(no subject)
So much stuff to do that I'm just not doing but I don't know why. Writing this is redundant as nothing's changed since the last entry. I just felt the need to type out random thoughts.
It's really weird though. I tend to get like this when I finish doing a bunch of things and have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow or just can't quite see tomorrow in my mind. That's where my head's at right now. There's a certain sense of peace about it because I can say that I don't have anything to worry about. I think part of me always wants something to be happening whether it's bad or good. I'm the type of person that will go out and subconciously look for problems to solve. Some psychologist would probably call that destructive behavior and I'd have to agree. It just seems like I like to fix everything. Maybe I should have been a doctor. Maybe that's why I don't have a clear picture of my future; if there's nothing that's fucked up then there's nothing for me to fix and therefore nothing to do. It's nice when you realize that your mind runs on faulty logic. But lately I feel like I need a faulty logic oil change. For one reason or another nothing seems to be working out that well. Everything's okay, there's nothing wrong, no problems. It's just that okay is not good enough for me. I have to have better than okay. I'm greedy like that. Or I could have said that I like to search for more importance in things. Just imagine either statement based on how you see me. I know it's a mix of the two. There's a humble and noble side of me and then there's a rude and arrogant side too. Not sure which one I like more, they have their pros and cons. But something in me thinks that good guys will end up on top so I'll take my chances with that humble guy who's not doing so well. Being an underdog is fun and apparently inviting. But absolutely nothing I just said makes sense. To you, to me, to whoever. It's just a bunch of unprocessed thoughts that are not really reflective of anything. A redundancy in it's purest form. But who cares? I'm out of words.
It's really weird though. I tend to get like this when I finish doing a bunch of things and have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow or just can't quite see tomorrow in my mind. That's where my head's at right now. There's a certain sense of peace about it because I can say that I don't have anything to worry about. I think part of me always wants something to be happening whether it's bad or good. I'm the type of person that will go out and subconciously look for problems to solve. Some psychologist would probably call that destructive behavior and I'd have to agree. It just seems like I like to fix everything. Maybe I should have been a doctor. Maybe that's why I don't have a clear picture of my future; if there's nothing that's fucked up then there's nothing for me to fix and therefore nothing to do. It's nice when you realize that your mind runs on faulty logic. But lately I feel like I need a faulty logic oil change. For one reason or another nothing seems to be working out that well. Everything's okay, there's nothing wrong, no problems. It's just that okay is not good enough for me. I have to have better than okay. I'm greedy like that. Or I could have said that I like to search for more importance in things. Just imagine either statement based on how you see me. I know it's a mix of the two. There's a humble and noble side of me and then there's a rude and arrogant side too. Not sure which one I like more, they have their pros and cons. But something in me thinks that good guys will end up on top so I'll take my chances with that humble guy who's not doing so well. Being an underdog is fun and apparently inviting. But absolutely nothing I just said makes sense. To you, to me, to whoever. It's just a bunch of unprocessed thoughts that are not really reflective of anything. A redundancy in it's purest form. But who cares? I'm out of words.