realization
So I was out with Sarah tonight and we spent a good deal of time bitching about Felix and Mike and how they both need to grow up. WE also saw Mean Girls. Very funny movie. It has the stupid feel good movie ending but it was an enjoyable movie nonetheless. I realized somewhere through the night that my problems with Mike stem from fear. I fear that i will not be enough. I have been sabotaging a 7 year relationship because I fear that in the end...he still won't pick me. HE is coming up on a year where he can't blame anything on Med school or school work in general. Where all of his choices can be about preparing him for his future...and I fear that he will not pick me. I can come up with a million and two excuses as to why he should not have the choice...mainly they involve words like immature and selfish with a few curse words sprinkled in...but the truth is that I do not want him to have that choice because there is a strong possibility that he won't pick me. I don't know if I could ever recover if he told me that I was not what he wanted with his life.