01. [Voice]

[tyrannicalcoach]

Here is the deal, little town called Mayfield. Little squirt that lives here told me that I need to talk on a phone to contact anyone. I am the one Sue Sylvester, please, no autographs. I hear that there is a serious lack of cheer leading squads here in this puny little town. So, in order to be ahead of the game and take the title of 'best squad',

Comments

[weaponsparked]

... A flaming... what now?

[tyrannicalcoach]

Flaming homosexual. The gays are good for my squad, can trust them around my girls without getting them knocked up.

[weaponsparked]

... All right, let's pretend, for a moment, that I've absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Because I don't.

Care to provide an explanation that isn't riddled with slang?

[tyrannicalcoach]

Alright, so you want the idiots explanation. I need young adults that can perform, aka dance, cheer and possibly do flips for a cheer-leading squad. Girls preferred, only gay men please.

[He cannot see this, but she is gesturing as she speaks.]

That better for you?

[weaponsparked]

I understood that much, female.

However, what I want to know is why only emotionally upbeat, cheerful males are preferred.

[tyrannicalcoach]

Because the performances are usually upbeat and cheerful? Not to mention, most of the time, covered in glitter. I don't know many straight men that are willing to do something like that. And if they were, well, I wouldn't consider them straight men.

[weaponsparked]

...

Straight? Humans can be bent?

[tyrannicalcoach]

You say that like you're not a human...

[weaponsparked]

I'm not.

I'm not from your world, I'm not one of you. Blah blah blah.

[tyrannicalcoach]

....

[weaponsparked]

... Hello?

[tyrannicalcoach]

Is....wait what?!?!

[weaponsparked]

... Is what what?

[tyrannicalcoach]

How are you not human?

[weaponsparked]

... I was built as an Autobot soldier several thousand years ago. Then Mayfield decided it wanted me around, and shoved me into a human body.

But I am not human.

[tyrannicalcoach]

Now that is just ridiculous. An Autobot? So you're a robot then. An ancient robot. [She laughs]

Alright well how about this, I'm actually a microwave oven. If you press one of my boobs, I can cook you popcorn at the perfect temperature and time. If ya press my other boob, you get a delicious baked potato.