RL-Posting
I have to get rid of something with bothers me very much so if you don't wanna hear my ramblings and concerns about my son you shouldn't read this.
My son is six years old now. The first months with him weren't easy. He was no crybaby but unsatisfied the whole time and emotionally mostly unaccessible. This changed when he found his feet very early and by his own motivation. But somehow he stayed different - in his ways to interact with others, his ways to play. There was always a significant disparity between his social/ emotional development and his cognitive skills.
In the kindergarten it diverges more and more. He makes no particular problems, the pre-school teachers are always content. On the contrary he is often the one to carry along the other boys to draw and tinker. But he always lives in his own world. He didn't chose his friends, they choose him and cultivate a friendship. He keeps the contact when it comes to his skills and interests. Beyond that he clams up most of the time. Carrying out a conversation is only possible when he's prepared to do so, not spontaneous. On the street he uses to hide behind my back when we meet a friend of him just to avoid the greeting and talking despite the fact that he has a very large vocabulary and eloquence.
It is very hard to describe because his behaviour is very complex and doesn't fit into a particular scheme. I would have appreciated to find a definition so I could have got tips how to deal with him, not only with his skills and deficits but also the increasing problems at home: He escapes more and more from all attempts to educate and control him. Sometimes I have the feeling that he just didn't understand what we are saying or even feeling, that we didn't reach him even though all hearing tests were okay. He can be the most communicative and receptive child ever but sometimes he stays hidden in a shell.
Recently his doctor asked him about his birthday. He blew out his cheeks, stared at the ceiling and thought about it for almost minutes. I was really annoyed cause he knew his birthday of course. Suddenly he said: „Three weeks and two days ago.“ Needless to say that he was correct. But weird to calculate it instead of just saying the date. On a seperate occasion he caught me crying on the couch because we had a terrible fight and I was stressed and just needed a break. He asked if I had chopped onions. I explained to him that I was sad. He couldn't deal with that, showed no comfort, no compassion, just ignored it. He could connect tears with onions but not with emotions. This is how he works.
His occupational therapist noticed that his math skills are on a second class school niveau but also hints of behaviors which are typical for Asperger syndrome. He gave us the advise to consult a psychologist just to be sure. My husband and I approved.
So here we are after eight appointments with my son and one final discussion.
Actually the psychologists evaluation was no surprise: He affirmed my sons cleverness and his emotional and social deficits. He even mentioned some tics. Unfortunately we had no time to discuss the reasons for being backward in development or the closeness to Asperger. He said I just have to take care that he can't hide anymore behind my back so he has to go outside and deal with his surroundings. Easier said than done cause when I push him quasi outside he hides under his cover of refusal, shyness and babyspeech. Moreover we should interprete children's books with him so he can learn to understand feelings. But maybe these disorders are just unalterable parts of his personality so the only thing we can do is to prepare him for life in the best way possible.
And such disorders are not unusual for a child with his intelligence quotient which is 125 (!) according to some tests the psychologist made with him. He said he „scratches at a intellectual giftedness (Hochbegabung)“ but is at least outstanding talented (überdurchschnittlich begabt).
I knew my son is clever but this is way more than expected. Though it is very high but not that uncommon to be concerned about it I am very anxious about the consilience with his social/emotional deficits. He will be absolutely unchallenged in the first classes on intellectual level but he's to backward socially to skip a class. Besides he will hardly show his skills and abilities in a big group not to mention his denial to contact with others sometimes so without a conversation with the class teacher he could fall through. And that's the next problem: How to speak with the teachers without appearing as an ambitious supermother who thinks her child is better than the others and needs more attention? I'm really afraid that he will be an outsider in class, unable to interact properly, bored from the lessons, defiant at home.
How can I help and support him? I'm really confused at the moment and the fact that my husband and I live seperated at the moment doesn't make it easier. I have a few answers now but even more questions.
I'm really grateful that I can use this network to share some of my thoughts and concerns.
My son is six years old now. The first months with him weren't easy. He was no crybaby but unsatisfied the whole time and emotionally mostly unaccessible. This changed when he found his feet very early and by his own motivation. But somehow he stayed different - in his ways to interact with others, his ways to play. There was always a significant disparity between his social/ emotional development and his cognitive skills.
In the kindergarten it diverges more and more. He makes no particular problems, the pre-school teachers are always content. On the contrary he is often the one to carry along the other boys to draw and tinker. But he always lives in his own world. He didn't chose his friends, they choose him and cultivate a friendship. He keeps the contact when it comes to his skills and interests. Beyond that he clams up most of the time. Carrying out a conversation is only possible when he's prepared to do so, not spontaneous. On the street he uses to hide behind my back when we meet a friend of him just to avoid the greeting and talking despite the fact that he has a very large vocabulary and eloquence.
It is very hard to describe because his behaviour is very complex and doesn't fit into a particular scheme. I would have appreciated to find a definition so I could have got tips how to deal with him, not only with his skills and deficits but also the increasing problems at home: He escapes more and more from all attempts to educate and control him. Sometimes I have the feeling that he just didn't understand what we are saying or even feeling, that we didn't reach him even though all hearing tests were okay. He can be the most communicative and receptive child ever but sometimes he stays hidden in a shell.
Recently his doctor asked him about his birthday. He blew out his cheeks, stared at the ceiling and thought about it for almost minutes. I was really annoyed cause he knew his birthday of course. Suddenly he said: „Three weeks and two days ago.“ Needless to say that he was correct. But weird to calculate it instead of just saying the date. On a seperate occasion he caught me crying on the couch because we had a terrible fight and I was stressed and just needed a break. He asked if I had chopped onions. I explained to him that I was sad. He couldn't deal with that, showed no comfort, no compassion, just ignored it. He could connect tears with onions but not with emotions. This is how he works.
His occupational therapist noticed that his math skills are on a second class school niveau but also hints of behaviors which are typical for Asperger syndrome. He gave us the advise to consult a psychologist just to be sure. My husband and I approved.
So here we are after eight appointments with my son and one final discussion.
Actually the psychologists evaluation was no surprise: He affirmed my sons cleverness and his emotional and social deficits. He even mentioned some tics. Unfortunately we had no time to discuss the reasons for being backward in development or the closeness to Asperger. He said I just have to take care that he can't hide anymore behind my back so he has to go outside and deal with his surroundings. Easier said than done cause when I push him quasi outside he hides under his cover of refusal, shyness and babyspeech. Moreover we should interprete children's books with him so he can learn to understand feelings. But maybe these disorders are just unalterable parts of his personality so the only thing we can do is to prepare him for life in the best way possible.
And such disorders are not unusual for a child with his intelligence quotient which is 125 (!) according to some tests the psychologist made with him. He said he „scratches at a intellectual giftedness (Hochbegabung)“ but is at least outstanding talented (überdurchschnittlich begabt).
I knew my son is clever but this is way more than expected. Though it is very high but not that uncommon to be concerned about it I am very anxious about the consilience with his social/emotional deficits. He will be absolutely unchallenged in the first classes on intellectual level but he's to backward socially to skip a class. Besides he will hardly show his skills and abilities in a big group not to mention his denial to contact with others sometimes so without a conversation with the class teacher he could fall through. And that's the next problem: How to speak with the teachers without appearing as an ambitious supermother who thinks her child is better than the others and needs more attention? I'm really afraid that he will be an outsider in class, unable to interact properly, bored from the lessons, defiant at home.
How can I help and support him? I'm really confused at the moment and the fact that my husband and I live seperated at the moment doesn't make it easier. I have a few answers now but even more questions.
I'm really grateful that I can use this network to share some of my thoughts and concerns.