Thank goodness for sunglasses.....
I cried today for no other reason than I'm so stressed I can't cope. Everything has been pissing me off this week, Bart, work, not getting the house fixed fast enough, and most of all... ME. It is possible to piss yourself off? Hell Yes. I've been ready to pick a fight all day, I need a damn release and an all out fight was looking like a possibility. Lucky for all, I sucked it up and kept my mouth shut. Its hard sometimes. I bottle everything up and now its dangeriously close to a major explosion. What the hell have I done to myself. I've isolated myself from my friends, yet again. I can't trust J anymore and everyone else is busy with their lives and I just don't want to barge in on them and interrupt. I keep hoping that I can make friends with new people, but I still hesitate. Bart tells me that Jeanine wants to be friends with me, and she's made the effort to try to reach out. I'm stubborn and hermet like these days. I know I'm being a pain in the ass, as always. The green has creeped back in and I'm watching his every move. Its stupid but my self esteem is running low and I get all hostile when I'm like this. I need some TLC and I'm not getting it. Part of all of my problems is my sleep apnea, which I'm hoping will be better in a few weeks. I get the Cpap machine soon. I think my lack of restful sleep and my inability to hit that deep sleep level that I need is causing most of my issues and has been the major problem with all the shit I've been going through.
The doctor told me that with the way I've not been sleeping a deep sleep it has killed my motabolism. Hince the weight gain and my inablity to drop it with diet and excercise. I've given up on those two things until I can get some sleep and feel like going to the gym. I think I'm going to sleep in the after noon and hit the gym after UPS and before my KK ob and my class. I'm taking a Healthy Lifestyles class, I'm hoping that it does me some good. I'm trying to escape this cycle of getting my hopes up, trying something, giving up on tat something, and feeling sorry for myself then off getting my hopes up again. I need to take some Aleave, my knee is swollen twice its normal size. ICK.
The house is getting there, but I feel like we are getting down to the wire and we aren't ready. Jeremy has been a great help, and I appreciate his working and helping me. Today I let him take the day for himself, he deserves a break. I painted the cabnet doors that go in the bathroom. I raked up the dead grass and put fresh grass killer on the clumps that weren't dead yet. I cut the big horrible bush down so that we can dig it out. I painted the corners, around the tight spots and near the ceiling of the bathroom. It needs a coat or two in some spots. I couldn't reach above the shower, I'm hoping that Jeremy can. I'm not that brave with the ladder. We are working on the house tomorrow, finishing the floors and bathroom. Then when the floors have dried we'll paint the bottom trim and do touch ups. By then the floor will be cured enough to move the bedroom and living room stuff into. I haven't eve started on the carriage house yet. That will be my summer project. I'm having a party in my back yard in July so I have to get it up to par. Lots of work, not enough time.
The doctor told me that with the way I've not been sleeping a deep sleep it has killed my motabolism. Hince the weight gain and my inablity to drop it with diet and excercise. I've given up on those two things until I can get some sleep and feel like going to the gym. I think I'm going to sleep in the after noon and hit the gym after UPS and before my KK ob and my class. I'm taking a Healthy Lifestyles class, I'm hoping that it does me some good. I'm trying to escape this cycle of getting my hopes up, trying something, giving up on tat something, and feeling sorry for myself then off getting my hopes up again. I need to take some Aleave, my knee is swollen twice its normal size. ICK.
The house is getting there, but I feel like we are getting down to the wire and we aren't ready. Jeremy has been a great help, and I appreciate his working and helping me. Today I let him take the day for himself, he deserves a break. I painted the cabnet doors that go in the bathroom. I raked up the dead grass and put fresh grass killer on the clumps that weren't dead yet. I cut the big horrible bush down so that we can dig it out. I painted the corners, around the tight spots and near the ceiling of the bathroom. It needs a coat or two in some spots. I couldn't reach above the shower, I'm hoping that Jeremy can. I'm not that brave with the ladder. We are working on the house tomorrow, finishing the floors and bathroom. Then when the floors have dried we'll paint the bottom trim and do touch ups. By then the floor will be cured enough to move the bedroom and living room stuff into. I haven't eve started on the carriage house yet. That will be my summer project. I'm having a party in my back yard in July so I have to get it up to par. Lots of work, not enough time.