Tired
I'm tired. Very tired, but I keep on pushing and I don't know why. It would seem to some busier folks that maybe I don't do that much, but if they were in my body with the pain and fatigue, they would wonder at the fact that I do anything at all. I just want to lay down and sleep for a hundred years and yet I sleep every night and most of the time I sleep long enough for me. I can't stay in bed for long periods or my body will refuse to work when I arise. I hear people talk about how they can't do this and they can't do that. It's interesting to me what stops most people from really functioning in life. (even me at times). It's the easy way out, to give up and just stop being productive, but I don't want that for myself. I keep trying to find ways to regain the energy and the stamina and the muscle from when I was younger. I know I just need to break down and get an exercise machine that I will really use, like a stationery bicycle. I wish I could just walk. I loved walking when I used to do five miles a day. I was addicted to it. I had crankiness if for some reason I couldn't go out each day and walk. It kind of irritates me that I cannot use that form of exercise anymore. It's simple, requires no equipment and is totally refreshing. I can take little walks around the block and such, but I can't speed walk for exercise anymore. The doctor says NO!
I think I'm just complaining, but I really do miss my vitality. A customer came up to the cage yesterday and it was his 51st birthday and he looked way older than me (but then most people look way older than me...the family curse, for us, is looking young) and he was saying how he doesn't really get the 50 part. In his head he still thinks he is thirty. I told him I know exactly what he meant...in my head I still think I am a teenager and I'm 57. But the body just doesn't go along with it. He was saying how he retired and then took a job as a painter and when he started he could barely make it up the steps and struggled carrying the big ladders. YES! That is what I'm talking about. He said, now he is getting to where it is easier (which gave me hope), but at first he couldn't believe how his muscles were lacking strength. That's how I feel. I used to chop wood, garden, mow, hammer, saw, push, pull, carry and chase around 7 kids and then later lots of other kids and grandkids. I'm not really lazy. At work, I always walk down the hill and back up the hill to and from my car rather than take the van for employees. I still work in my yard, build things, rearrange furniture, tear down and rebuild walls, install sinks and toilets and paint and clean and do laundry, dishes, and general housework. I just do all that slower and with more breaks in between. I just want my old energy back and my old stamina back and the fatigue to go away. I'm tired of feeling tired. Soooooooooooooo....
with that in mind:
1. I'm going to go back to lifting weights every day.
2. I'm going to get serious about getting an exercise bicycle and in the meantime, exercise at least fifteen minutes a day.
3. I'm going to keep a food diary.
4. I'm going to keep an exercise diary.
5. I'm going to start getting monthly or bi-weekly pedicures. (to enable my feet)
6. I'm going to create and maintain a daily goal chart for projects.
Those are my goals and I will let you know if I feel less tired after 3 months. I'm giving myself plenty of time. I can do this. I want to be a productive senior citizen. I want to be able to pick up my new grandson even when he 's three.
I think I'm just complaining, but I really do miss my vitality. A customer came up to the cage yesterday and it was his 51st birthday and he looked way older than me (but then most people look way older than me...the family curse, for us, is looking young) and he was saying how he doesn't really get the 50 part. In his head he still thinks he is thirty. I told him I know exactly what he meant...in my head I still think I am a teenager and I'm 57. But the body just doesn't go along with it. He was saying how he retired and then took a job as a painter and when he started he could barely make it up the steps and struggled carrying the big ladders. YES! That is what I'm talking about. He said, now he is getting to where it is easier (which gave me hope), but at first he couldn't believe how his muscles were lacking strength. That's how I feel. I used to chop wood, garden, mow, hammer, saw, push, pull, carry and chase around 7 kids and then later lots of other kids and grandkids. I'm not really lazy. At work, I always walk down the hill and back up the hill to and from my car rather than take the van for employees. I still work in my yard, build things, rearrange furniture, tear down and rebuild walls, install sinks and toilets and paint and clean and do laundry, dishes, and general housework. I just do all that slower and with more breaks in between. I just want my old energy back and my old stamina back and the fatigue to go away. I'm tired of feeling tired. Soooooooooooooo....
with that in mind:
1. I'm going to go back to lifting weights every day.
2. I'm going to get serious about getting an exercise bicycle and in the meantime, exercise at least fifteen minutes a day.
3. I'm going to keep a food diary.
4. I'm going to keep an exercise diary.
5. I'm going to start getting monthly or bi-weekly pedicures. (to enable my feet)
6. I'm going to create and maintain a daily goal chart for projects.
Those are my goals and I will let you know if I feel less tired after 3 months. I'm giving myself plenty of time. I can do this. I want to be a productive senior citizen. I want to be able to pick up my new grandson even when he 's three.