Fuck!
I just typed out a HUGE entry with lots of emotional stuff in it and when I accidentally hit the help button below next to the tags box and I tried to go back I totally lost my entry! Damn it. That's why I should be doing this in my lj client that I downloaded. Anyway, I'm going to try to recount the important parts of my entry...
Yesterday was Katie's Birthday. After Ann left last night I tried to say "Happy Birthday" in a comment, but I'm still blocked from her LJ. Then I tried to send her an e-card, but I can't find her email addy. Would one of you tell her "Happy Birthday" for me?
I know, why am I going so far out of my way to be nice to her after what she did to me? I'm not sure. I guess I feel like if I can forgive Shawn and if I can forgive her than maybe I can move past all this and get on with my life. I'm not MAD anymore, I'm just hurt. The problem is that she's avoiding me so we haven't been able to talk about what happened. I haven't heard her side of the story and she hasn't heard mine. It makes me think that her whole friendship with me was a set up, a cover so she could get closer to Shawn. It makes me feel used. But I don't even know if that's how she really feels because she won't tell me! See how I'm driving myself in crazy circles? I don't know if we can salvage some kind of casual friendship (which hopefully includes chatting with her casually on LJ and when I see her at CVS and at Ann's when I visit)or not, but I thought it was worth a try. In the meantime, I'm just going to be nice and hope some of that filters through to her. She needs to know that I'm not out for her blood, I need some answers, I need to forgive her, and I need to get back to some kind of normal life.
Now that's I've pretty much recreated what I needed to say, I'm off to try and take a nap...
Yesterday was Katie's Birthday. After Ann left last night I tried to say "Happy Birthday" in a comment, but I'm still blocked from her LJ. Then I tried to send her an e-card, but I can't find her email addy. Would one of you tell her "Happy Birthday" for me?
I know, why am I going so far out of my way to be nice to her after what she did to me? I'm not sure. I guess I feel like if I can forgive Shawn and if I can forgive her than maybe I can move past all this and get on with my life. I'm not MAD anymore, I'm just hurt. The problem is that she's avoiding me so we haven't been able to talk about what happened. I haven't heard her side of the story and she hasn't heard mine. It makes me think that her whole friendship with me was a set up, a cover so she could get closer to Shawn. It makes me feel used. But I don't even know if that's how she really feels because she won't tell me! See how I'm driving myself in crazy circles? I don't know if we can salvage some kind of casual friendship (which hopefully includes chatting with her casually on LJ and when I see her at CVS and at Ann's when I visit)or not, but I thought it was worth a try. In the meantime, I'm just going to be nice and hope some of that filters through to her. She needs to know that I'm not out for her blood, I need some answers, I need to forgive her, and I need to get back to some kind of normal life.
Now that's I've pretty much recreated what I needed to say, I'm off to try and take a nap...