Not According To Plan
Our entire life we plan things. Plan what to eat, what to wear, where to go, what to see and what to do. but not all of these plans work out. Now, most of us have backup plans in case their plans fall through. Some of us, however, are in the minority where both your plans and your backup plans all backfired. People go to their backup plan when their plan fails. But what do you go to when your backup plans fail too?
I'm in that situation. Every single thing that I've planned this fall has failed. Every single backup plan I has kicked the bucket as well. There are 3 matters at hand in this topic. One is 3/4 taken care of with the elusive 1/4 never making it back into the equation. One is not going anywhere near what I had planned and it makes me slightly uncomfortable and makes it difficult to focus on other things. The last one is like hoping for one number on a roulette wheel: you shouldn't have been gambling in the first place. In addition to these items, I have also sidetracked for a little too long last month too and I'm finding it difficult to pick up where I left off because there is a gap between that time and now. It's almost as if I took that entire time I was sidetracked for and through it in the garbage. Then it went to the dump and got completely incinerated.
But in all of this there is something seriously wrong with me. I honestly think that everything's going to be okay and work out. I never realized that I had become so optimistic. Even wasting my time writing this isn't helping things at all. I'm good at puzzles, I know what the next move is. I have no idea why I delay. I'm not waiting for anyone to say something nice or for something to happen that makes everything better because if you believe in that stuff you're delusional. It never happens, end of story. You either make or break your own luck. Only problem is that I think I broke my luck so much that it's permanently going to stay that way. I hpe I'm wrong, but hope is only an illusion. You can hope all you want but you know your gut feeling is always 100% right no matter what. I guess everything is really black and white if you realize that. So black and white that I know exactly what I have to do tonight to get back on the right track. But I've got a little more homework to do before I do that, so I'd better go and do it right now....ish.
I'm in that situation. Every single thing that I've planned this fall has failed. Every single backup plan I has kicked the bucket as well. There are 3 matters at hand in this topic. One is 3/4 taken care of with the elusive 1/4 never making it back into the equation. One is not going anywhere near what I had planned and it makes me slightly uncomfortable and makes it difficult to focus on other things. The last one is like hoping for one number on a roulette wheel: you shouldn't have been gambling in the first place. In addition to these items, I have also sidetracked for a little too long last month too and I'm finding it difficult to pick up where I left off because there is a gap between that time and now. It's almost as if I took that entire time I was sidetracked for and through it in the garbage. Then it went to the dump and got completely incinerated.
But in all of this there is something seriously wrong with me. I honestly think that everything's going to be okay and work out. I never realized that I had become so optimistic. Even wasting my time writing this isn't helping things at all. I'm good at puzzles, I know what the next move is. I have no idea why I delay. I'm not waiting for anyone to say something nice or for something to happen that makes everything better because if you believe in that stuff you're delusional. It never happens, end of story. You either make or break your own luck. Only problem is that I think I broke my luck so much that it's permanently going to stay that way. I hpe I'm wrong, but hope is only an illusion. You can hope all you want but you know your gut feeling is always 100% right no matter what. I guess everything is really black and white if you realize that. So black and white that I know exactly what I have to do tonight to get back on the right track. But I've got a little more homework to do before I do that, so I'd better go and do it right now....ish.