basic plot for our prequels. Let's see what happens in Episode One: Attack of the Clones (now in 3D because god knows that never gets old.)
Once upon a time, Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi were all Jedi knights and friends. Obi Wan probably was the older, more experienced Jedi because Vader mentions that Obi Wan was a master while Vader was a learner. Then Vader went all douchebag and joined the empire. Some big ass war called the "Clone Wars" happens and the upshot was that all the Jedi died, everyone not dead went home to whatever crappy planet they came from and Emperor Palpatine took over. I assumed that both Kenobi and Skywalker came from Tattooine but the Skywalker family was pretty ticked over the whole death thing so they didn't hang with Kenobi. Or possibly, Kenobi was in hiding and didn't want to hang around anyone. It seemed like the attitude was "The Jedi were a bunch of nutjobs who got themselves dead, so don't you get involved in any of that crazy."
You can figure that everything in A New Hope (also known as JUST PLAIN STAR WARS) went down because you had a bunch of people who were connected to Tattooine. Skywalker's family was there. Kenobi was there. Princess Leia was headed there to find Kenobi. The Empire attack on her vessel happened right around Tattooine.
And you would think that if Darth Vader came from goddamn Tattooine that he would be smart enough to say "Hmmm... well, that's odd. Why are these rebels cruising out here on the ass end of the galaxy where I used to live? There's a coinkydink right there. Hmmmm..." Does he have selective memory loss? Does he suck at using the Force? You would think that he'd have some pretty specific questions to ask once that torture droid gets cranked up. No, must stop, getting ahead of myself.
The thing is, that original back story would be a pretty good movie. You'd have some development between the characters with a backdrop of some big war. We'd see them start off as idealists before one ends up evil, and another ends up dead and the third ends up alive and pretty messed up in the head. We could meet their families and we'd feel terrible about the way these events affect everyone because, at this point, we know Anakin Skywalker had kids and have no reason to think that Obi Wan Kenobi might not have lost a family in the wars. Jedi are warriors, but they're people too. Not creepy Vulcan monks.
So, Empire Strikes Back happens and we find out that Vader and Anakin Skywalker are the same person and despite the fact that he's pretty much been in the same room with his son, Vader only just realized about it right now. And this was totally planned by Lucas from the beginning you guys. Vader never mentioned Tattooine and all that because it slipped his mind. And it also slipped Obi Wan's mind or something.
So, our back story is that Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were friends and Obi Wan was the older of the two and probably the smarter since when Anakin (now Vader) killed him, he was practically saying "HA HA!" Anakin had a family or maybe he raped somebody. Who knows. There were some Clone Wars happening and things were harsh. Or something. Somehow or other, though, a woman got pregnant and had his baby and gave it his name and he never followed up on any Skywalkers because he was too busy being evil or flat out didn't care. Actually, I think the didn't care angle is the better one. Luke was pretty much useless until he was proven to have mad Jedi skills and only then did Vader decide that he ought to give a crap.
And then Return of the Jedi happened and Princess Leia turns out to be Luke's twin sister. Wait, WHAT??? They've been setting up a love triangle for two films with Luke kinda mushing on Leia while she bitches out Han Solo over and over and now she's his sister. Ew.
Fine.
Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were friends. Anakin got some chick pregnant then turned evil and became a deadbeat dad. He didn't mention any of this to anyone because he didn't want to pay child support. And there was a Clone War at some point. Then A New Hope happened.
Okay, I'm being harsh. We still have a story and it's a story that can work.
Once upon a time, Obi Wan Kenobi was a wily and experienced Jedi. Anakin Skywalker was his younger buddy who was not as experienced or wily. Both of them fought in the Clone Wars, which probably messed things up right royal in the Republic. During this time, Anakin Skywalker had a relationship that resulted in twins. One twin was sent to Alderaan and the other to Tattooine, so we'll assume that perhaps dad was from Tattooine and mom was from Alderaan. It would make sense, right? For one reason or another, Anakin Skywalker is seduced by the dark side and severs connections with all his old friends when he becomes Darth Vader. He hunts down Jedi until no one is left but Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda who are off in hiding and presumably not doing Jedi stuff so that Vader has every reason to believe that they're dead. He no longer has a use for his family, so Tattooine is a big pile of who cares to him. Now we have a basic plot for our prequels. Let's see what happens in Episode One: Attack of the Clones (now in 3D because god knows that never gets old.)