(no subject)
I wonder all the time about death. I wonder if I will eventually kill myself, or if I'll live to be a hundred, or if I'll get hit by a truck and die tomorrow. I wonder about God. A lot. Will I die, having wasted my one experience on earth searching for a non-existent god? If there is a god, could he really be so cruel as to condemn millions to eternal torture because they were never even told about him? I spend a lot of time thinking about that. I get the feeling, that some day I am going to be standing before god, and he'll look at me and say, 'Ooh, sorry, you didn't quite make the cut. Off to Hell with you.' I cannot account for every sin I have committed today, much less my entire life. I am not a good person. I have no illusions about that. I just wish that there was some way to be sure, some way to know that I'm doing the right thing, that I'm not just completely wrong in everything I believe. If anyone reads this, forgive my stupidity and indecisiveness. I just...I just had to get it all out, and this is the best way I know how.