(no subject)
Title: Chapter Nine [of fourteen?]
Pairing: one-sided Ohno Satoshi/ Ninomiya Kazunari (Ohmiya), Ohno Satoshi/Saya
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 6538
Notes: Chapter nine, minus the eight months of waiting 8D Betaed, as so much of my stuff is, by lady_gemma.
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
The mission statement Johnny Kitagawa had presented Ueda with was a simple one: Kill the diplomat called Matsumoto. Kitagawa hadn’t believed for a moment that Ami had escaped his estate, and Ueda agreed with the old man. Ami had learned the layout of the mansion and the immediate grounds and nothing more. When taken out to the faires it was expected that their eyes were kept on the floor of the carriage and there was no reason to suspect that Ami had acted otherwise. Then Matsumoto had arrived and Ami disappeared.
It was hasty and ill-thought out, possibly done out of some spur-of-the-moment desire or ridiculous sense of moral obligation to ‘free’ the Pet in accordance to the Borderlanders ways of thinking. It was purely stupid. By stealing Ami, the diplomat had brought Kitagawa’s wrath down in the form of Ueda - and Ueda liked to play with his targets. Matsumoto’s theft was so clear that Ueda had been absolutely astounded when they’d made it to the Capital and he’d seen neither hide nor hair of the Pet. For that first week Ueda wondered if the Pet hadn’t managed a miracle and truly escaped.
Finding Matsumoto and Ami at the palace hadn’t been something Ueda had counted on at all, but it was certainly one of the best things that had happened to him since coming to this backwater country. Not only could he kill the diplomat as his objected stated, but he could force the diplomat to watch as Ueda took Ami in front of him, and further force Ami to watch Matsumoto die.
He might even let Tottchi watch as it all happened. (Kitagawa had thought it funny, letting the friend of the escaped Pet go with Ueda - as part of his compensation, certainly, but also with the idea that Tottchi might draw Ami out.)
The prospect was delicious.
Then there was Miya, his little bonus. There was no sense in worrying about him before Matsumoto was disposed of and Ami taken care of. Kitagawa hadn’t figured on him living and hadn’t mentioned him at all - and technically Miya didn’t actually belong to Kitagawa anymore - so it was up to Ueda to decide what he would do with him. On one hand, that little Pet had healed rather nicely from what Ueda had seen of him with that tall servant in the park, and Kitagawa had always been fond of the boy. On the other, Kitagawa had written him off and Ueda would gain quick respect and awe from his countrymen having three of the finest Pets in the country.
Ueda smiled to himself, drawing Tottchi closer. Life was good.
------
Nino knew he was hiding and that he’d make Ohno worry, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t know how long the prince would be staying, and he didn’t know what the prince would be talking about if he did stay. His head still reeled from the prince’s declaration - there was no way he could be anything but a stranger to such a high position. He’d been taught that with bruises and pain for as long as he could remember. If the prince stayed, the prince would probably also being working his case to take Nino from the Ohno’s, Nino was fairly sure of that, and in no way did Nino want to go.
He wasn’t going to leave Ohno. Ohno had kissed him not that long ago and that meant that Ohno wanted him. Nino just had to make Ohno make him his.
So he stayed in his room, hiding from the house. Out of sight, out of mind until someone had a use for him. If he was at all lucky Ohno would come to fetch him, maybe even for dinner. Then Ohno could tell him that Sho was letting him stay, and Nino could be happy again. His stomach growled and Nino curled up tighter into himself. Maybe he could sneak down to the kitchens using the servant’s stairs...
He looked up suddenly. Someone was approaching his room. By the footsteps, he thought it was Ohno. Nino held his breath. He had run out on the prince without waiting for a dismissal and he couldn’t escape his punishment for that, but if it was Ohno it probably wouldn’t be so bad. He’d probably even go easy on Nino, since Nino was still recovering.
The knock came after a while. Ninomiya hesitated, then stood to answer the door.
Ohno had thought to give Nino some space after the prince had left - having the prince of a new country tell you he was your brother could hardly have been an easy thing for him to take. Even though Sho had agreed to back off, Ohno knew how much the search for his brother had weighed on Sho’s mind. He would have tried to control it, but he would have been excited had probably come off strongly and frightened Nino. It would explain why Nino had disappeared into his room as soon as they’d gotten home without waiting to be dismissed. (It was Sho who had stopped Ohno’s parents and his guards from dragging Nino back out, which made Ohno think even more highly of Sho than he already did.)
But Sho had been gone for hours and Nino still hadn’t come out of his room, and Ohno couldn’t let him hide forever. Shun mentioned that he and Nino had shared a snack - a tidbit which had sent a confusing wave of jealousy pulsing hotly through Ohno’s veins - but he couldn’t have eaten since then and that was no good. Real food was a necessary part of the day; especially for a still-recovering Nino, who hadn’t ever eaten enough anyway.
Ohno made the climb up to the second floor and stood in front of the boy’s door, shifting his weight as he debated the merits of knocking. What if Nino wasn’t ready to talk to anyone? Should Ohno really press it? But if he didn’t, Nino would just keep hiding.
Ohno drew in a breath and knocked.
There was no sound for a moment. The noble strained his ears, contemplating knocking again, but stopped. He could barely make out footsteps on the floor within. The door opened and Nino stood in there, holding onto the door, chewing on his bottom lip. Judging by the darkness in his room he hadn’t called for his lamps or fireplace to be lit, and the curtains were still drawn over the windows. His eyes were the slightest bit red.
Concern flooded Ohno. “Are you all right?” he asked.
Nino looked down at the floor. “He won’t make me leave, will he?”
Ohno blinked. He’d not heard such a direct question from Nino since they’d met. “What?”
“The prince. He won’t make me leave here with him, will he?”
Nino’s voice was tinged with an anxiety that made Ohno’s heart clench, and his knuckles were white against the brass doorknob. Sho had said Nino wouldn’t want to be moved again - Ohno wondered how the other man knew that.
“Of course he won’t,” the noble said quickly, “Sho-kun’s not one to do something like that.”
Nino frowned, peeking up at Ohno. “I thought his name was Sakurai.”
Ohno blinked in confusion for a second before his face cleared. He smiled. “That’s just the name that the public knows. It’s a tradition to give the royal family members two names, one real one and one for public use, to keep them safe from evil thoughts. Oh.” Ohno paused and frowned. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”
The boy smiled, a slightly wavering smile that was nevertheless genuinely amused. “I won’t tell.”
Ohno returned the smile with one of his own. Then he remembered that he’d noticed Nino’s lamps hadn’t been lit, and frowned curiously. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
“I... I didn’t... I didn’t want to be seen while the prince was here,” Nino muttered.
“You can come out, then - he’s left. I’ll have Shun start the fire in here, at least.”
Nino hesitated, but he nodded without a protest. Maybe, Ohno allowed himself to hope, the slight boy was getting the message that he was allowed to have his own needs and requests. He held out his hand to Nino.
“Come and have dinner.”
When Nino took Ohno’s hand, his movement was quicker and far more sure than anything he’d done before. Ohno nodded to himself, pleased, leading him down the stairs. Maybe Nino was starting to realize he was home here.
------
The next morning found Ohno less pleased and more confused. He didn’t know why, but Nino was acting strangely. As soon as Ohno had stepped out of his rooms, it seemed, the younger boy had simply... been there.
He’d greeted Ohno pleasantly and followed him to the dining room for breakfast. He’d sat down next to Ohno and eaten in silence, making sure that anything Ohno remotely hinted at wanting found its way to his plate. After breakfast he’d followed Ohno from the dining room into the drawing room. He’d waited until Ohno had taken his seat with his sketch pad, then taken one for himself, and he’d been sitting there since.
It wasn’t that Nino was being annoying - he was staying quietly out of sight, doing nothing that Ohno knew of. He wasn’t trying to engage Ohno in conversation, he wasn’t making any noises, and he wasn’t sleeping. He was just sitting and watching Ohno draw. The problem was that Ohno could feel Nino’s eyes on him. They were heavy, but they weren’t a constant presence. They came and went, as something caught Nino’s attention, perhaps, or as he was dragged into thought.
He didn’t like the inconsistency. If Nino was going to be there, Ohno wanted Nino’s attention on him all the time. The noble blinked, realizing what he’d just thought, and frowned. That wasn’t right. It was just that he wanted to know what Nino found so fascinating that wasn’t Ohno. Ohno scratched a loud line down the middle of his paper angrily - that wasn’t right, either.
The noble put his pen down with a soft sigh and turned to look at the boy - who was currently not looking at him. Nothing was getting done, anyway: Ohno couldn’t concentrate like this. But looking at Nino was perhaps not the best idea - especially when one considered the way he sat with his legs tucked primly under him, his large sleeping shirt slid free from his shoulder and baring pale skin to the morning light.
“Aren’t you,” Ohno started lamely, only to be stuck for words when Nino turned his bright eyes back to him. Combined with the curve of his neck and shoulder it was a dangerous combination. Ohno licked his lips and started again. “Aren’t you... bored there?”
“Am I disturbing you?” Nino asked, sitting up in clear preparation to leave as soon as Ohno agreed.
The noble winced. He hated Nino’s automatic reaction and he’d hoped it was leaving him. He’d have to make a mental note to yell at Sho the next time he was called in to court. “That’s not what I said,” he sighed, “I wanted to know if you aren’t bored. You just... sit there.”
“I know.” Nino said slowly. “I’m not bored. I like it.”
“What?”
“Watching you draw,” the boy murmured, flushing, “I like it.”
“You do?”
Nino nodded and Ohno hummed thoughtfully, digesting the new information. Nobody had ever liked watching him draw before - only ever tolerated it. “Saya always hates to see me draw. I go away, she says. I forget who I’m with and I don’t stay in reality.”
“You don’t.”
Ohno blinked. “Eh?”
“You do forget who you’re with,” Nino said carefully, watching the older man. Ohno made no indication of displeasure, and he pushed on. “You concentrate so completely that you would miss meals if somebody didn’t remind you. Your eyes are different. They’re focused on the paper, but they see something else. It’s fascinating.”
It was a good story, but Ohno couldn’t concentrate on what he was drawing when Nino was there and watching him, so it couldn’t be right. Ohno didn’t know how he was supposed to refute the point, though, so he let it go and turned back to his pen and sketch pad.
Nino stared back at him from the paper, his eyes solemn, the tiniest hint of a smile there in the corner of his lips. His hands were resting on the curved body of the guitar cradled in his lap. Ohno looked at it with wide eyes. He was so sure he’d been drawing something else. His brow furrowed. He just couldn’t think of what that was supposed to have been. Perhaps just the guitar.
Oh! The guitar! “I asked Jun if Nagase would be able to teach you the guitar.”
“‘Nagase’, Ohno-san?” Nino asked, his tone apologetic. He’d drifted off somewhere into this thoughts again.
Ohno smiled faintly. “Jun’s guard who plays the guitar, remember? I asked if Nagase would be free to teach you. Both Jun and Nagase think it would be a fine idea. You’ll have to visit the palace because he can’t leave his charge, but you can start whenever you like.”
“... Thank you, Ohno-san.”
“It was nothing.”
Nino looked like he was going to say something else, but while his lips moved, no sound came out. Ohno waited as patiently as he could for the boy to take the initiative to ask, but with each second, Nino drew more into himself.
“What is it, Nino?” he asked softly.
“When am I going to repay you?” Nino blurted. His voice was heavy with confusion, anxiety, concern, and anticipation, and his words fell out of his mouth so quickly that the noble couldn’t quite pull all the emotions apart.
Ohno blinked rapidly. “What?”
Nino plowed on as though he hadn’t heard Ohno. “You’ve done so much for me. You’ve taken care of me, even though you didn’t want to. You buy me things, you feed me, you let me stay here and even have my own room. The prince wanted me to go with him, didn’t he? But you’re letting me stay anyway. When am I going to repay you?”
“You don’t have to - ”
Nino sat up, shaking his head, “I know you have a fiancee, Ohno-san, but... but I know you want me, too, and I don’t mind that. So why won’t you just take what’s yours? Why are you still waiting? I’m okay now, I can - ”
“Stop,” Ohno said sharply.
Nino froze, looking every bit like a trapped animal. The noble stood and advanced slowly towards him. Nino looked like he wanted to run. Ohno scoffed. “You don’t want this. Look at you; you’re white at the thought.”
“But - ”
“No. I am not like them.”
“No, you’re not - ”
“I do not keep a Pet in my house,” Ohno spat. “You are not here because of whatever twisted desire you think I have to try to bed you. You are here because you have nowhere else to go. There is no ‘Miya’ anymore; you are just Nino. Accept that, because I will not allow there to be any more discussion of this. Do you understand?”
Nino sat there, chewing on his bottom lip, hands clenching nervously into fists by his side and releasing one finger at a time. He nodded once and his head stayed down. Ohno snorted and turned back to his pad and pen.
“Good.”
The noble sat. He turned to a clean page and prepared to begin drawing again, but nothing came. His hand didn’t move. He couldn’t envision anything in his mind - he couldn’t even focus on his mother’s favorite vase by the window. The room had gotten cold suddenly. Ohno stood and went to the bell, ringing for Shun. He would have the servant start a fire and then he’d be able to draw again.
He turned to go back to the couch, and stopped abruptly. Nino was gone, and Ohno hadn’t heard him leave. Ohno frowned and wrapped his arms around himself, waiting. But even after Shun came and lit the fire, even after he was able to draw again, the cold didn’t leave the room.
------
“Then he was just gone,” Ohno sighed. He’d given her a been a carefully edited version of the story - Saya wouldn’t want to hear about what Nino expected from Ohno. Saya stayed silent. It took him a moment to register that, and when he did he looked over, concerned. “What is it, Saya-chan?”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve been silent for a long time.”
“I’m surprised you even noticed,” Saya said frostily.
Ohno blinked. “Of course I would.”
“Would you? You’ve spent so much time talking about that cousin of yours, I’m a bit surprised you actually remembered that I’m still here. You’re worse than you are when you draw, the way you’re going on and on about him.”
“What?” the noble frowned. “Going on about who?”
“That bedraggled thing who lives in your house!” Saya spat, “You’ve done nothing but talk about him this whole time. One would almost think that you’ve started to feel for him. God knows you never talk about me like that, if you ever talk about me at all.”
Ohno stared at his fiancee, his eyes wide, torn between the desire to remind her that Nino wasn’t a ‘thing’, nor was he bedraggled, and the desire to comfort her. Saya had never been so angry with him. She had never once accused him of looking at another woman - so what on earth was she getting angry about now?
“Saya-chan, of course I don’t feel for him. He’s just my cousin.”
Saya shrugged. “If you say so.”
“I do say so! Of course I do. Saya-chan, please don’t be like this. I’m courting you.”
“This isn’t my idea of courting. I certainly don’t feel like wanted or courted when you spend all our time together talking about him. We never speak about setting a date or picking the minister or reception hall. I don’t like to hear about him when I want you to be here with me, courting me.”
Ohno’s head spun. Picking dates? Ministers? Reception halls? By unspoken mutual agreement they’d never spoken about any of those things before. Not even with their parents. Saya had never been in a hurry to wed. He looked at her, taking her hand in his imploringly. “I am here with you. I’m here right now.”
“Then prove it.”
“Let’s go out,” Ohno said, only a little desperately, “We’ll go to your favorite café.”
Saya smiled slowly. “And to the department store after? I saw the prettiest dress I’d like to take a closer look at.”
Ohno prided himself on hiding the wince at the thought of shopping. It was never something he’d liked doing - he was more than content to let his mother shop for him. They were just clothes: if they fit that was all that mattered. He forced a smile. “Of course. Whatever you want. Just the two of us.”
Saya leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
------
Ohno’s step was weary and dragging when he arrived home, well after dark. There were still lights on, at least, which meant he wouldn’t be disturbing anybody. His feet hurt. The noble couldn’t remember having ever gone shopping for such a long time, and without a break. Saya had been determined to make him focus entirely on her, and it had worked. He’d hardly had time to breathe, let alone think about anything but keeping up with her.
The door was open and Ohno let himself in. The house was warm and pleasant. He sighed, indulging in the pleasure of kicking his shoes of and letting his coat fall messily to the ground. He’d pick it up later, or Shun would.
“Welcome home, Ohno,” Nino said quietly.
Ohno jumped a little; he hadn’t heard the boy come into the foyer. Nino didn’t seem upset about earlier - he was standing in the doorway to the living room and smiling shyly. He’d also not used a suffix on Ohno’s name, and so the noble smiled as brightly as he could force himself to. “It’s very good to be home.”
“Weren’t you with Saya-sama? Did you not have a nice time?” Nino asked. He sounded mildly but genuinely concerned, and Ohno couldn’t help but feel kindly towards him for that, despite his earlier ire.
“It was just very long. I don’t like shopping much.”
The noble smiled at Nino and held his hand out to the boy. Nino took Ohno’s hand and Ohno’s fingers curled around his easily. He noticed once again how nicely Nino’s hand fit into his palm. Saya’s didn’t even fit so well - her fingers were long and her nails were longer. They mostly twined arms and walked standing a little apart from each other, because otherwise they didn’t fit at all.
Nino tugged on the noble’s hand and Ohno, surprised, allowed Nino to lead him through the mansion and straight back into Ohno’s bedroom. The slight boy led Ohno to his own bed and gestured for the noble to lie down.
Ohno stared blankly at the bed cover, then at Nino, then back at the bed. “What?”
“You’re clearly tired and you look tense, Ohno-san,” Nino said. His eyes looked into Ohno’s guilelessly. “I can help you with that, at least, and then I’ll get you some supper - you probably haven’t eaten, right? Here, let me get your robe.”
That should have been his warning. It should have sent all the red flags in his mind up, but Ohno couldn’t detect anything from the boy. Maybe he was just too tired and couldn’t be bothered to try. Maybe he just didn’t want to. Ohno let Nino take the robe from his shoulders.
“Please lie down, Ohno.”
Ohno obeyed, laying down on his stomach while Nino placed the garment carefully on a chair. He closed his eyes tiredly and didn’t move until the boy climbed onto the bed next to him. He shifted over then, but Nino followed him and Ohno was too tired to move any farther.
“Stop moving. I have to be able to reach you.”
With a sigh, the noble gave in to the boy and Nino promptly used that inch to take the mile. In the boldest and most confident move Ohno had seen from Nino, the slight boy straddled the small of Ohno’s back. His hands moved quickly, finding their way around the noble’s shoulders and pressing down on knots of tension, releasing them. The sensation was so pleasurable that Ohno forgot what he’d been about to protest.
Nino’s hands moved steadily over Ohno’s shoulders - small, surprisingly strong fingers dug into the older man’s muscles and skillfully massaged away the tension Ohno had been carrying all day. He’d clearly done this before, and probably often, and he was very good at it. The noble moaned softly when one particularly sore point disappeared.
Above him Nino chuckled softly. “It feels better, doesn’t it?”
Ohno could barely form a coherent thought, and all he managed this time was another muted moan. Nino continued to work, moving down the older man’s back. Ohno could feel the warmth of the boy’s legs move down over his thighs as Nino massaged the small of Ohno’s back and his sides. Then, without warning, Nino’s nails dragged lightly over Ohno’s bare skin - right in the very sensitive curve of his back, raising bumps and causing the noble to shudder.
He tried to lift his head and look back. “What are - ?”
“I’m sorry, Ohno. I slipped,” Nino said smoothly.
Ohno’s eyes closed again and he submitted to the skill of Nino’s hands. He was starting to drift off when he felt Nino prompt him to move onto his side. Unthinking, he rolled over, and then rolled again so he was on his back at the younger boy’s continued prompting. He would have gone right back into his doze had it not been for the sudden warm wetness that felt so out of place on his chest and the rush of pleasure that followed it.
The noble’s eyes shot open and he craned to look down. Nino was licking softly at his nipple and his hands wandered down Ohno’s body, heading towards the tenting in his pants. Suddenly what Ohno thought had just been lazy warmth and sensation pooling in his belly, he came into full and shamed awareness of.
Ohno tensed, anger rolling through him, and pushed Nino away roughly, not caring where Nino might fall. He rolled off the bed. Nino followed him, standing his ground. The strange thing was that this was the first time Ohno had ever seen the boy look unapologetic. He bared his teeth at Nino in frustration.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Anger and shame and desire coursed through him. His body had reacted to Nino’s hands, and Nino knew it would have. Nino knew exactly what to do to make it respond. He should have known better than to trust the former Pet. He should have known better than to trust himself.
“I was massaging you,” Nino said blithely.
“Licking me is not a massage,” Ohno hissed.
“You want more but you won’t take it,” the boy retorted, “I know you do. You’ve even kissed me. It doesn’t have to be bad, Ohno - I don’t mind it if it’s you. I’ve been waiting for you to take it, I’m simply speeding up that process.”
Ohno saw red. He would never have abused the slight boy like that, even if Nino hadn’t gone through such pain in his life already. How could Nino even imply it? “I did no such thing - I would never do that!”
“You have, though you may not remember it,” Nino said.
“Don’t lie to me. There is nothing I want from you.”
“I think you do. Your body tells me that you do. You’re just afraid to admit it.”
“Oh, my body tells you things, does it?” the noble asked, his voice soft and low. “I suppose you would know what I want better than I do when it comes to that. Can you see life as anything else but sex and your misery? Do you know anything else?”
Nino flinched and looked down, his face bright red with shame, but Ohno pretended not to see it. Let the boy feel ashamed. He should be. The noble advanced on Nino, but the slight boy didn’t try to escape. Perhaps he thought Ohno was going to give in.
“You truly think I’m afraid?” Ohno asked, as though discussing the weather, “You truly think that I want anything of that sort from you? I thought I told you this morning - I don’t. Perhaps you don’t know how to listen. Perhaps I should give you what you think that I want. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? For me to play by your rules?”
He reached out and grabbed a fistful of Nino’s shirt, yanking the younger boy closer to him. Nino came along willingly. Ohno pulled the shirt up and off of Nino, discarding it carelessly on the floor. The slight boy licked his lips quickly, but otherwise held himself still. This was Ohno’s time.
Ohno’s hands were sure and steady as they traveled up the younger boy’s chest. Sometimes his long nails would brush over Nino’s skin as his fingers curved over muscle, and Nino tried not to shiver in satisfaction. The older man’s brushed the pads of his fingers over Nino’s nipples and watched the buds harden under his touch. Nino didn’t so much as twitch.
The noble cupped Nino’s neck with his left hand, traced abstract patterns on the younger boy’s skin with his thumb. Nino closed his eyes against desire. Then Ohno’s hand closed around Nino’s throat, just over his jugular and just tight enough to be a truly threatening gesture. Nino didn’t struggle or make a noise. He opened his eyes and waited.
“Is this what you want?” Ohno asked softly, “Is this what you think I want? To claim you and have you subservient and jumping at my every word? To use you at night and throw you into your pen in the morning?”
Nino stared calmly into the older man’s eyes. “It’s what everyone has always wanted.”
The noble’s fingers nearly tightened. His eyes narrowed. “Not me. I have a beautiful young lady who I am engaged to. I have been courting her for a very long time, and she loves me. She and I will be married one day. Understand me,” Ohno spat, “I do not want you. I want nothing to do with you.”
The younger boy stayed silent, but his eyes sparkled with defiance. You wanted me, his expression read, You wanted me when we met. You wanted me just now. For that moment, you wanted me.
Ohno couldn’t look at that face, because that face was right. He had wanted Nino. He’d wanted him so badly that if Nino hadn’t fallen asleep that first night he might have kissed him. If he hadn’t left early that morning, Ohno might have touched him. Even if he hadn’t been given away, Ohno would have taken him from Kitagawa so Nino couldn’t leave him.
Disgusted with himself, Ohno shoved Nino away.
Nino tripped over his feet, curling his body to protect himself from the fall in a business-like manner. He stayed on the floor where he fell and didn’t look at Ohno. A large part of him didn’t think this was real. It couldn’t be real - Ohno had never been disgusted with him. Ohno was the kind man who’d saved his life and offered him clothes to wear, and who didn’t care if Nino spoke out of turn. The man who encouraged Nino to play the guitar because he had heard him play one song, and not very well.
But it was real, he had only himself to blame. He had pushed Ohno for more, for something that Ohno didn’t want to give, on mere speculation. Perhaps a drunken kiss was really just a drunken kiss and not the loosening of inhibitions that Nino had assumed it was.
Nino curled his hands into fists. He’d pushed too much. He was only being punished as was right. Nino dared to look at the noble from under the cover of his hair. Ohno had been waiting for that - he drew himself upright, visibly forcing himself to stay calm.
“Get out of my sight, Nino,” Ohno said, his voice quiet and steady, “I want to forget you’re here. I’m tired of trying to see you through this. You’re no better than Kitagawa and his ilk. I shouldn’t have expected anything more. Go.”
Nino picked himself up from the floor and took up his shirt. He walked silently to the door of Ohno’s room and let himself out. He didn’t know where to go, so he just started moving. What could he do that would let Ohno forget he was there?
The slight boy reached his own room without being truly aware that he was heading for it. The sleeping clothes Ohno had given him - the first present he’d ever gotten - were laid out neatly on his bed, where he’d left them from this morning. Nino reached out and touched them hesitantly, like they’d bite him if he wasn’t careful. He pulled the sleeping shirt on and sat on the edge of his bed, wrapping his arms around himself.
Nothing really was his, Nino remembered, looking around the room, except maybe these clothes, because they’d been a present and they wouldn’t fit anyone else. Everything else was on loan from Ohno and his family out of their kindness. Nino felt a pang of remorse and squeezed his eyes shut.
He’d abused that kindness.
Nino had been so sure that if he just pushed a little, Ohno would take what he was supposed to want. He’d been so sure that Ohno was just being kind and waiting for Nino to be okay. What else was hand-holding for, if not to make sure that the Pet still came to you? Hadn’t Ohno brought Nino to his bed the first night they’d met? Hadn’t Ohno kissed him? He’d been so sure that Ohno just needed that push, needed Nino to initiate so he’d know that Nino was okay with it. He’d been so sure that Ohno was just too willing to delay his gratification. But he’d misread Ohno horribly. He’d been too sure; too confident that he knew what Ohno wanted. He’d been so very wrong, and now he was paying for that undue confidence.
Now Ohno wanted to forget that Nino was there.
He could do that. He could disappear, and Ohno would never have to see him again. Nino stood and changed into his sleeping clothes. He couldn’t carry anything more with him. It would be chilly, but he’d withstood cold for longer periods of time, and he hadn’t been as well fed then. The shirts and pants would be enough for now; everything else he could work for. It couldn’t be so hard to find someone else who wanted him and would take him in as a bed-warmer if nothing else.
With a mansion as large and as unpopulated as Ohno’s, it was easy enough to slip out unnoticed from his bedroom. Nino was careful not to make a sound as he made his way down the stairs - he’d memorized all the boards that creaked. Ohno was probably still in his room, or perhaps he was washing. It didn’t matter.
One thing Nino could say he prided himself on was his memory. He had a good head for directions and landmarks. On the way back, following along after the prince Sakurai and Shun, he’d busied himself with memorizing corners and interesting buildings. At the time it was just better than having to interact with the prince. Now it meant that Nino knew how to reach the main city roads, and he could better and more quickly disappear.
He didn’t turn back, so he didn’t see Nakai watching his retreating back thoughtfully.
------
Ohno wasn’t happy with himself.
He’d stared at the spot where Nino had lain on the floor for a long time after the younger boy had closed the door behind himself and couldn’t make himself move. His memory replayed the boy falling, how Nino hadn’t even made a sound; just curled up and landed. He could still see the numbed look on Nino’s face, it stayed unbidden in his mind’s eye and wouldn’t go away. He could see the hurt and shame radiating from every line of Nino’s body.
He still felt dirty.
He didn’t know how long it had taken him before he could move again, but when his body was back under his own control, Ohno fairly raced into the washroom to bathe. Only when he was practically submerged did he finally let himself dwell on what he’d done.
And, oh, how he’d done it. He’d told Nino off. He’d told Nino to go away and leave him to Saya, as he’d sworn to her he would do. Ohno had never lied to anybody before that trip to the Eastlands, because he’d never felt the need to. He was lying a lot these days, to Saya, to his parents, and even to Sho. Worst of all, he’d lied to Nino’s face.
Because Nino was so painfully right. Ohno did want him. Ohno had wanted him since he’d first seen the boy kneeling on the floor to greet Kitagawa, and that scared him. So he’d reacted through his shame and hurt Nino with biting words and negligent actions to cover up a bodily reaction he couldn’t contain. Ohno snorted derisively at himself - like Nino hadn’t had enough of that in his short life.
In a sense, he’d done it for his future wife. He didn’t like it.
Twenty minutes after his bath, Ohno was standing in front of Nino’s door. Like lying, he was standing in front of Nino’s door a lot these days. This was the first time he was standing there to flat out apologize to the boy, though. He’d never wanted to hurt Nino. He’d not, in fact, had any want of Nino other than to keep him safe and happy.
Good work you’ve done with that, Ohno thought bitterly.
He knocked once more and opened the door, hoping that this time would yield something more than an empty room. Ohno had checked the boy’s room three times already, and each time he’d come up with an empty, echoing space. Nino was making it very hard for Ohno to apologize.
Ohno had checked his whole mansion four times over, even going into his parent’s bedroom. He’d checked the small studio where Nino had discovered the guitar but Nino wasn’t playing. He’d gone into the kitchens, but neither Shun nor Ryuji had seen hide nor hair of the boy. Tabe-chan and Leader were equally of no help.
Nino’s room was still silent and empty, as it had been the first three times. Nino’s clothes were all there, as they had been the first three times. Nothing had been disturbed. Only the boy’s sleeping clothes were gone, which surely meant that Nino had to be nearby. Perhaps he was down by the pond.
Ohno bit on his lip as he thought. He’d been more than harsh with Nino, and unnecessarily so; perhaps hiding from Ohno was Nino’s way of getting back at him. He knew that Ohno liked to know where Nino was, even if they weren’t doing something together. It hurt too much to think that Nino was afraid of him now, so Ohno didn’t allow himself to. He left Nino’s room and started walking through the halls of his home again, aimlessly. He opened every door onto an empty room, and closed it behind him as he went.
Where could Nino have gone? He still wasn’t completely recovered. It was worrying.
“He probably wants time,” Ohno murmured to himself.
He looked distractedly around his studio, fingers trailing over his brushes and paints. Nino didn’t ever come here, not since Ohno had asked him not to. He would watch Ohno if he found the noble drawing anywhere else, but he never came into the studio. Ohno himself hadn’t come to the studio in weeks, choosing to draw in places where Nino could easily find him and invite himself to sit down.
Ohno sat down in front of the easel and picked up his palate and a brush. He immediately put them down and stood up again. There was no way he would be able to concentrate. What was Nino doing? What if Nino had hurt himself and Ohno didn’t know about it? Quick steps brought him back down to the kitchens before he was aware he was heading for them. When he requested Nino’s favorite food, a meat dish that Ohno’s mother had discovered quite by accident while experimenting in the kitchen one day, Ryuji didn’t look entirely surprised.
Neither did his mother, but Ohno didn’t have time to think about that.
He had a boy to find.
Pairing: one-sided Ohno Satoshi/ Ninomiya Kazunari (Ohmiya), Ohno Satoshi/Saya
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 6538
Notes: Chapter nine, minus the eight months of waiting 8D Betaed, as so much of my stuff is, by lady_gemma.
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
The mission statement Johnny Kitagawa had presented Ueda with was a simple one: Kill the diplomat called Matsumoto. Kitagawa hadn’t believed for a moment that Ami had escaped his estate, and Ueda agreed with the old man. Ami had learned the layout of the mansion and the immediate grounds and nothing more. When taken out to the faires it was expected that their eyes were kept on the floor of the carriage and there was no reason to suspect that Ami had acted otherwise. Then Matsumoto had arrived and Ami disappeared.
It was hasty and ill-thought out, possibly done out of some spur-of-the-moment desire or ridiculous sense of moral obligation to ‘free’ the Pet in accordance to the Borderlanders ways of thinking. It was purely stupid. By stealing Ami, the diplomat had brought Kitagawa’s wrath down in the form of Ueda - and Ueda liked to play with his targets. Matsumoto’s theft was so clear that Ueda had been absolutely astounded when they’d made it to the Capital and he’d seen neither hide nor hair of the Pet. For that first week Ueda wondered if the Pet hadn’t managed a miracle and truly escaped.
Finding Matsumoto and Ami at the palace hadn’t been something Ueda had counted on at all, but it was certainly one of the best things that had happened to him since coming to this backwater country. Not only could he kill the diplomat as his objected stated, but he could force the diplomat to watch as Ueda took Ami in front of him, and further force Ami to watch Matsumoto die.
He might even let Tottchi watch as it all happened. (Kitagawa had thought it funny, letting the friend of the escaped Pet go with Ueda - as part of his compensation, certainly, but also with the idea that Tottchi might draw Ami out.)
The prospect was delicious.
Then there was Miya, his little bonus. There was no sense in worrying about him before Matsumoto was disposed of and Ami taken care of. Kitagawa hadn’t figured on him living and hadn’t mentioned him at all - and technically Miya didn’t actually belong to Kitagawa anymore - so it was up to Ueda to decide what he would do with him. On one hand, that little Pet had healed rather nicely from what Ueda had seen of him with that tall servant in the park, and Kitagawa had always been fond of the boy. On the other, Kitagawa had written him off and Ueda would gain quick respect and awe from his countrymen having three of the finest Pets in the country.
Ueda smiled to himself, drawing Tottchi closer. Life was good.
------
Nino knew he was hiding and that he’d make Ohno worry, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t know how long the prince would be staying, and he didn’t know what the prince would be talking about if he did stay. His head still reeled from the prince’s declaration - there was no way he could be anything but a stranger to such a high position. He’d been taught that with bruises and pain for as long as he could remember. If the prince stayed, the prince would probably also being working his case to take Nino from the Ohno’s, Nino was fairly sure of that, and in no way did Nino want to go.
He wasn’t going to leave Ohno. Ohno had kissed him not that long ago and that meant that Ohno wanted him. Nino just had to make Ohno make him his.
So he stayed in his room, hiding from the house. Out of sight, out of mind until someone had a use for him. If he was at all lucky Ohno would come to fetch him, maybe even for dinner. Then Ohno could tell him that Sho was letting him stay, and Nino could be happy again. His stomach growled and Nino curled up tighter into himself. Maybe he could sneak down to the kitchens using the servant’s stairs...
He looked up suddenly. Someone was approaching his room. By the footsteps, he thought it was Ohno. Nino held his breath. He had run out on the prince without waiting for a dismissal and he couldn’t escape his punishment for that, but if it was Ohno it probably wouldn’t be so bad. He’d probably even go easy on Nino, since Nino was still recovering.
The knock came after a while. Ninomiya hesitated, then stood to answer the door.
Ohno had thought to give Nino some space after the prince had left - having the prince of a new country tell you he was your brother could hardly have been an easy thing for him to take. Even though Sho had agreed to back off, Ohno knew how much the search for his brother had weighed on Sho’s mind. He would have tried to control it, but he would have been excited had probably come off strongly and frightened Nino. It would explain why Nino had disappeared into his room as soon as they’d gotten home without waiting to be dismissed. (It was Sho who had stopped Ohno’s parents and his guards from dragging Nino back out, which made Ohno think even more highly of Sho than he already did.)
But Sho had been gone for hours and Nino still hadn’t come out of his room, and Ohno couldn’t let him hide forever. Shun mentioned that he and Nino had shared a snack - a tidbit which had sent a confusing wave of jealousy pulsing hotly through Ohno’s veins - but he couldn’t have eaten since then and that was no good. Real food was a necessary part of the day; especially for a still-recovering Nino, who hadn’t ever eaten enough anyway.
Ohno made the climb up to the second floor and stood in front of the boy’s door, shifting his weight as he debated the merits of knocking. What if Nino wasn’t ready to talk to anyone? Should Ohno really press it? But if he didn’t, Nino would just keep hiding.
Ohno drew in a breath and knocked.
There was no sound for a moment. The noble strained his ears, contemplating knocking again, but stopped. He could barely make out footsteps on the floor within. The door opened and Nino stood in there, holding onto the door, chewing on his bottom lip. Judging by the darkness in his room he hadn’t called for his lamps or fireplace to be lit, and the curtains were still drawn over the windows. His eyes were the slightest bit red.
Concern flooded Ohno. “Are you all right?” he asked.
Nino looked down at the floor. “He won’t make me leave, will he?”
Ohno blinked. He’d not heard such a direct question from Nino since they’d met. “What?”
“The prince. He won’t make me leave here with him, will he?”
Nino’s voice was tinged with an anxiety that made Ohno’s heart clench, and his knuckles were white against the brass doorknob. Sho had said Nino wouldn’t want to be moved again - Ohno wondered how the other man knew that.
“Of course he won’t,” the noble said quickly, “Sho-kun’s not one to do something like that.”
Nino frowned, peeking up at Ohno. “I thought his name was Sakurai.”
Ohno blinked in confusion for a second before his face cleared. He smiled. “That’s just the name that the public knows. It’s a tradition to give the royal family members two names, one real one and one for public use, to keep them safe from evil thoughts. Oh.” Ohno paused and frowned. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”
The boy smiled, a slightly wavering smile that was nevertheless genuinely amused. “I won’t tell.”
Ohno returned the smile with one of his own. Then he remembered that he’d noticed Nino’s lamps hadn’t been lit, and frowned curiously. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
“I... I didn’t... I didn’t want to be seen while the prince was here,” Nino muttered.
“You can come out, then - he’s left. I’ll have Shun start the fire in here, at least.”
Nino hesitated, but he nodded without a protest. Maybe, Ohno allowed himself to hope, the slight boy was getting the message that he was allowed to have his own needs and requests. He held out his hand to Nino.
“Come and have dinner.”
When Nino took Ohno’s hand, his movement was quicker and far more sure than anything he’d done before. Ohno nodded to himself, pleased, leading him down the stairs. Maybe Nino was starting to realize he was home here.
------
The next morning found Ohno less pleased and more confused. He didn’t know why, but Nino was acting strangely. As soon as Ohno had stepped out of his rooms, it seemed, the younger boy had simply... been there.
He’d greeted Ohno pleasantly and followed him to the dining room for breakfast. He’d sat down next to Ohno and eaten in silence, making sure that anything Ohno remotely hinted at wanting found its way to his plate. After breakfast he’d followed Ohno from the dining room into the drawing room. He’d waited until Ohno had taken his seat with his sketch pad, then taken one for himself, and he’d been sitting there since.
It wasn’t that Nino was being annoying - he was staying quietly out of sight, doing nothing that Ohno knew of. He wasn’t trying to engage Ohno in conversation, he wasn’t making any noises, and he wasn’t sleeping. He was just sitting and watching Ohno draw. The problem was that Ohno could feel Nino’s eyes on him. They were heavy, but they weren’t a constant presence. They came and went, as something caught Nino’s attention, perhaps, or as he was dragged into thought.
He didn’t like the inconsistency. If Nino was going to be there, Ohno wanted Nino’s attention on him all the time. The noble blinked, realizing what he’d just thought, and frowned. That wasn’t right. It was just that he wanted to know what Nino found so fascinating that wasn’t Ohno. Ohno scratched a loud line down the middle of his paper angrily - that wasn’t right, either.
The noble put his pen down with a soft sigh and turned to look at the boy - who was currently not looking at him. Nothing was getting done, anyway: Ohno couldn’t concentrate like this. But looking at Nino was perhaps not the best idea - especially when one considered the way he sat with his legs tucked primly under him, his large sleeping shirt slid free from his shoulder and baring pale skin to the morning light.
“Aren’t you,” Ohno started lamely, only to be stuck for words when Nino turned his bright eyes back to him. Combined with the curve of his neck and shoulder it was a dangerous combination. Ohno licked his lips and started again. “Aren’t you... bored there?”
“Am I disturbing you?” Nino asked, sitting up in clear preparation to leave as soon as Ohno agreed.
The noble winced. He hated Nino’s automatic reaction and he’d hoped it was leaving him. He’d have to make a mental note to yell at Sho the next time he was called in to court. “That’s not what I said,” he sighed, “I wanted to know if you aren’t bored. You just... sit there.”
“I know.” Nino said slowly. “I’m not bored. I like it.”
“What?”
“Watching you draw,” the boy murmured, flushing, “I like it.”
“You do?”
Nino nodded and Ohno hummed thoughtfully, digesting the new information. Nobody had ever liked watching him draw before - only ever tolerated it. “Saya always hates to see me draw. I go away, she says. I forget who I’m with and I don’t stay in reality.”
“You don’t.”
Ohno blinked. “Eh?”
“You do forget who you’re with,” Nino said carefully, watching the older man. Ohno made no indication of displeasure, and he pushed on. “You concentrate so completely that you would miss meals if somebody didn’t remind you. Your eyes are different. They’re focused on the paper, but they see something else. It’s fascinating.”
It was a good story, but Ohno couldn’t concentrate on what he was drawing when Nino was there and watching him, so it couldn’t be right. Ohno didn’t know how he was supposed to refute the point, though, so he let it go and turned back to his pen and sketch pad.
Nino stared back at him from the paper, his eyes solemn, the tiniest hint of a smile there in the corner of his lips. His hands were resting on the curved body of the guitar cradled in his lap. Ohno looked at it with wide eyes. He was so sure he’d been drawing something else. His brow furrowed. He just couldn’t think of what that was supposed to have been. Perhaps just the guitar.
Oh! The guitar! “I asked Jun if Nagase would be able to teach you the guitar.”
“‘Nagase’, Ohno-san?” Nino asked, his tone apologetic. He’d drifted off somewhere into this thoughts again.
Ohno smiled faintly. “Jun’s guard who plays the guitar, remember? I asked if Nagase would be free to teach you. Both Jun and Nagase think it would be a fine idea. You’ll have to visit the palace because he can’t leave his charge, but you can start whenever you like.”
“... Thank you, Ohno-san.”
“It was nothing.”
Nino looked like he was going to say something else, but while his lips moved, no sound came out. Ohno waited as patiently as he could for the boy to take the initiative to ask, but with each second, Nino drew more into himself.
“What is it, Nino?” he asked softly.
“When am I going to repay you?” Nino blurted. His voice was heavy with confusion, anxiety, concern, and anticipation, and his words fell out of his mouth so quickly that the noble couldn’t quite pull all the emotions apart.
Ohno blinked rapidly. “What?”
Nino plowed on as though he hadn’t heard Ohno. “You’ve done so much for me. You’ve taken care of me, even though you didn’t want to. You buy me things, you feed me, you let me stay here and even have my own room. The prince wanted me to go with him, didn’t he? But you’re letting me stay anyway. When am I going to repay you?”
“You don’t have to - ”
Nino sat up, shaking his head, “I know you have a fiancee, Ohno-san, but... but I know you want me, too, and I don’t mind that. So why won’t you just take what’s yours? Why are you still waiting? I’m okay now, I can - ”
“Stop,” Ohno said sharply.
Nino froze, looking every bit like a trapped animal. The noble stood and advanced slowly towards him. Nino looked like he wanted to run. Ohno scoffed. “You don’t want this. Look at you; you’re white at the thought.”
“But - ”
“No. I am not like them.”
“No, you’re not - ”
“I do not keep a Pet in my house,” Ohno spat. “You are not here because of whatever twisted desire you think I have to try to bed you. You are here because you have nowhere else to go. There is no ‘Miya’ anymore; you are just Nino. Accept that, because I will not allow there to be any more discussion of this. Do you understand?”
Nino sat there, chewing on his bottom lip, hands clenching nervously into fists by his side and releasing one finger at a time. He nodded once and his head stayed down. Ohno snorted and turned back to his pad and pen.
“Good.”
The noble sat. He turned to a clean page and prepared to begin drawing again, but nothing came. His hand didn’t move. He couldn’t envision anything in his mind - he couldn’t even focus on his mother’s favorite vase by the window. The room had gotten cold suddenly. Ohno stood and went to the bell, ringing for Shun. He would have the servant start a fire and then he’d be able to draw again.
He turned to go back to the couch, and stopped abruptly. Nino was gone, and Ohno hadn’t heard him leave. Ohno frowned and wrapped his arms around himself, waiting. But even after Shun came and lit the fire, even after he was able to draw again, the cold didn’t leave the room.
------
“Then he was just gone,” Ohno sighed. He’d given her a been a carefully edited version of the story - Saya wouldn’t want to hear about what Nino expected from Ohno. Saya stayed silent. It took him a moment to register that, and when he did he looked over, concerned. “What is it, Saya-chan?”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve been silent for a long time.”
“I’m surprised you even noticed,” Saya said frostily.
Ohno blinked. “Of course I would.”
“Would you? You’ve spent so much time talking about that cousin of yours, I’m a bit surprised you actually remembered that I’m still here. You’re worse than you are when you draw, the way you’re going on and on about him.”
“What?” the noble frowned. “Going on about who?”
“That bedraggled thing who lives in your house!” Saya spat, “You’ve done nothing but talk about him this whole time. One would almost think that you’ve started to feel for him. God knows you never talk about me like that, if you ever talk about me at all.”
Ohno stared at his fiancee, his eyes wide, torn between the desire to remind her that Nino wasn’t a ‘thing’, nor was he bedraggled, and the desire to comfort her. Saya had never been so angry with him. She had never once accused him of looking at another woman - so what on earth was she getting angry about now?
“Saya-chan, of course I don’t feel for him. He’s just my cousin.”
Saya shrugged. “If you say so.”
“I do say so! Of course I do. Saya-chan, please don’t be like this. I’m courting you.”
“This isn’t my idea of courting. I certainly don’t feel like wanted or courted when you spend all our time together talking about him. We never speak about setting a date or picking the minister or reception hall. I don’t like to hear about him when I want you to be here with me, courting me.”
Ohno’s head spun. Picking dates? Ministers? Reception halls? By unspoken mutual agreement they’d never spoken about any of those things before. Not even with their parents. Saya had never been in a hurry to wed. He looked at her, taking her hand in his imploringly. “I am here with you. I’m here right now.”
“Then prove it.”
“Let’s go out,” Ohno said, only a little desperately, “We’ll go to your favorite café.”
Saya smiled slowly. “And to the department store after? I saw the prettiest dress I’d like to take a closer look at.”
Ohno prided himself on hiding the wince at the thought of shopping. It was never something he’d liked doing - he was more than content to let his mother shop for him. They were just clothes: if they fit that was all that mattered. He forced a smile. “Of course. Whatever you want. Just the two of us.”
Saya leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
------
Ohno’s step was weary and dragging when he arrived home, well after dark. There were still lights on, at least, which meant he wouldn’t be disturbing anybody. His feet hurt. The noble couldn’t remember having ever gone shopping for such a long time, and without a break. Saya had been determined to make him focus entirely on her, and it had worked. He’d hardly had time to breathe, let alone think about anything but keeping up with her.
The door was open and Ohno let himself in. The house was warm and pleasant. He sighed, indulging in the pleasure of kicking his shoes of and letting his coat fall messily to the ground. He’d pick it up later, or Shun would.
“Welcome home, Ohno,” Nino said quietly.
Ohno jumped a little; he hadn’t heard the boy come into the foyer. Nino didn’t seem upset about earlier - he was standing in the doorway to the living room and smiling shyly. He’d also not used a suffix on Ohno’s name, and so the noble smiled as brightly as he could force himself to. “It’s very good to be home.”
“Weren’t you with Saya-sama? Did you not have a nice time?” Nino asked. He sounded mildly but genuinely concerned, and Ohno couldn’t help but feel kindly towards him for that, despite his earlier ire.
“It was just very long. I don’t like shopping much.”
The noble smiled at Nino and held his hand out to the boy. Nino took Ohno’s hand and Ohno’s fingers curled around his easily. He noticed once again how nicely Nino’s hand fit into his palm. Saya’s didn’t even fit so well - her fingers were long and her nails were longer. They mostly twined arms and walked standing a little apart from each other, because otherwise they didn’t fit at all.
Nino tugged on the noble’s hand and Ohno, surprised, allowed Nino to lead him through the mansion and straight back into Ohno’s bedroom. The slight boy led Ohno to his own bed and gestured for the noble to lie down.
Ohno stared blankly at the bed cover, then at Nino, then back at the bed. “What?”
“You’re clearly tired and you look tense, Ohno-san,” Nino said. His eyes looked into Ohno’s guilelessly. “I can help you with that, at least, and then I’ll get you some supper - you probably haven’t eaten, right? Here, let me get your robe.”
That should have been his warning. It should have sent all the red flags in his mind up, but Ohno couldn’t detect anything from the boy. Maybe he was just too tired and couldn’t be bothered to try. Maybe he just didn’t want to. Ohno let Nino take the robe from his shoulders.
“Please lie down, Ohno.”
Ohno obeyed, laying down on his stomach while Nino placed the garment carefully on a chair. He closed his eyes tiredly and didn’t move until the boy climbed onto the bed next to him. He shifted over then, but Nino followed him and Ohno was too tired to move any farther.
“Stop moving. I have to be able to reach you.”
With a sigh, the noble gave in to the boy and Nino promptly used that inch to take the mile. In the boldest and most confident move Ohno had seen from Nino, the slight boy straddled the small of Ohno’s back. His hands moved quickly, finding their way around the noble’s shoulders and pressing down on knots of tension, releasing them. The sensation was so pleasurable that Ohno forgot what he’d been about to protest.
Nino’s hands moved steadily over Ohno’s shoulders - small, surprisingly strong fingers dug into the older man’s muscles and skillfully massaged away the tension Ohno had been carrying all day. He’d clearly done this before, and probably often, and he was very good at it. The noble moaned softly when one particularly sore point disappeared.
Above him Nino chuckled softly. “It feels better, doesn’t it?”
Ohno could barely form a coherent thought, and all he managed this time was another muted moan. Nino continued to work, moving down the older man’s back. Ohno could feel the warmth of the boy’s legs move down over his thighs as Nino massaged the small of Ohno’s back and his sides. Then, without warning, Nino’s nails dragged lightly over Ohno’s bare skin - right in the very sensitive curve of his back, raising bumps and causing the noble to shudder.
He tried to lift his head and look back. “What are - ?”
“I’m sorry, Ohno. I slipped,” Nino said smoothly.
Ohno’s eyes closed again and he submitted to the skill of Nino’s hands. He was starting to drift off when he felt Nino prompt him to move onto his side. Unthinking, he rolled over, and then rolled again so he was on his back at the younger boy’s continued prompting. He would have gone right back into his doze had it not been for the sudden warm wetness that felt so out of place on his chest and the rush of pleasure that followed it.
The noble’s eyes shot open and he craned to look down. Nino was licking softly at his nipple and his hands wandered down Ohno’s body, heading towards the tenting in his pants. Suddenly what Ohno thought had just been lazy warmth and sensation pooling in his belly, he came into full and shamed awareness of.
Ohno tensed, anger rolling through him, and pushed Nino away roughly, not caring where Nino might fall. He rolled off the bed. Nino followed him, standing his ground. The strange thing was that this was the first time Ohno had ever seen the boy look unapologetic. He bared his teeth at Nino in frustration.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Anger and shame and desire coursed through him. His body had reacted to Nino’s hands, and Nino knew it would have. Nino knew exactly what to do to make it respond. He should have known better than to trust the former Pet. He should have known better than to trust himself.
“I was massaging you,” Nino said blithely.
“Licking me is not a massage,” Ohno hissed.
“You want more but you won’t take it,” the boy retorted, “I know you do. You’ve even kissed me. It doesn’t have to be bad, Ohno - I don’t mind it if it’s you. I’ve been waiting for you to take it, I’m simply speeding up that process.”
Ohno saw red. He would never have abused the slight boy like that, even if Nino hadn’t gone through such pain in his life already. How could Nino even imply it? “I did no such thing - I would never do that!”
“You have, though you may not remember it,” Nino said.
“Don’t lie to me. There is nothing I want from you.”
“I think you do. Your body tells me that you do. You’re just afraid to admit it.”
“Oh, my body tells you things, does it?” the noble asked, his voice soft and low. “I suppose you would know what I want better than I do when it comes to that. Can you see life as anything else but sex and your misery? Do you know anything else?”
Nino flinched and looked down, his face bright red with shame, but Ohno pretended not to see it. Let the boy feel ashamed. He should be. The noble advanced on Nino, but the slight boy didn’t try to escape. Perhaps he thought Ohno was going to give in.
“You truly think I’m afraid?” Ohno asked, as though discussing the weather, “You truly think that I want anything of that sort from you? I thought I told you this morning - I don’t. Perhaps you don’t know how to listen. Perhaps I should give you what you think that I want. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? For me to play by your rules?”
He reached out and grabbed a fistful of Nino’s shirt, yanking the younger boy closer to him. Nino came along willingly. Ohno pulled the shirt up and off of Nino, discarding it carelessly on the floor. The slight boy licked his lips quickly, but otherwise held himself still. This was Ohno’s time.
Ohno’s hands were sure and steady as they traveled up the younger boy’s chest. Sometimes his long nails would brush over Nino’s skin as his fingers curved over muscle, and Nino tried not to shiver in satisfaction. The older man’s brushed the pads of his fingers over Nino’s nipples and watched the buds harden under his touch. Nino didn’t so much as twitch.
The noble cupped Nino’s neck with his left hand, traced abstract patterns on the younger boy’s skin with his thumb. Nino closed his eyes against desire. Then Ohno’s hand closed around Nino’s throat, just over his jugular and just tight enough to be a truly threatening gesture. Nino didn’t struggle or make a noise. He opened his eyes and waited.
“Is this what you want?” Ohno asked softly, “Is this what you think I want? To claim you and have you subservient and jumping at my every word? To use you at night and throw you into your pen in the morning?”
Nino stared calmly into the older man’s eyes. “It’s what everyone has always wanted.”
The noble’s fingers nearly tightened. His eyes narrowed. “Not me. I have a beautiful young lady who I am engaged to. I have been courting her for a very long time, and she loves me. She and I will be married one day. Understand me,” Ohno spat, “I do not want you. I want nothing to do with you.”
The younger boy stayed silent, but his eyes sparkled with defiance. You wanted me, his expression read, You wanted me when we met. You wanted me just now. For that moment, you wanted me.
Ohno couldn’t look at that face, because that face was right. He had wanted Nino. He’d wanted him so badly that if Nino hadn’t fallen asleep that first night he might have kissed him. If he hadn’t left early that morning, Ohno might have touched him. Even if he hadn’t been given away, Ohno would have taken him from Kitagawa so Nino couldn’t leave him.
Disgusted with himself, Ohno shoved Nino away.
Nino tripped over his feet, curling his body to protect himself from the fall in a business-like manner. He stayed on the floor where he fell and didn’t look at Ohno. A large part of him didn’t think this was real. It couldn’t be real - Ohno had never been disgusted with him. Ohno was the kind man who’d saved his life and offered him clothes to wear, and who didn’t care if Nino spoke out of turn. The man who encouraged Nino to play the guitar because he had heard him play one song, and not very well.
But it was real, he had only himself to blame. He had pushed Ohno for more, for something that Ohno didn’t want to give, on mere speculation. Perhaps a drunken kiss was really just a drunken kiss and not the loosening of inhibitions that Nino had assumed it was.
Nino curled his hands into fists. He’d pushed too much. He was only being punished as was right. Nino dared to look at the noble from under the cover of his hair. Ohno had been waiting for that - he drew himself upright, visibly forcing himself to stay calm.
“Get out of my sight, Nino,” Ohno said, his voice quiet and steady, “I want to forget you’re here. I’m tired of trying to see you through this. You’re no better than Kitagawa and his ilk. I shouldn’t have expected anything more. Go.”
Nino picked himself up from the floor and took up his shirt. He walked silently to the door of Ohno’s room and let himself out. He didn’t know where to go, so he just started moving. What could he do that would let Ohno forget he was there?
The slight boy reached his own room without being truly aware that he was heading for it. The sleeping clothes Ohno had given him - the first present he’d ever gotten - were laid out neatly on his bed, where he’d left them from this morning. Nino reached out and touched them hesitantly, like they’d bite him if he wasn’t careful. He pulled the sleeping shirt on and sat on the edge of his bed, wrapping his arms around himself.
Nothing really was his, Nino remembered, looking around the room, except maybe these clothes, because they’d been a present and they wouldn’t fit anyone else. Everything else was on loan from Ohno and his family out of their kindness. Nino felt a pang of remorse and squeezed his eyes shut.
He’d abused that kindness.
Nino had been so sure that if he just pushed a little, Ohno would take what he was supposed to want. He’d been so sure that Ohno was just being kind and waiting for Nino to be okay. What else was hand-holding for, if not to make sure that the Pet still came to you? Hadn’t Ohno brought Nino to his bed the first night they’d met? Hadn’t Ohno kissed him? He’d been so sure that Ohno just needed that push, needed Nino to initiate so he’d know that Nino was okay with it. He’d been so sure that Ohno was just too willing to delay his gratification. But he’d misread Ohno horribly. He’d been too sure; too confident that he knew what Ohno wanted. He’d been so very wrong, and now he was paying for that undue confidence.
Now Ohno wanted to forget that Nino was there.
He could do that. He could disappear, and Ohno would never have to see him again. Nino stood and changed into his sleeping clothes. He couldn’t carry anything more with him. It would be chilly, but he’d withstood cold for longer periods of time, and he hadn’t been as well fed then. The shirts and pants would be enough for now; everything else he could work for. It couldn’t be so hard to find someone else who wanted him and would take him in as a bed-warmer if nothing else.
With a mansion as large and as unpopulated as Ohno’s, it was easy enough to slip out unnoticed from his bedroom. Nino was careful not to make a sound as he made his way down the stairs - he’d memorized all the boards that creaked. Ohno was probably still in his room, or perhaps he was washing. It didn’t matter.
One thing Nino could say he prided himself on was his memory. He had a good head for directions and landmarks. On the way back, following along after the prince Sakurai and Shun, he’d busied himself with memorizing corners and interesting buildings. At the time it was just better than having to interact with the prince. Now it meant that Nino knew how to reach the main city roads, and he could better and more quickly disappear.
He didn’t turn back, so he didn’t see Nakai watching his retreating back thoughtfully.
------
Ohno wasn’t happy with himself.
He’d stared at the spot where Nino had lain on the floor for a long time after the younger boy had closed the door behind himself and couldn’t make himself move. His memory replayed the boy falling, how Nino hadn’t even made a sound; just curled up and landed. He could still see the numbed look on Nino’s face, it stayed unbidden in his mind’s eye and wouldn’t go away. He could see the hurt and shame radiating from every line of Nino’s body.
He still felt dirty.
He didn’t know how long it had taken him before he could move again, but when his body was back under his own control, Ohno fairly raced into the washroom to bathe. Only when he was practically submerged did he finally let himself dwell on what he’d done.
And, oh, how he’d done it. He’d told Nino off. He’d told Nino to go away and leave him to Saya, as he’d sworn to her he would do. Ohno had never lied to anybody before that trip to the Eastlands, because he’d never felt the need to. He was lying a lot these days, to Saya, to his parents, and even to Sho. Worst of all, he’d lied to Nino’s face.
Because Nino was so painfully right. Ohno did want him. Ohno had wanted him since he’d first seen the boy kneeling on the floor to greet Kitagawa, and that scared him. So he’d reacted through his shame and hurt Nino with biting words and negligent actions to cover up a bodily reaction he couldn’t contain. Ohno snorted derisively at himself - like Nino hadn’t had enough of that in his short life.
In a sense, he’d done it for his future wife. He didn’t like it.
Twenty minutes after his bath, Ohno was standing in front of Nino’s door. Like lying, he was standing in front of Nino’s door a lot these days. This was the first time he was standing there to flat out apologize to the boy, though. He’d never wanted to hurt Nino. He’d not, in fact, had any want of Nino other than to keep him safe and happy.
Good work you’ve done with that, Ohno thought bitterly.
He knocked once more and opened the door, hoping that this time would yield something more than an empty room. Ohno had checked the boy’s room three times already, and each time he’d come up with an empty, echoing space. Nino was making it very hard for Ohno to apologize.
Ohno had checked his whole mansion four times over, even going into his parent’s bedroom. He’d checked the small studio where Nino had discovered the guitar but Nino wasn’t playing. He’d gone into the kitchens, but neither Shun nor Ryuji had seen hide nor hair of the boy. Tabe-chan and Leader were equally of no help.
Nino’s room was still silent and empty, as it had been the first three times. Nino’s clothes were all there, as they had been the first three times. Nothing had been disturbed. Only the boy’s sleeping clothes were gone, which surely meant that Nino had to be nearby. Perhaps he was down by the pond.
Ohno bit on his lip as he thought. He’d been more than harsh with Nino, and unnecessarily so; perhaps hiding from Ohno was Nino’s way of getting back at him. He knew that Ohno liked to know where Nino was, even if they weren’t doing something together. It hurt too much to think that Nino was afraid of him now, so Ohno didn’t allow himself to. He left Nino’s room and started walking through the halls of his home again, aimlessly. He opened every door onto an empty room, and closed it behind him as he went.
Where could Nino have gone? He still wasn’t completely recovered. It was worrying.
“He probably wants time,” Ohno murmured to himself.
He looked distractedly around his studio, fingers trailing over his brushes and paints. Nino didn’t ever come here, not since Ohno had asked him not to. He would watch Ohno if he found the noble drawing anywhere else, but he never came into the studio. Ohno himself hadn’t come to the studio in weeks, choosing to draw in places where Nino could easily find him and invite himself to sit down.
Ohno sat down in front of the easel and picked up his palate and a brush. He immediately put them down and stood up again. There was no way he would be able to concentrate. What was Nino doing? What if Nino had hurt himself and Ohno didn’t know about it? Quick steps brought him back down to the kitchens before he was aware he was heading for them. When he requested Nino’s favorite food, a meat dish that Ohno’s mother had discovered quite by accident while experimenting in the kitchen one day, Ryuji didn’t look entirely surprised.
Neither did his mother, but Ohno didn’t have time to think about that.
He had a boy to find.