(no subject)
I'm tired and tired and tired but I've got a lot of thoughts bouncing around in here. Can't do much else but get them out.
Thursday I interviewed for the position of Domestic Supervisor at the 1900 farm, and, while I'm not supposed to talk about this at work yet, I got the job. Nancy was very complimentary about my interview, said it was ideal, but more importantly, Brett and Tony both want me to have the job. Since they're the ones I'm concerned about and will be working with most often, if they hadn't wanted me, I wouldn't have applied.
Shannon told me not to. She said I didn't have the experience to handle it. And that was hard for me to hear, cause I thought that I was doing a damn good job and learning quickly. I took her advice to heart though and decided that I wasn't going to apply. But the more people talked to me, the more people thought I was crazy not to apply. They encouraged me and offered help whenever I need it and convinced me that there wasn't anyone else they would rather have in that position.
I should really be happier about all this. I am happy that I got the offer. Between the three of us on the farm right now, I think that we have a great direction and attitude about the farms and 1900 in specific. It's great to know that there won't be someone else coming in with a more dictatorial attitude trying to run my show. There's a lot of work to do though, and I'm worried that I'm not going to be perfect. That I'm going to let down everyone who encouraged me and put their faith in me enough to give me a significant promotion after only 6 months.
I'm scared because for the first time in a very long time I don't have a plan for the future. Things are completely amorphous at the moment; somewhere there's a house and kids and a husband. But I don't know if that's in 5 years or 10 or 2 and I don't know if it's Iowa or Italy or Massachusetts, or Colorado, Wisconsin, Minnesota, or Chicago. I don't know if I'm a museum director, working in an education department, or still interpreting. Maybe I have my MA. Maybe I have my PhD. Maybe I have a dozen folk school classes under my belt.
I've always had someone to love, and someone who loved me back to fall into when I got unsure about something. Since highschool and Andrew, I've had the support of a steady relationship. I'm missing that safety net desperately, but I think it's good that I'm learning to "self soothe." As much as I want someone to help me de-stress a bit, it's good for me to be in pain and confused and full of personal angst. I've been avoiding that kind of growth for too long.
Let's hope it's all worth it in the end.
Thursday I interviewed for the position of Domestic Supervisor at the 1900 farm, and, while I'm not supposed to talk about this at work yet, I got the job. Nancy was very complimentary about my interview, said it was ideal, but more importantly, Brett and Tony both want me to have the job. Since they're the ones I'm concerned about and will be working with most often, if they hadn't wanted me, I wouldn't have applied.
Shannon told me not to. She said I didn't have the experience to handle it. And that was hard for me to hear, cause I thought that I was doing a damn good job and learning quickly. I took her advice to heart though and decided that I wasn't going to apply. But the more people talked to me, the more people thought I was crazy not to apply. They encouraged me and offered help whenever I need it and convinced me that there wasn't anyone else they would rather have in that position.
I should really be happier about all this. I am happy that I got the offer. Between the three of us on the farm right now, I think that we have a great direction and attitude about the farms and 1900 in specific. It's great to know that there won't be someone else coming in with a more dictatorial attitude trying to run my show. There's a lot of work to do though, and I'm worried that I'm not going to be perfect. That I'm going to let down everyone who encouraged me and put their faith in me enough to give me a significant promotion after only 6 months.
I'm scared because for the first time in a very long time I don't have a plan for the future. Things are completely amorphous at the moment; somewhere there's a house and kids and a husband. But I don't know if that's in 5 years or 10 or 2 and I don't know if it's Iowa or Italy or Massachusetts, or Colorado, Wisconsin, Minnesota, or Chicago. I don't know if I'm a museum director, working in an education department, or still interpreting. Maybe I have my MA. Maybe I have my PhD. Maybe I have a dozen folk school classes under my belt.
I've always had someone to love, and someone who loved me back to fall into when I got unsure about something. Since highschool and Andrew, I've had the support of a steady relationship. I'm missing that safety net desperately, but I think it's good that I'm learning to "self soothe." As much as I want someone to help me de-stress a bit, it's good for me to be in pain and confused and full of personal angst. I've been avoiding that kind of growth for too long.
Let's hope it's all worth it in the end.