My Downfall...
"Fear in me so deep it gets the best of me,
In the fear I fall, here it comes face to face with me,
Here I stand hold back so no one can see,
I feel these wounds, step down, step down,
step down."
It's a common thing to know that one's self is the only thing one fears... It's more common still to realize for what reasons. But to be utterly petrified by your own lack of self, your own inability to be worth being feared... that is not altogether common. And so, instead of throwing myself bodily into the arms of those who have provided succor once before, I withdraw, held back and away, denying any advances of assistance or amelioration.
"(Am I) Breaking Down
Can I break away
Push me away, make me fall,
Just to see, another side of me,
Push me away, you can see,
what I see, the other side of me."
And just when you find that you've hit the ground hardest, your bones turned to dust from the impact, your world sent reeling, and then shattering around you... That's when you come to some stark realizations about yourself. Trouble is, when the pieces are picked up again, and you start putting everything back together... you find that the only one you're missing is your place. You realize yourself for what you are, and more importantly, for what you are not. You owe them nothing, they owe you less... Perspective can be a horrifying thing.
"Fall back on me, and I’ll be the strength I need,
to save me now, just come face to face with me,
stay in place you'll be the first to see, me heal these wounds,
step down, step down, step down, down."
And so you turn to yourself, for you are the only piece of that shattered world that you can empathize with. You adopt a "Me against the world" attitude, until you realize the scariest part... The world doesn't care enough to fight you. You would battle them, tooth and nail, but to what end? They won't fight, and you won't get anywhere. And then, those from your shattered world return to you, building a new picture around your fragment... and you're forced to crawl into your dark corner, lick your wounds, and wonder whether or not this new paradise can last.
"I’m not breaking, down
can I break away
push me away, make me fall,
just to see another side of me,
push me away you can see,
what I see, the other side of me
Go!"
And so you refuse to die. You refuse to be destroyed. You refuse all of these things based solely on the principal that you will not be a rug any longer. You start a cycle of self-sufficiency. You don't go to those who care for you, or who you've professed to trust... not anymore. Their council no longer holds the weight it once did. You are all you have, in the end. Number one.
"No one can see anything on the other side of me
I walk, I crawl, losing everything and waiting for the downfall
No one can see everything on the other side of me
I walk, I crawl loosing everything on the downfall.
Downfall,"
It's all a great idea. And maybe it'll work. But what you have to remember is that these people are around you for a reason. I have to remember that. Why am I consistantly withdrawing from those around me? I've developed a super-hero complex, whereupon I am more than willing to take the weight of my friend's problems from them... but the moment the load I bear becomes too heavy, and they endeavour to assist me, I lash out with whatever strength I have left, compromising my tenuous hold on the world strapped to my back, and costing me more than I've gained in the action. I have no right to demand trust from those around me... and by the same token, I refuse to trust anyone in kind. They are a few... a very special few.
"Fall."
In the fear I fall, here it comes face to face with me,
Here I stand hold back so no one can see,
I feel these wounds, step down, step down,
step down."
It's a common thing to know that one's self is the only thing one fears... It's more common still to realize for what reasons. But to be utterly petrified by your own lack of self, your own inability to be worth being feared... that is not altogether common. And so, instead of throwing myself bodily into the arms of those who have provided succor once before, I withdraw, held back and away, denying any advances of assistance or amelioration.
"(Am I) Breaking Down
Can I break away
Push me away, make me fall,
Just to see, another side of me,
Push me away, you can see,
what I see, the other side of me."
And just when you find that you've hit the ground hardest, your bones turned to dust from the impact, your world sent reeling, and then shattering around you... That's when you come to some stark realizations about yourself. Trouble is, when the pieces are picked up again, and you start putting everything back together... you find that the only one you're missing is your place. You realize yourself for what you are, and more importantly, for what you are not. You owe them nothing, they owe you less... Perspective can be a horrifying thing.
"Fall back on me, and I’ll be the strength I need,
to save me now, just come face to face with me,
stay in place you'll be the first to see, me heal these wounds,
step down, step down, step down, down."
And so you turn to yourself, for you are the only piece of that shattered world that you can empathize with. You adopt a "Me against the world" attitude, until you realize the scariest part... The world doesn't care enough to fight you. You would battle them, tooth and nail, but to what end? They won't fight, and you won't get anywhere. And then, those from your shattered world return to you, building a new picture around your fragment... and you're forced to crawl into your dark corner, lick your wounds, and wonder whether or not this new paradise can last.
"I’m not breaking, down
can I break away
push me away, make me fall,
just to see another side of me,
push me away you can see,
what I see, the other side of me
Go!"
And so you refuse to die. You refuse to be destroyed. You refuse all of these things based solely on the principal that you will not be a rug any longer. You start a cycle of self-sufficiency. You don't go to those who care for you, or who you've professed to trust... not anymore. Their council no longer holds the weight it once did. You are all you have, in the end. Number one.
"No one can see anything on the other side of me
I walk, I crawl, losing everything and waiting for the downfall
No one can see everything on the other side of me
I walk, I crawl loosing everything on the downfall.
Downfall,"
It's all a great idea. And maybe it'll work. But what you have to remember is that these people are around you for a reason. I have to remember that. Why am I consistantly withdrawing from those around me? I've developed a super-hero complex, whereupon I am more than willing to take the weight of my friend's problems from them... but the moment the load I bear becomes too heavy, and they endeavour to assist me, I lash out with whatever strength I have left, compromising my tenuous hold on the world strapped to my back, and costing me more than I've gained in the action. I have no right to demand trust from those around me... and by the same token, I refuse to trust anyone in kind. They are a few... a very special few.
"Fall."