Some days...
It's rare that I get the urge to write down the events of a day, but today was just plain odd. Let me give you the rundown...
I woke up bright and early (translation: noon) after spending the night working on the fine art of onanism. The day started off interestingly enough... My husband came home from a trip early, and was beside me when I woke, so that got the day off right. I ran into a friend online and what was meant to be a quick hi turned into about three hours of chatting and fond reminiscing. This of course made it so that I had to leave MUCH later than planned and had to rush to make it to the bank.
Today was the date of a major sale that was by invitation only so I preened for a while. Exfoliating facial wash, hot shower with vitamin oils, pheremone-laced shampoo, the whole kit and caboodle. I put on some of my better clothes, a nice high thread black suit, black satin shirt, and a bloodred hand crafted silk tie that cost more than my first paycheck. If there's anything that'll make people spend money on shiney things, it's sillk. I don't know why, but them's the breaks. After spritzing on some cologne that would fit better at a porn shoot, I stepped out the door and was greeted by a rather curious scent.
Apparently someone took it upon themselves to defecate in my stairwell. Not a little tiny bit, either. This log was man-sized and a quick glance reminded me that some nuts do not digest well. I think it was charging flies rent by the size and the swarm that were around it, and there was a none too pleasant scent about it in the hot humid air. After stepping around it and the runny liquids that were making thier way down the hall, I realized I had no friggin idea where the car was. So there goes about ten minutes of searching only to find hidden behind an SUV. Good start to the day, right?
Now my car won't win any beauty contests. My job is to look expensive so when I give someone a bill for about ten thousand dollars they'll feel bad about pretending it's a lot of money in front of me. The damn thing is old, ugly, and beat up. But it's pretty reliable and I'm thanking myself for the good brakes when a car in front of me hits someone while going downhill with enough force to send the rear of thier vehicle up into the air and then into the other lane, thoroughly blocking traffic. I lol. I lolled SO hard. So far it's taken me almost half an hour to travel what takes 5 minutes, and now there's an accident between me an a huge appointment. Luckily some kind soul who was passing by actually got into the line of traffic and used hand signals to keep it going.
By now there's no way to make it to the bank in time, so I head right to work. Apparently half the city decided that it was a beautiful day so taking naps behind the wheel would be acceptable. No sooner am I off the interstate than I narrowly miss a woman changing lanes and cutting me off with inches to spare. Apparently three lanes going straight just aren't enough for some people. Appropriate shouting and finger gestures were rigorously applied, and to my surprise she moves over to the other lane again only to come right back and merge right in front of me with such suddeness that she hits the truck in front of me and I in return rear end her lightly. (hehe "rearend")
Her excuse was that I was "in her colorblind spot" and "if she knew it was me she'd never have done it." Note: I scare some people. Before I could really get into it with her, she sped off again, going through a red light and vanishing. It was then that I realized I never got her plate number. But well.. No bother. My car wasn't scratched and I was almost late, so I made it to work JUST in time.
The next five hours were BUSY. People came in, smiled, bought things they don't need with money they didn't have using payments they didn't understand, and everyone was pleased. Four hours into it I realized something. I hadn't sold shit. But hey... I'm so far ahead I could care less and the night ended with dinner and my boss laughing so hard he nearly passed out. So all in all... today was interesting.
And now here I sit, waiting for a roomate to move in at 1am after only finding out he'd actually be moving in with us earlier in the day. and wondering what tomorrow will bring. I love never being bored. =p
I woke up bright and early (translation: noon) after spending the night working on the fine art of onanism. The day started off interestingly enough... My husband came home from a trip early, and was beside me when I woke, so that got the day off right. I ran into a friend online and what was meant to be a quick hi turned into about three hours of chatting and fond reminiscing. This of course made it so that I had to leave MUCH later than planned and had to rush to make it to the bank.
Today was the date of a major sale that was by invitation only so I preened for a while. Exfoliating facial wash, hot shower with vitamin oils, pheremone-laced shampoo, the whole kit and caboodle. I put on some of my better clothes, a nice high thread black suit, black satin shirt, and a bloodred hand crafted silk tie that cost more than my first paycheck. If there's anything that'll make people spend money on shiney things, it's sillk. I don't know why, but them's the breaks. After spritzing on some cologne that would fit better at a porn shoot, I stepped out the door and was greeted by a rather curious scent.
Apparently someone took it upon themselves to defecate in my stairwell. Not a little tiny bit, either. This log was man-sized and a quick glance reminded me that some nuts do not digest well. I think it was charging flies rent by the size and the swarm that were around it, and there was a none too pleasant scent about it in the hot humid air. After stepping around it and the runny liquids that were making thier way down the hall, I realized I had no friggin idea where the car was. So there goes about ten minutes of searching only to find hidden behind an SUV. Good start to the day, right?
Now my car won't win any beauty contests. My job is to look expensive so when I give someone a bill for about ten thousand dollars they'll feel bad about pretending it's a lot of money in front of me. The damn thing is old, ugly, and beat up. But it's pretty reliable and I'm thanking myself for the good brakes when a car in front of me hits someone while going downhill with enough force to send the rear of thier vehicle up into the air and then into the other lane, thoroughly blocking traffic. I lol. I lolled SO hard. So far it's taken me almost half an hour to travel what takes 5 minutes, and now there's an accident between me an a huge appointment. Luckily some kind soul who was passing by actually got into the line of traffic and used hand signals to keep it going.
By now there's no way to make it to the bank in time, so I head right to work. Apparently half the city decided that it was a beautiful day so taking naps behind the wheel would be acceptable. No sooner am I off the interstate than I narrowly miss a woman changing lanes and cutting me off with inches to spare. Apparently three lanes going straight just aren't enough for some people. Appropriate shouting and finger gestures were rigorously applied, and to my surprise she moves over to the other lane again only to come right back and merge right in front of me with such suddeness that she hits the truck in front of me and I in return rear end her lightly. (hehe "rearend")
Her excuse was that I was "in her colorblind spot" and "if she knew it was me she'd never have done it." Note: I scare some people. Before I could really get into it with her, she sped off again, going through a red light and vanishing. It was then that I realized I never got her plate number. But well.. No bother. My car wasn't scratched and I was almost late, so I made it to work JUST in time.
The next five hours were BUSY. People came in, smiled, bought things they don't need with money they didn't have using payments they didn't understand, and everyone was pleased. Four hours into it I realized something. I hadn't sold shit. But hey... I'm so far ahead I could care less and the night ended with dinner and my boss laughing so hard he nearly passed out. So all in all... today was interesting.
And now here I sit, waiting for a roomate to move in at 1am after only finding out he'd actually be moving in with us earlier in the day. and wondering what tomorrow will bring. I love never being bored. =p