Behold: The Power of Foo-Foo
I just finished watching quite possibly one of the dorkiest reality TV shows I've ever seen. And I hardly watch any TV.
It was an elimination-style (think Survivor) superhero contest for adults. Glitter and spandex included.
You heard me.
It's one of those things you absolutely love to watch simply BECAUSE it's so incredibly stupid. Like Rocky Horror Picture Show minus the catchy music, captive audience, blatantly-obvious innuendo, and pizazz.
What's worse is that our society's various ridiculous stereotypes are emphasized or encouraged via this show. For example, Blond-Ditz and Mr. Jew were the ones eliminated this week, but DorkyDork, HotBatDyke, and CopCop McCop got away with mere warnings to shape-up or ship-out.
It's so sad it's funny. You can't watch it and NOT want to make fun of it the whole time you do so.
But you know what's even more sad? In this one episode I watched, the day's task involved roller coasters and man-oh-man, I wanted to join in on the fun.
I could totally show all of them up, too. I could be a much better SuperDork than ANY of those schmucks!
I started imagining how the episode would've been if I had been playing the game, too:
Introducing! The LATEST super hero!
THE RABBIT! Pshaaaaaaaaaaa.
Yes folks, this is indeed amazing. The pursing of lips and twitching of the nose in serious concentration as crime is ingeniously thwarted. With lanky monkey arms, doughy skin, the oh-so-slightest of tummy pooches, and a more-than-ample bottom, and there's absolutely no mistaking this genuine article for another!
So, Rabbit, let me ask you this: What exactly made you want to wear tights and make swoosh noises so bad?
Why that's easy, Jim: it's the cookies.
The cookies?
The cookies.
Really?
Yes, of course! But seriously, Steve, it's because as superheroes we get to live-out our best ideals, but as human beings we are our own worst enemies. We are our own biggest villain. And do you know what the greatest tragedy of all is, Bob?
What?
Ignorance.
Ignorance?
Yes, ignorance. It is the source of most of our needless suffering as a species. That's why my goal in life is to empower people with knowledge. My key superpower is communication. My biggest role is to play the messenger. You know what else, Larry?
Uh, what?
I fucking love roller coasters.
Pshaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam.