Things I did today...
Today started out well enough. Work was work, and as a delivery driver the holiday season is so very busy for me. There are ups, and there are downs, and once in a while I get a real treat. Today offered a very nice switch from the norm. I got to break my boss. In the interest of not bogging down friend lists, I shall put it behind a cut.
Now let me explain how things work where I am employed. I am pretty low on the totem pole when it comes to power. I have a team leader, a supervisor, an assistant manager, a manager, a corporate rep, and finally a Boss. Notice the capital letter there. This guy oozes money and I'm pretty sure that he wipes his ass with paychecks that far outclass mine. I've been there eight months now and he's made eye contact with me on one occassion. Today I got him to do a bit more than that. Allow me to continue:
There was a brief lull in the chaos that is morning sort, and so I and a few coworkers went outside for smokes and gossip, which is my favorite part of the day because the only adjective that truly describes most of these guys is "swarthy." These grizzled mountain men are my kind of guys. Burly, crass, quick-witted, and in many respects, quite raunchy. As a result, off-coloured jokes get passed around a lot. Alas, we got a little too into it, and the manager overheard.
About half a minute later I find myself in a chair that costs more than my car and I'm facing The Boss. Here is our conversation as close as I can recall it.
The Boss: "So, you're... Blaine."
Me: "That's my route. We get confused all the time. I'm Tymbre."
The Boss: "Ah, yeah. I heard good things about you. You're the fast guy."
Me: "Not really. I'm just the competant guy, but thanks for the compliment. So what can I do for you on this fine, wonderous day?"
The Boss: "Well, your performance is great. Your gap times are the lowest on your route and actually, second best in the history of the station here, and (snip a bit of ego-stroking) But here's the problem... Our policies that I outlined just now prohibit offensive music, comments, and pretty much anything else that someone might take offense to. And I heard your water cooler talk out there."
Just fucking wonderful. I get attention at last, but it's not the kind I want. Given the history of this guy firing people just for shits and giggles, I figured one of three things are going to happen. I get reamed and written up, I get fired for making a bad joke, or I play it cool and try to diffuse the situation. Of course I chose the third option and then began to screw it up royally within the first sentence. Observe...
Me: "Yeah, I really am sorry about that and things will never happen again. But in all honesty, that rule is childish."
The Boss: "Oh really? Tell me your thinking behind this."
Me: "Um.. Okay. First off, I know I'm not going to get fired for this because you said at a meeting a few weeks back that this is a Christian company and that we have to act as such. I'm Muslim. As of yesterday. And I find that comment offensive. Now can we talk off the record?"
The Boss: "Yeah, talk quick."
Me: "My life is a gay nigger joke. I think I'm allowed to tell one once in a while. Can we just have a rule so that we can decide what offends us rather than have management treat us like children? If someone complains about the joke, then feel free to write me up. Just... Don't do this just because you have the power. It won't stop the comments in private. It'll just increase resentment of people and lower the already spiraling work morale here. I'll take blame if someone is actually offended by something I say, but I think it's rather bad business to make everyone feel as if they have to be censored because someone with a chip on thier shoulder might be reading my lips through binoculars. Don't co-opt my pain and the pain of others. I'm not offended by jokes about my race. No one here is. That's why we tell them. Let us decide."
The Boss (now quite red): "You must not like your job."
Me: "Well I prefer it over yours anytime. I get to talk with real people every day, have really good job security because I'm the only one who can run my route this time of year, and I get to mess with people who can't fire me due to my minority status and affiliation with the union representatives. Hey, did you hear the one about the police officer and the truck driver? It's downright naughty."
I still have my job. My supervisor took me aside and berated me for a bit, but I'm still employed no matter how hard I try. The Boss was broken and couldn't do anything for the next hour so he went home. And that's where babies come from. Thanks for listening and Happy Holidays.
Now let me explain how things work where I am employed. I am pretty low on the totem pole when it comes to power. I have a team leader, a supervisor, an assistant manager, a manager, a corporate rep, and finally a Boss. Notice the capital letter there. This guy oozes money and I'm pretty sure that he wipes his ass with paychecks that far outclass mine. I've been there eight months now and he's made eye contact with me on one occassion. Today I got him to do a bit more than that. Allow me to continue:
There was a brief lull in the chaos that is morning sort, and so I and a few coworkers went outside for smokes and gossip, which is my favorite part of the day because the only adjective that truly describes most of these guys is "swarthy." These grizzled mountain men are my kind of guys. Burly, crass, quick-witted, and in many respects, quite raunchy. As a result, off-coloured jokes get passed around a lot. Alas, we got a little too into it, and the manager overheard.
About half a minute later I find myself in a chair that costs more than my car and I'm facing The Boss. Here is our conversation as close as I can recall it.
The Boss: "So, you're... Blaine."
Me: "That's my route. We get confused all the time. I'm Tymbre."
The Boss: "Ah, yeah. I heard good things about you. You're the fast guy."
Me: "Not really. I'm just the competant guy, but thanks for the compliment. So what can I do for you on this fine, wonderous day?"
The Boss: "Well, your performance is great. Your gap times are the lowest on your route and actually, second best in the history of the station here, and (snip a bit of ego-stroking) But here's the problem... Our policies that I outlined just now prohibit offensive music, comments, and pretty much anything else that someone might take offense to. And I heard your water cooler talk out there."
Just fucking wonderful. I get attention at last, but it's not the kind I want. Given the history of this guy firing people just for shits and giggles, I figured one of three things are going to happen. I get reamed and written up, I get fired for making a bad joke, or I play it cool and try to diffuse the situation. Of course I chose the third option and then began to screw it up royally within the first sentence. Observe...
Me: "Yeah, I really am sorry about that and things will never happen again. But in all honesty, that rule is childish."
The Boss: "Oh really? Tell me your thinking behind this."
Me: "Um.. Okay. First off, I know I'm not going to get fired for this because you said at a meeting a few weeks back that this is a Christian company and that we have to act as such. I'm Muslim. As of yesterday. And I find that comment offensive. Now can we talk off the record?"
The Boss: "Yeah, talk quick."
Me: "My life is a gay nigger joke. I think I'm allowed to tell one once in a while. Can we just have a rule so that we can decide what offends us rather than have management treat us like children? If someone complains about the joke, then feel free to write me up. Just... Don't do this just because you have the power. It won't stop the comments in private. It'll just increase resentment of people and lower the already spiraling work morale here. I'll take blame if someone is actually offended by something I say, but I think it's rather bad business to make everyone feel as if they have to be censored because someone with a chip on thier shoulder might be reading my lips through binoculars. Don't co-opt my pain and the pain of others. I'm not offended by jokes about my race. No one here is. That's why we tell them. Let us decide."
The Boss (now quite red): "You must not like your job."
Me: "Well I prefer it over yours anytime. I get to talk with real people every day, have really good job security because I'm the only one who can run my route this time of year, and I get to mess with people who can't fire me due to my minority status and affiliation with the union representatives. Hey, did you hear the one about the police officer and the truck driver? It's downright naughty."
I still have my job. My supervisor took me aside and berated me for a bit, but I'm still employed no matter how hard I try. The Boss was broken and couldn't do anything for the next hour so he went home. And that's where babies come from. Thanks for listening and Happy Holidays.