Feeling No Pain - One Month Out of Hell
Leaving London, it was late in the evening and I could see the city's seams marked out by light. Dozens upon dozens of arms extending from dozens upon dozens of circles glowing against the black earth - the scorched earth I'd walked and watched laid to waste.
Sleeplessness flickered with bad films spilt from the backs of seats, with fragments of philosophy books and songs, roaring punk or gentle somnolence creaking from a dying battery.
I sleptwalk through the airport at Seoul for an hour, a bad dream of duty free and a smouldering thicket of storm clouds drifting by the huge glass corridors of the great listless in-between. I collapsed in a departure lounge seat and inflicted Agamben on my red-eyes and drowsy head, the words swimming in the time of the now, a floating sea of sensation unmoored from any linear flow.
As I was lowered into Sydney I was falling through a red sky ringing the morning. This soldier took his warning and braced himself against the jet-lag, uncertainty and fear. I fell out of customs where my parents waited with Coffee, walking through a stretch of rain falling steadily over Sydney, buying new clothes to replace the flotsam and jetsam hoiked in fear of weight restrictions before returning. And I slept and woke, slept and woke, still spinning outside of routine time, and spinning for a good week or so.
And since then ...
And since then I've found work rather quickly. This is a good thing, for obvious reasons. As I'm staying with friends this is helping me save on rent and put something away for furniture and fitting my new place out when I do move on. It's been very generous of the friends I'm staying with given they're paying off a mortgage and in the first few months of expecting. The work itself is pretty unchallenging, but it's very passable money for what it is, which helps with the New Apartment war chest, and is helping tide me over until I find something I'd actually like to be doing every day.
It's been quite uneventful otherwise. I've not gotten out much and money's not such that I can travel to visit my family (new jobs don't help with the leave situation either - you don't have any). This is a bit upsetting, as my Nana's been unwell of late and it's been over 18 months since I've seen her or my granddad and I do worry about them and am pretty hard on myself for not seeing them enough. I've begun saving for a ticket back there at the soonest opportunity. On the more immediate front, I've a ticket to see Mark Kozelek next Friday. I've been frustrated on three separate occasions when I've had an opportunity to see him, so barring calamity number four, I'll finally get to see one of my very favourite artists, which is exciting, although I haven't let myself enjoy that yet (and given there's the possibility he might be the truculent cranky-pants that turned out last time he was in Sydney, I'll approach things with a bit of caution). A fortnight later Clue To Kalo play as well, so August looks like it might be an enjoyable month.
As far as feet-finding time is concerned it's going okay. I do still want to get out of peoples' hair and have my own place where I can only annoy myself and neighbours whose level of annoyance is of little concern to me. Sydney's changed so little that I really have just slipped back into the flow of things. This, as I said, is quite good for settling back in. However, part of The London Resolution of 2008 was that I would use this as an opportunity to change things, which is something I've got to keep in my sights as I'm putting my life here back together, even if it isn't the Humpty Dumpty I'd feared before I left to come home.
Sleeplessness flickered with bad films spilt from the backs of seats, with fragments of philosophy books and songs, roaring punk or gentle somnolence creaking from a dying battery.
I sleptwalk through the airport at Seoul for an hour, a bad dream of duty free and a smouldering thicket of storm clouds drifting by the huge glass corridors of the great listless in-between. I collapsed in a departure lounge seat and inflicted Agamben on my red-eyes and drowsy head, the words swimming in the time of the now, a floating sea of sensation unmoored from any linear flow.
As I was lowered into Sydney I was falling through a red sky ringing the morning. This soldier took his warning and braced himself against the jet-lag, uncertainty and fear. I fell out of customs where my parents waited with Coffee, walking through a stretch of rain falling steadily over Sydney, buying new clothes to replace the flotsam and jetsam hoiked in fear of weight restrictions before returning. And I slept and woke, slept and woke, still spinning outside of routine time, and spinning for a good week or so.
And since then ...
And since then I've found work rather quickly. This is a good thing, for obvious reasons. As I'm staying with friends this is helping me save on rent and put something away for furniture and fitting my new place out when I do move on. It's been very generous of the friends I'm staying with given they're paying off a mortgage and in the first few months of expecting. The work itself is pretty unchallenging, but it's very passable money for what it is, which helps with the New Apartment war chest, and is helping tide me over until I find something I'd actually like to be doing every day.
It's been quite uneventful otherwise. I've not gotten out much and money's not such that I can travel to visit my family (new jobs don't help with the leave situation either - you don't have any). This is a bit upsetting, as my Nana's been unwell of late and it's been over 18 months since I've seen her or my granddad and I do worry about them and am pretty hard on myself for not seeing them enough. I've begun saving for a ticket back there at the soonest opportunity. On the more immediate front, I've a ticket to see Mark Kozelek next Friday. I've been frustrated on three separate occasions when I've had an opportunity to see him, so barring calamity number four, I'll finally get to see one of my very favourite artists, which is exciting, although I haven't let myself enjoy that yet (and given there's the possibility he might be the truculent cranky-pants that turned out last time he was in Sydney, I'll approach things with a bit of caution). A fortnight later Clue To Kalo play as well, so August looks like it might be an enjoyable month.
As far as feet-finding time is concerned it's going okay. I do still want to get out of peoples' hair and have my own place where I can only annoy myself and neighbours whose level of annoyance is of little concern to me. Sydney's changed so little that I really have just slipped back into the flow of things. This, as I said, is quite good for settling back in. However, part of The London Resolution of 2008 was that I would use this as an opportunity to change things, which is something I've got to keep in my sights as I'm putting my life here back together, even if it isn't the Humpty Dumpty I'd feared before I left to come home.