The Mother That Wasnt There

[tymbre]

Every time I think of her
My heart is ashamed
My inner self is trembling
For the sadness
For the help of others
Every time I hear her name
My mind screams
In shame
For everything that it wasn’t worth
For everything that I could have had
For the Meth
For the life she was living
If I had one more day with her
I know who she could be
If I had one more phone call with her
I know who I could be
Every time I hear people doing Meth
My body shakes in fear
For their Mothers,
Fathers,
Sisters,
Brothers,
And friends,
For their loves,
Teachers,
And close relatives.
Every time I heard someone’s interrupted lives
Effected by the horrific drug
My ears bleed with worry and fear
Every time her name
Just her name
Is there in the air
My lips just tremble
With tears flowing
And a high pitched voice
Everyday I have to live
With out her near
Everyday I hear her voice knowing she isn’t there
My mind wonders on memories
That are no longer appear
Everyday that she is gone
My heart is stabbed
By the things that I could have
The things that I need
The things that should be
For every time you are not there,
Others aren’t either
If only they could understand
The pain that I carry with me
Everywhere
If only they could understand
What is really going on in my head,
In my heart,
In my soul,
You tore that from me
All feelings
All thoughts
You tore that from me
Every time you think of me
Just forget about it
Mother you killed yourself
And the ones who once loved you
We did not kill you
You killed yourself
No more weeping should be there
But only God knows
He knows the feeling,
The thoughts,
The anger,
The hurt,
The guilt,
That is in my heart!