(no subject)
being home this past winter break made me realize how much of a different person i am now compared to the person who used to live in this bedroom. this room that i've had since the beginning of middle school. it seriously boggles my mind knowing how much i have changed since then. the person then would of NEVER imagined being the person i am. only because the person i am now would of seemed so out of reach to the person then. i used to be really unhappy, but i was always really good at hiding it. i was able to go out and have a smile on that made people believe i was a happy teenage kid. and i mean, for the most part i was. i really had no reason to complain. but for some reason there was always something missing. i wasn't sure what it was at the time, and i don't think i ever will know. but at the time it really messed with my head. but now i've just come to terms with what i have and what i don't have and what i can achieve. and because of that i've become a much happier person. not only that but i'm much more of myself now than i was then. if anyone remembers, i used to be that "goth" chick. it's funny looking back and realizing i used to be just one big cliche. i was your typical teen angst filled kid who went through a dark goth phase. at the time i thought that was who i was, and would get defensive when people would stereotype me. i guess that's naivety at it's finest. but i'm okay with that. i was young. i didn't know any better. but now? i'm 20 years old. i'm attempting to follow my dreams by going to art school without having any clue as to what my future holds, and i'm traveling abroad to fucking ireland in like, 2 days? i NEVER would of imagine that ever happening when i was 16. i remember in high school, during a study hall i wrote this note. just filled with thoughts about how i had no idea what my purpose for living was. at the time i didn't think i was good at anything, and that half my life was wasted because i felt like i had no purpose for being. it's a really depressing note but thats how i felt at the time. and now i realize my purpose for being is just to be happy. to do whatever i can to be happy without letting go of who i am. and i feel like more people need to realize this. if you're unhappy...then fucking do something about it. find out what makes you happy, or what could make you happy and just go for it. just fucking do it and ignore anyone who says anything otherwise. you're the only person in control of your life so only you can make yourself happy. and that's what i've realized through out my life. that's the biggest life lesson i've learned and i want more people to learn this as well. of course i still have a lot to learn, and i'm pretty sure i'll never stop learning as i grow older. but for now, i'm happy. i am satisfied. i like my life and the people in it, and just everything i have. and fuck you if you think otherwise. :]