Wow... 6 months.
It has been 6 months since I cut my Ex out of my life entirely and since then I have avoided using LJ for a multitude of reasons, none of them decent. For a very long period of time, it was the sole means by which we could keep track of each other's lives. LJ and Eliška became somewhat synonymous in my mind. I found it difficult to emotionally open up enough to write at any decent length through this forum. Especially in the knowledge that she was still reading my posts, even if I had removed her from my friends list and could easily have hidden anything I'd written from her. The fact that she was still watching was enough to dissuade me, even if she couldn't actually see anything.
Tonight, I went to do some editing of my friends list and discovered that she finally "un-friended me" back.
I don't know if I'll start writing here again. I somehow doubt it. A part of me wants to reconnect with the liberating vent that LJ can provide. However, another part of me wants to burn away every part of my life that she ever touched. Not because I don't value her influence upon my life... but that I find it more and more difficult to objectively process anything that reminds me of her.
I had a really pleasant evening tonight. As I drove home, I changed the channel on the radio and a particular song was playing. It was the song that played on the radio in my car 6 months ago, as I drove away from telling her that I could no longer bare to have her in my life.
It was a less pleasant evening after that. Hello Depressive Insomnia... been a while. Let's get reacquainted.
- Kas.
Tonight, I went to do some editing of my friends list and discovered that she finally "un-friended me" back.
I don't know if I'll start writing here again. I somehow doubt it. A part of me wants to reconnect with the liberating vent that LJ can provide. However, another part of me wants to burn away every part of my life that she ever touched. Not because I don't value her influence upon my life... but that I find it more and more difficult to objectively process anything that reminds me of her.
I had a really pleasant evening tonight. As I drove home, I changed the channel on the radio and a particular song was playing. It was the song that played on the radio in my car 6 months ago, as I drove away from telling her that I could no longer bare to have her in my life.
It was a less pleasant evening after that. Hello Depressive Insomnia... been a while. Let's get reacquainted.
- Kas.