(no subject)
*cackle* My mom is mad at me right now, I can tell. Just by the way she sits silently downstairs and watches TV. She doesn't look at me or anything; just calmly watches TV. Wanna know why? BECAUSE I'M ON THE COMPUTER AND SHE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. XD! I have a Psyche paper due on Thursday on Emotional Intelligence and I need to do research for it. ON THE COMPUTER. She knows that I'm completely slacking off right now, even though she doesn't have proof, but she can't do anything about it. Because I'm on the computer for school-related reasons. x)
On Thursday at 9:40am I have an orthodontics appointment. So I get to drive to school and then excuse myself. :D
We have to bring in a picture of a childhood memory for American Lit. tomorrow and while I was looking through all the old photo's buried in the boxes in the basement I found three photo's of my dad.
I was shocked. Numb. Happy. Sad.
Everything.
I'd wager that NONE of you know how I feel right now.
It's incredible. I feel like I'm on this pendulum that swings back and forth between emotions, never stopping.
I don't have his phone number, address, I don't know what kind of life he is having right now... if he's happy, if he wonders where I am too, or if he has simply forgotten about me. And up until now, I didn't even know what he looked like.
"Hey mom. Where's dad?"
"Oh, I don't know."
"What's he look like?"
"Oh, I don't know."
"Well, you've got to have a picture of him around here somewhere don't you?"
"Oh, I don't know."
THE SAME FUCKING RESPONSE TO EVERY FUCKING QUESTION.
And the pictures were stuffed so far down in the box, hidden behind so much shit, that she HAD to have known EXACTLY where they were. EXACTLY. She knws EXACTLY what he looks like.
And as I looked at the picture I realized that I look exactly like him. As in, like a clone of him. Same facial features, hair and eye color... same smile, same posture.
So that's when it hit me.
She hasn't been mad at ME. When she says to me "You were a mistake, you never should have happened." I realized that she wasn't talking about ME. She was talking about HIM, through me.
And that made me feel a bit better.
On Thursday at 9:40am I have an orthodontics appointment. So I get to drive to school and then excuse myself. :D
We have to bring in a picture of a childhood memory for American Lit. tomorrow and while I was looking through all the old photo's buried in the boxes in the basement I found three photo's of my dad.
I was shocked. Numb. Happy. Sad.
Everything.
I'd wager that NONE of you know how I feel right now.
It's incredible. I feel like I'm on this pendulum that swings back and forth between emotions, never stopping.
I don't have his phone number, address, I don't know what kind of life he is having right now... if he's happy, if he wonders where I am too, or if he has simply forgotten about me. And up until now, I didn't even know what he looked like.
"Hey mom. Where's dad?"
"Oh, I don't know."
"What's he look like?"
"Oh, I don't know."
"Well, you've got to have a picture of him around here somewhere don't you?"
"Oh, I don't know."
THE SAME FUCKING RESPONSE TO EVERY FUCKING QUESTION.
And the pictures were stuffed so far down in the box, hidden behind so much shit, that she HAD to have known EXACTLY where they were. EXACTLY. She knws EXACTLY what he looks like.
And as I looked at the picture I realized that I look exactly like him. As in, like a clone of him. Same facial features, hair and eye color... same smile, same posture.
So that's when it hit me.
She hasn't been mad at ME. When she says to me "You were a mistake, you never should have happened." I realized that she wasn't talking about ME. She was talking about HIM, through me.
And that made me feel a bit better.