Tuesday Night
These candies from dinner tonight taste so good. Spaghetti and Meatballs with infinite Garlic Bread. Yum. Lots of snow here today. Not something people in Vancouver are used to. Not something I'm really used to anymore. I kind of left that all behind, or so I thought. It will be gone by tomorrow. I thought about dusting the car off, but I let it be. It looks like a big blue Frosted Mini Wheat. Today was a typical day for me lately. Not much to do other than work and only when called. Sean wants me to pay more attention to him and see him more but I haven't been able to do that. I don't really know why... I suppose every thing up there isn't where I want to be right now.
I've been feeling weird lately, almost like I'm missing something. I went home at christmas and it was nice to see my family again. It re-affirmed that I couldn't live there again. I suppose it's nice having my own space, especially with my lifestyle and all. That was never something I wished to share with them. Or anyone they know. This weird feeling, I think, is related to being afraid that "this is it". Monogamous relationships are near impossible at my age and being the way I am, I suppose I have little faith that I will ever have a family. I guess I'm just worried that I'll be where I am right now, in thirty years, alone. I think a lot of guys in my situation feel that way and fake their way through life. I'm not yet sure if that's an option for me.
I miss being in Ontario but there's a whole bag of wonderful tricks waiting for me there. My mother is ashambles and I'm the only one left to care. My aunt wont be far behind, and my grandma's are both getting older. Am I hiding out here because I'm afraid to deal with these honest realities? My job is much better here, but life-wise, the difference between Toronto and Vancouver are minimal. Pros and cons!
I've been feeling weird lately, almost like I'm missing something. I went home at christmas and it was nice to see my family again. It re-affirmed that I couldn't live there again. I suppose it's nice having my own space, especially with my lifestyle and all. That was never something I wished to share with them. Or anyone they know. This weird feeling, I think, is related to being afraid that "this is it". Monogamous relationships are near impossible at my age and being the way I am, I suppose I have little faith that I will ever have a family. I guess I'm just worried that I'll be where I am right now, in thirty years, alone. I think a lot of guys in my situation feel that way and fake their way through life. I'm not yet sure if that's an option for me.
I miss being in Ontario but there's a whole bag of wonderful tricks waiting for me there. My mother is ashambles and I'm the only one left to care. My aunt wont be far behind, and my grandma's are both getting older. Am I hiding out here because I'm afraid to deal with these honest realities? My job is much better here, but life-wise, the difference between Toronto and Vancouver are minimal. Pros and cons!