La Boheme Abridged for Today's Audience: Act II
ACT II
On the opposite side of the barricade from Les Mis where they have plenty of empty chairs at empty tables
The chorus: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
(No, look in the score, they actually sing "Ah!")
Schaunard: This trumpet sucks. I'll take it!
Colline: *is only here so he can help Schaunard set up chairs*
The Children's Chorus: Parpingol FTW!
Mimi: My new pink bonnet is the awesome!
Rodolfo: I've only just met you, but I love you like woah!
*Schaunard and Colline set up chairs for everyone, including Mimi because they somehow just knew that she'd be there*
Rodolfo: This my new girlfriend, who will be our BFF from now on!
*they all sit down to order food*
Rodolfo: Isn't love awesome?
Mimi: Love is so totally awesome.
Marcello: Love stinks!
Mimi: What's his problem?
Schaunard: He's just pissed off because his slutty, on-again, off-again girlfriend dumped him. Yet again.
Marcello: No, I'm over it. Really. Way over it. Let's have a toast.
* Musetta enters with Alcindoro *
Musetta: Hi, peeps!
*The orchestra plays some music that is not Musetta's famous aria*
Marcello: MARCELLO SMASH!!!!!!!!
Schaunard: So. Not. Over. It.
Musetta: *Sings I'm too sexy for my famous aria! *
*Because Musetta is too sexy for her famous aria, that other music you heard a minute ago will be her theme of thematicness*
Marcello: Kill me now.
Musetta: You know you love it.
Schaunard: It's true, he loves it.
Mimi: ZOMG Musetta and Marcello, OTP!
* Marcello and Musetta hook up again*
Alcindoro: Hello? I'm still right here!
Musetta: Not for long... I mean, AAAAAAAUGH!! Something to do with my shoe!
*Marcello starts singing Musetta's aria while she bitches about her shoe, because she's too sexy for this reprise*
*Alcindoro leaves to deal with the shoe*
Schaunard: Remember all that money I had in the last act?
Colline: What about it?
Schaunard: Apparently, I don't have it now.
Musetta: Never mind, that guy I came in with is paying for it all.
* Musetta gets picked up and carried off stage because, despite having walked around without her shoe for the last five pages, she can't walk now*
Students: Musetta FTW!
Chorus: *waves* *sings* *rejoices*
Curtain
On the opposite side of the barricade from Les Mis where they have plenty of empty chairs at empty tables
The chorus: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
(No, look in the score, they actually sing "Ah!")
Schaunard: This trumpet sucks. I'll take it!
Colline: *is only here so he can help Schaunard set up chairs*
The Children's Chorus: Parpingol FTW!
Mimi: My new pink bonnet is the awesome!
Rodolfo: I've only just met you, but I love you like woah!
*Schaunard and Colline set up chairs for everyone, including Mimi because they somehow just knew that she'd be there*
Rodolfo: This my new girlfriend, who will be our BFF from now on!
*they all sit down to order food*
Rodolfo: Isn't love awesome?
Mimi: Love is so totally awesome.
Marcello: Love stinks!
Mimi: What's his problem?
Schaunard: He's just pissed off because his slutty, on-again, off-again girlfriend dumped him. Yet again.
Marcello: No, I'm over it. Really. Way over it. Let's have a toast.
* Musetta enters with Alcindoro *
Musetta: Hi, peeps!
*The orchestra plays some music that is not Musetta's famous aria*
Marcello: MARCELLO SMASH!!!!!!!!
Schaunard: So. Not. Over. It.
Musetta: *Sings I'm too sexy for my famous aria! *
*Because Musetta is too sexy for her famous aria, that other music you heard a minute ago will be her theme of thematicness*
Marcello: Kill me now.
Musetta: You know you love it.
Schaunard: It's true, he loves it.
Mimi: ZOMG Musetta and Marcello, OTP!
* Marcello and Musetta hook up again*
Alcindoro: Hello? I'm still right here!
Musetta: Not for long... I mean, AAAAAAAUGH!! Something to do with my shoe!
*Marcello starts singing Musetta's aria while she bitches about her shoe, because she's too sexy for this reprise*
*Alcindoro leaves to deal with the shoe*
Schaunard: Remember all that money I had in the last act?
Colline: What about it?
Schaunard: Apparently, I don't have it now.
Musetta: Never mind, that guy I came in with is paying for it all.
* Musetta gets picked up and carried off stage because, despite having walked around without her shoe for the last five pages, she can't walk now*
Students: Musetta FTW!
Chorus: *waves* *sings* *rejoices*
Curtain