hmmmmm....
it's thursday night.... i've got the apartment to myself for the first time in awhile.... greg is closing tonight and tomorrow night so i literally won't see him for like 2 days just because we now have opposite work schedules.... oh no! whatever will i do with all this alone time... hmmmm.... perhaps write more... clean some.... or waste more time online.... which i haven't really been doing at all of late.... it would be nice to read a good book as well..... i've been craving a good book.... i also want to re-read angels in america.... i think the miniseries already started on HBO... i'll probably wait until they release it on dvd or play a marathon or something.... i don't want to come in on it in the middle.... i'm not even sure how it's broken up... if it's two parts or more.... no clue.... i just know that it was one of the only things i enjoyed reading in that class.... i can't even remember which class it was.... i think it was humanities with Dean Roth... yikes... i had forgotten i even had the displeasure of being his student.... but he did bring this one good thing into my life... so i guess he served a positive purpose....
anyway.... last week i suffered through the hoboken flu as crackhead has deemed it... i don't think i ever had the flu before, i certainly never had any flu like this.... i didn't eat for 3 days, almost 4 really, which for me is like unheard of... i couldn't keep ANYTHING down, not even liquids.... i think i was as empty as a human can be and still be alive.... i had a constant chill, body aches from hell, congestion, coughing, fever.... it was so bad i actually went to the doctor... for the first time in my adult life i actually used my medical insurance.... i lucked out and found a doctor 2 blocks from here.... thank god, because i wasn't in any condition to drive.... the doc was cool and i will probably go back when i'm fully healthy and just get a regular physical.... it couldn't hurt to make sure everything is going to hell as i imagine.... it was funny when i went in, the nurse or doctor's assistant or whatever she was had to weigh me.... i got on the scale and she put the thing where i KNEW she was way under.... like she needed to be in the next section up... and i knew it, but i didn't say anything... so she throws the other little part all the way to the top and it's still not enough weight.... i'm chuckling in my head.... she gets the thing to balance after shifting the big one over and she says, "does that seem right to you? that can't be right?" the other nurse was just like, well it's the end of the day she's got two meals in her.... i'm thinking, i haven't eaten in 3 days..... the nurses couldn't believe i weigh as much as i do... which really doesn't shock me at all, because i don't ever feel like i look like i weigh as much as i do numerically..... it's bizarre.... very bizarre.... she ended up subtracting like 7 pounds because she just couldn't accept that i weighed that much.... i just laughed.... i have such a strange life....
i'm still feeling under the weather but the last 2 days have really shown improvement... like i can notice the difference in how i feel.... i just have to kick this cough and i will be done with it... anywho.... the other night when i was still feeling kinda shitty i had a really bad headache and every noise was annoying me.... i couldn't deal with vicki even speaking to greg in the next room.... i was on my bed and i had my head in my pillow and i was just having a good 'ol freak out session right in my pillow.... i was having a completely schizophrenic moment... it was a little scary at the time.... i was a bit scared about what was going on in my head, how i was feeling... i didn't like it... but i weathered it.... sometimes i really do wonder if medication could be beneficial.... maybe i didn't start off chemically imbalanced, but perhaps years of smoking weed and burning brain cells has begun to take its toll on my head.... sometimes i really do have some crazy IRRATIONAL crazy moments.... sometimes i really am scared of life and other times i feel like i'm the only one who really knows what's going on.... i think that i'm really good at fooling myself, but i know i've mentioned that in here somewhere before... so i guess none of this is new....
my first direct deposit into my savings finally went through last week.... woohoo, one more step towards responsibility and adulthood.... some days i really wish i had my own place and other days i'm extremely thankful to have my roomies.... but i think that's normal... everyone craves their own space and privacy once in awhile right? :)
that was a little all over the place, but who the fuck cares.... i could write about a bunch more shit, but that's all it would be... shit... and ER is about to start.... so the shit will have to wait...
anyway.... last week i suffered through the hoboken flu as crackhead has deemed it... i don't think i ever had the flu before, i certainly never had any flu like this.... i didn't eat for 3 days, almost 4 really, which for me is like unheard of... i couldn't keep ANYTHING down, not even liquids.... i think i was as empty as a human can be and still be alive.... i had a constant chill, body aches from hell, congestion, coughing, fever.... it was so bad i actually went to the doctor... for the first time in my adult life i actually used my medical insurance.... i lucked out and found a doctor 2 blocks from here.... thank god, because i wasn't in any condition to drive.... the doc was cool and i will probably go back when i'm fully healthy and just get a regular physical.... it couldn't hurt to make sure everything is going to hell as i imagine.... it was funny when i went in, the nurse or doctor's assistant or whatever she was had to weigh me.... i got on the scale and she put the thing where i KNEW she was way under.... like she needed to be in the next section up... and i knew it, but i didn't say anything... so she throws the other little part all the way to the top and it's still not enough weight.... i'm chuckling in my head.... she gets the thing to balance after shifting the big one over and she says, "does that seem right to you? that can't be right?" the other nurse was just like, well it's the end of the day she's got two meals in her.... i'm thinking, i haven't eaten in 3 days..... the nurses couldn't believe i weigh as much as i do... which really doesn't shock me at all, because i don't ever feel like i look like i weigh as much as i do numerically..... it's bizarre.... very bizarre.... she ended up subtracting like 7 pounds because she just couldn't accept that i weighed that much.... i just laughed.... i have such a strange life....
i'm still feeling under the weather but the last 2 days have really shown improvement... like i can notice the difference in how i feel.... i just have to kick this cough and i will be done with it... anywho.... the other night when i was still feeling kinda shitty i had a really bad headache and every noise was annoying me.... i couldn't deal with vicki even speaking to greg in the next room.... i was on my bed and i had my head in my pillow and i was just having a good 'ol freak out session right in my pillow.... i was having a completely schizophrenic moment... it was a little scary at the time.... i was a bit scared about what was going on in my head, how i was feeling... i didn't like it... but i weathered it.... sometimes i really do wonder if medication could be beneficial.... maybe i didn't start off chemically imbalanced, but perhaps years of smoking weed and burning brain cells has begun to take its toll on my head.... sometimes i really do have some crazy IRRATIONAL crazy moments.... sometimes i really am scared of life and other times i feel like i'm the only one who really knows what's going on.... i think that i'm really good at fooling myself, but i know i've mentioned that in here somewhere before... so i guess none of this is new....
my first direct deposit into my savings finally went through last week.... woohoo, one more step towards responsibility and adulthood.... some days i really wish i had my own place and other days i'm extremely thankful to have my roomies.... but i think that's normal... everyone craves their own space and privacy once in awhile right? :)
that was a little all over the place, but who the fuck cares.... i could write about a bunch more shit, but that's all it would be... shit... and ER is about to start.... so the shit will have to wait...